I'm so over this

Hey world. Hope everyone is doing swell out there. So Its been a rough couple of weeks. I have come to the realization that this life of polygamy is so not for me. For multiple reasons its just not the lifestyle I plan or want to live. Its too much hurt, drama, and its not worth it. Nowhere in the Quran does it say that marriage has to suck. No where does it say we must endure pain for a magic golden ticket. Bump that. I am so over this. I really dont think Its fair that I should have to go through an extended period of pain for what? Guess, I'm rambling a little tonight... But I just feel its messed up when certain second wives try to get on the team with the intention of destroying a marriage. Seriously that's an evil bitch attitude to have. Where is the Iqraam in that? I am just tired of hurting and feeling like this. Part of me really wanted to be optimistic with all this and be the exception to the rule, the couple that actually last in this polygamy lifestyle..but that is not looking like a possibility. Its time for me to really analyze and work on my exit strategy beacuse I really feel I can no longer do this. I plan to make istakara about it tomorrow but I already feel with about 89% certainity that I want to bounce. Hassan can have fun with Denise and I really hope he gets a third wife after I leave him so she can feel what it is truly like to be in my shoes. I know that is kinda mean to say but I really dont give an eff right about now. I just dont want to waste my youth on a loser and being unhappy. I'd rather be single than deal with this. I know Denise will be so excited when I leave him for good, since that was her whole master plan. The crazy part about all this is trying to plan my exit strategy. Because right now even though I wanna bounce I love my job, my business is doing well, and I love my city. I might just tell Hassan to leave and stay with Denise and I'll keep our house until I figure it all out. Decisions, decisions.. Oh in other news Denise got a job, so she is supposed to start this week. This whole situation is so annoying. I'm so over it. Guess i'm a little bit of a Debbie Downer tonight but oh well..it is what it is. Just tired of trying to give what I dont got. I'm young fly, educated, I can really do much better than this.

Cant wait to hate you..

Asalaamu-alaikum world. Whats really good. So people keep asking me ."whats up with you updating your blog." So I decided to post and to stop leaving folks in suspense lol. Lately I have been listening to this song "I cant wait to hate you." Mariah Carey. LOVE IT! Its my new theme song. Ok blog updated happy now? lol I would post the youtube link but everyone knows how to google it. So i wont. But, sometimes with all of this you have to distance yourself from the madness blogging all the time sometimes hurts more than it helps. But on a positive note i am loving my job it is very slacker friendly. And actually have wrote out a curriculum for myself of Islamic studies for work. lol. OK have a good weekend.
( lyrics..)
once upon a time, we swore not to say goodbye
something got a hold of us and we changed
then you sat alone in pride
and I sat at home and cried
how'd our fairytale just end up this way

we went round for round til' we knocked love out
we were laying in the ring, not making a sound
and if that's a metaphor of you and I
why is it so hard to say goodbye

I can't wait to hate you
make you, pain like i do..
still can't shake you off..
I can't wait to break through
these emotional changes..
seems like such a loss cause
I can't wait to face you,
break you, down so low
there's no place left to go..

I can't wait to hate you..

love is, was a love phenomenon no one could explain
and i wish, i could press reset and feel that feeling again
i sit and press rewind and watch us every night..
wanna pause it, but i can't make it stay

no need to call my phone cause I changed my number today
a matter a fact, I think I'm moving away (away)
sorry, the frustrations got me feeling awake
and i just keep having one last thing to say
and i just wanna hold you, touch you,
feel you, be near you, i miss you baby baby baby..
I'm tired of tryna fake through, but there's nothing I can do..
boy I can't wait to hate you..

I can't wait to hate you.. baby..

I can't wait to H.A.T.E.U.
Cuz right now i need you
I Can't wait to let you go

Fitna Free Friday!!! Egpyt Edition

Asalaamu-alaikum world. Hope all is well out there. I am feeling a little drained. Long week at work and looking forward to Friday! I really am enjoying my job and have been working out everyday these last 2 weeks and down 7.3 lbs! yay! So anyways, since my brain is officially fried I really wanted to shift the focus from me and my problems  to a bigger issue. EGYPT!!! I am not sure if anyone or everyone out there has been watching the news but ...lets just say the beautiful country of Egpyt and the people who live there are really being tested right now. Much of what is shown in the media is edited and scripted, some is true some is not. Many big name networks have been down playing the situation over there, claiming only 5 deaths so far as a result of the protest. Well, it has been way more than that. Some reports are in the hundreds. So wherever you live in the world, take a few minutes in your day and make dua for the people in Egypt that they may find peace and transition into an organized productive government that actually cares about the people. Oh and I dont want to forget about the protesters in Tunisia very little media coverage so their issue unfortunately for many over this way has been stifled.

Regardless of what difficult situations we are facing whether it be a crazy hard final exam you have to study for , a  psycho cowife, car problems, money problems, husband problems, kid problems, keep in mind that 1. someone always has it worse, and 2. Allah will not change the condition of the people until they change that which is in themselves. 3. Being grateful for the life you have and the gifts you already are presented with provides so much comfort. Also when you show humility and gratitude towards Allah , then Allah bestows more favors upon you. Perhaps not the coach bag you have been eying for months but something else you need and may not even know you needed it. For example, my new job it couldn't have come at a better time. The environment is laid back, I am able to pray at work, and its very close to a Masjid here. My coworkers are really nice and I am able to study my Quranic lessons without drama. I know that may seem small but many jobs especially in the states try to slave you from the moment you walk in the door and then have the nerve to look at you crazy when you want to exercise your religious beliefs. Life for anyone isn't perfect, if they are saying it is they are lying. But we can still enjoy this life, while preparing for the next by focusing on our blessings and making effort to be grateful and draw nearer to Allah.

Duas to for tranquilty :
O Allah! Grant me light in my heart, light in my sight, light in my hearing, light to my right, light to my left, light above me, light underneath me, light before me, light behind me, and grant me light.

Often in times of stress, or discomfort we feel there is a dark cloud looming over us wherever we go. This dua I love because, when someone has hurt us, holding on to anger can cause bitterness and can hurt us more than the person who we are angry with. So asking for light in our heart is essential for finding
peace within ourselves. 

O Allah, have mercy on me! Do not leave me alone for even a moment, and put my affairs in order, there is no God but You.O Allah, nothing is easy except what You make easy; and You make the difficult easy if it be Your will.