Aslaamu-Alaikum world. I'm back. So much as gone on this week, its really been something like a whirlwind. Unbelievable, still very surreal this life. Through this week, I have seen so many posts/comments about what people would or wouldn't do, wouldn't tolerate ect ect. Making judgments, calling names, acting "holier than thou." Its very interesting all of this, the options, advice, questions, and answers for questions that I never even said, or asked for that matter. LOL Often when people are outside a situation it is easy for them to say what they would or wouldn't do, who is fair and who is not, and what should or shouldn't be tolerated. I get it, I've been that girl saying to myself years ago, "i would never be in polygamy, or would never let x,y z go down" But when you are smack dab right in the mix of a situation it is much more complicated than that. Much more complicated than you ever thought possible. You think or thought that if and when such situations presented itself you would have some magic blueprint of how to go about things. How things would turn right back around to become the life you've always imagined and just like that your situation would be "fixed". But this is so not the case. Honestly you never know what you would actually do in a situation until you are in that situation. You are not Miss Cleo, you cannot Jedi mind trick your way to controlling other people's thoughts. And even when you are in the situation you still have doubts, question your decisions, motives, feelings.
Life is complicated, this is very complicated, I wish there was some magic wand to simplify things and make the decisions I need to make clear as day, but its not.
I do appreciate the good advice/feedback. Some of it honestly I haven't even read. My brain has been far to fried to go thru all the messages. This is why some posts are still pending, some posts that prob need to be deleted also. This situation has been very revealing. Things about myself I have seen, new strengths that are surprising, and things about others. One thing I think one of the other posters said which really hit home (for got who said this) was during this process so much changes. And the thing I feel has changed so much already is my friendship with Hassan. I am no longer mad, just hurt. But the friendship aspect of our relationship, feeling like I cant or dont want to tell him things. Feeling like there is now a mystery of privacy.. like does she now know my business? Feeling like if I have good news about something, he was usually the first person I'd tell but now , its like I cant. Its crazy how so much can change in such a little time. Still working on my master plan whatever that may be. To the person who posted about "if you stay does the marriage become one of just toleration." Well I cannot really answer that at this time. It has only been 1 week since him and Denise finalized the deal, which I was told was a very kufar like ceremony and reception. But anyways. I think women who have been in polygamy far longer than I can give a better, fair response. In the beginning eyes are still cloudy, emotions are still high, and the brain is still fried. So questions/answers given now, will likely change in the future.
But this week although was draining, was still eventful and fun. We went to the movies, went bowling , went Eid shopping, got a lot of work done. Inshallah my head will be a little clearer next week. Looking forward to Eid!!!
