Some people suck! DELETED POST

Ok , so I decided to delete this post, because its kinda mean. Some people may have got the impression that I insinuated that the concubine was a crackhead. The drug habits she may or may not have do not need to be put on blast , also it isn't a reflection of my "happy place." lol that I am in. For the record I do not think she smokes rocks. Times are hard but not that hard lol. But I appreciate all the comments so I will leave those for reminders on things I need to keep in mind:-)

The Second Wives Club..?

Aslaamu-Alaikum world.Ok so I wanted to clarify somethings with this blog. This is an equal opportunity blog lol . I dont discriminate against 2nd or 3rd wives. Yes, it is true I do not care for my husband's concubine. But I have nothing against OTHER 2nd wives lol...and would love input and feedback . I called this blog "the first wives club." because I feel first wives share a unique bond and a special set of emotions, experiences that only first wives can truly understand. The second wives out there can relate to each other on a whole different level and the shared input would be helpful. So whether your a first wife, second wife, concubine, mistress, single and looking, single and not looking, or husband, ect. this blog is open to everyone. The more first wives, concubines, and 2nd wives truly understand each other and can be sensitive and respectful towards each other, the more successful polygamous situations can occur.

Hmmm..to call her or not to call?

What's going on world? Right now I am so confused. Lately I have been really wanting to call the concubine just to talk and clear up some things as well as try to move forward. A part of me wants to be friends, part of me wants to be happy for her. But another bigger part is still so hurt. The last time she emailed me she said some really nasty hurtful things. Things that were just plain spiteful. I understand I emailed her first and told her some things she probably didn't want to hear, but things she said were flat out lies, and completely inappropriate. I just don't understand why if you know someone is going through a difficult time why would you instigate things, and try to rub things in their face? This is the character she has shown me. And for some strange reason I am hurt by her not reaching out. Crazy right? But i feel if I were in her shoes I would want to reach out and try to get to know me and make this transition easier. But she has not. She has told my husband she wants nothing to do with me. So in a way I guess i feel rejected/betrayed by them both. Not sure why I am feeling so emotional today. Maybe because Hassan is away on a business trip and I've had time to think. One of the reasons why I feel betrayed by Denise (the concubine) is long before I even knew about this situation she called me. Then I heard she was going through a rough situation (she lost her job and apt.) so I called her again,  reaching out to see if she was ok. We spoke for quite a long time and I really felt we could have been friends. I even offered her to stay at my home while my husband was away of course until she moved into her new place. A few months later I found out she approached my husband about him marrying her. Although me and her were never best friends, I do feel there was initially a level of respect and trust there which has been completely broken.I tried befriending her in her time of need and then she tries to marry my husband. Hence my reasons for cursing her out the first time. I don't know what to really think anymore...this whole situation is so perplexing. I wish I could be happy for them. But right now there is just so much hurt in my heart. Right now I don't know what to think. Right now I see them as two selfish people. Days like this its hard for me to look at Hassan the same. Its good he's away on business today. I don't really see what I am getting out of this at ALL. I know this post seems down or whatever, but it is what it is. I don't want to sugarcoat things. People out there should know how it feels. Should know about the ups and downs of it all. Inshallah tomorrow will be a better day. Its hard to see the top of the mountain when your standing in the valley. But when you make it to the top the view is breathtaking. Inshallah when I make it through this I can look back and see how much I've grown ... keep hope alive.

The other woman aka "concubine"

Let me just start with saying this is my personal blog, not a source for "how to be successful at polygamy" and become "besties" with the other woman. This is just my experience and how I am choosing to handle things. In any difficult and new situation its best just to try to take it one day at a time, and do the best you can. So with that being said  I wanted to respond to an email/message someone sent me regarding why I refer to her (Denise) as the "concubine".A concubine can be defined as :
A concubine is generally a woman in an ongoing, matrimonial-like relationship with a man, whom she cannot marry for a specific reason. The reason may be because she is of lower social rank than the man or because the man is already married. Generally, only men of high economic and social status have concubines. Many historical rulers maintained concubines as well as wives.
Historically, concubinage was frequently voluntary (by the woman and/or her family's arrangement), as it provided a measure of economic security for the woman involved.(thanks Wikipedia :-)

According to this definition I really do not see anything wrong with referring to her this way.  This name describes the situation, she is /will be in an ongoing relationship with my husband whom he legally cannot marry. It is true usually men whom have high social status ie "up on their deen", or high economic status ie; financially stable can make polygamy more successful. Also polygamy in Islam does provide some economic security for the woman involved if done correctly. The other names I originally was referring to her as were not very nice at all, and I stopped using them due to I didn't want to backbite or slander Denise. (not her real name) I defiantly feel concubine is much better than the alternative names I could be using. Inshallah there will come a time when I can truly feel happy for her that she is with a good husband. When that time comes, only Allah knows.