Oh snap Change of heart so soon?

Oh snap lol ..Aslaamu-alaimum world whats really good. So Hassan comes home today, which was supposedly supposed to be Denise's day but for whatever reason the days are now switched. Im like dang now i gotta cancel my late night party.LOL So anyways, I was out when Hassan texts :

Hassan: I'm on my way home
Me:  Huh? Who's home? my house or hers?
Hassan: Our house babe, I miss you.
Me: OK babe see ya soon.

So I am a little irritated that the schedule has been changed. One, I like planning things and this switch-around didn't leave me no room for nothin.  I wasn't planning on cooking tonight at all either. So Hassan says he will get take out. Also I like to be primped when he gets home, I usually have hair done and makeup. But today was roughin it. Was still fly but no glam gear lol.But its all good.

So anyways when I get home, Hassan is there reading. I'm like whats up Babe , why are you here. He is looking all stressed and says he doesn't want to talk about it. And then says "you have been exceptional , I dont know what I was thinking, I dont know if I can last like this." So in my mind im laughing so hard , like duh told you so , duh you just now realizing how awesome I am? LMAO. I kinda feel bad for him in a way, but not too bad enough to really care or do something. So I say to him, "well I tried to tell you but you have to see things for yourself". LOL. I had to try with all my effort not to just laugh so hard in his face. Because he was looking so cute when he's sad. Who knows if his feeling will last , or not. I'm guessing it wont but then again who knows. I dont know why but that made me so happy knowing that "me and him get along so much better." But everyone has to learn and grow with their mate. Guess my month away wasn't enough time to learn each other. Or maybe they did and didnt like what they learned. Either way I'm still on my natural high. Denise or nobody else cant steal my shine. Hassan said he really thought i was going to be a lot different when i got back, he thought  was going to be "trippen" and spazin out all the time. I'm like ummm no,, that so last year lol drama takes too much energy dont have time for all that. I'm tryin be high off life. I'm a little surprised too how well we have been getting along. I think partly because Hassan is secretly jumping for joy that I came back to him in the first place.LOL, and he has been trying to be really sweet.I guess him and Denise thought I was really going to leave him. This is what he tells me tonight, that Denise thought I was going to leave him. LOL sorry grasshopper.
But anyways I am so not even thinking about that whole scenario.I have been trying to keep up on my reading and lectures/kutbahs. Also I started learning some new surahs this week yay. Thanks to a fellow blogger got some new good Islamic sites to stay focused on my deen.Everyday do one thing for yourself that makes you feel good!Thats my motto carpe diem. Seize the day!  But yea later for now guys and dolls gotta tend to some things around these parks.

Will work for cute shoes!

Aslaamu-alaikum world. So a few things inspired this post. 1. Dsw's shoe selection, and the NEED to get coach's new python heels. So cute. Also some comments from some readers about women being maintained. Ok, let me just say I am not a feminist or anit-male or whatever but this is how I feel on women working. All women should know how to get a job and or have a side hustle that she can earn her own income. Whether or not she chooses to work, or not is up to her, but in this day in age you should be able to get out there if need be. Or have your own small business you can run out of the home. Whether it be a maid service, catering, bake sale, doing hair, doing henna, a daycare service, typing papers for lazy college students, stealing things then selling them on ebay (lol jk) but you get the point. So this brings me to my 2nd point, and yes I do have one. Women need to feel empowered. Relying solely on your man perhaps might not be the best idea for this empowerment. Anything can happen to ol' boy and then what? Where will that leave you? Dancing for dollars at a low budget club? May Allah forbid. Selling foodstamps to pay rent? Hopefully not. Whether your husband is awesome big money maker or down on his luck and in between jobs a girl has to get hers. Now I know some people are thinking whats the point of working if you have a husband...or going to say that's the husbands job. Yes, your right, it is his job to provide, and thankfully Hassan does this well, at least for me cant speak for Denise lol. But I just dont like the mentality of "settling just to be maintained." We as women need to be able to maintain ourselves if need be. So many stories I hear sound really messed up, dramafest ...I know my story isnt perfect but women have to have self respect and self worth. Having self worth goes a long way in getting what you want, and living how you want. And I am so not trying to put anyone down for not working , right now I dont have fulltime job, maybe I will soon who knows. I just wish more muslimas would know their self worth, and put effort into elevating themselves financially and spiritually. Know what you bring to the table is awesome. Be creative in your own ways to make money. Money isnt everything, and yes you can be content living a humble lifestyle...and you can be content wearing coach python shoes, everyone has their own comfort level lol. But, never settle or say in a situation for "maintenance." not a good look. Here are some nice halal ways to make some income around the neighborhood that you dont have to put on your taxes..yes i know you can thank me later.

• Tutor/teach quran/arabic classes to new Muslims
• sell baked goods
• become translator or teach your language to others
• Muslima taxi service
• Got sewing skills? Make & sell clothing

 I could go on an on., but i wont got stuff to do..lol Ok have a good day guys and dolls.

Prayer, positivity, and Perspective pt 2

Aslaamu-alaikum world. So these last few days have been amazing, kinda surprisingly amazing. Hassan and I seem to be back in snyc. Plan to take things one day at a time and keep my mind focused on my master plan. We went to dinner at the Cheesecake factory the other night and it was soo good. I love, love, love their cheesecake, they seriously have the best cheesecake in the world. I got the red velvet cheesecake omg so good.We had a long talk the first night I got back about making our time together quality time, not just time. In life some people you spend time with , others you invest time in. Hassan and I decided to always try to invest time in each other. He said he felt abandoned when I left lmao, sure whatever dude. But its cute he's being more open with his feelings.I kinda like it.

Even though he has Denise  now, I still see him everyday. This may change later, but for now its cool arrangement. I decided to stop calling Snipes, Snipes and go back to Denise. Snipes has a negative meaning and I am trying to be all about the positive and moving forward. Thinking negatively will not help anything. But anyways on Denise's nights, I really thought I would feel like an emotional wreck, at least that's what I was expecting. I was expecting to come back, and having Hassan leave to go with #2 and me crying in the fetal position or shaking my fist at the sky screaming WHY!! LOL. But that seriously hasn't happened. I am kinda shocked and surprised at myself at how I am taking everything. I was seriously thinking on the first night he left "wait for it, wait for it ...tears..drama fest...some choice curse words for Hassan on his way out."..lol but no nothing. I think partly a reason why I dont get so angry because I  dont feel any jealously towards her. Hassan pays all my bills, gives me money for things, the financial scale is very unbalanced in my favor. But that's life what can you do LOL. On her nights I have been really relaxing and enjoying some me time. Working out, reading, having a Grey's Anatomy marathon or ordering some chick flicks on demand. So far so good.

He really seems to be trying to make this work since I have been back. He's been complimenting me alot, and being a sweetheart. Its only been a week but this was a different tune than when I was gone. This is likely due to him seeing me after all this time and thinking to himself, "stop smoking crack and treat her like the queen she is before you lose her." or something along those lines lol. Its funny because now Hassan is thinking of changing the scheudle because he is getting "tried" and "dizzy" from running back and forth between houses. You know what I say to that, oh well. This is the lifestyle you wanted to so deal with it. I really have no sympathy towards him in that regard lol. I dont think it will ever come a time when I will feel bad for him or comfort him for being tired of "maintaining two homes" . Actually I get a kick out of it, like seriously dude what did you think this would be a cakewalk? Umm no, tough it up. LOL. Ok maybe I am mean, or harsh but that's life.

But anyways the whole point of this post was because I am feeling very positive right now. Through any difficult time in life we always have to remember to make lots of dua, and keep up our prayers. Allah is the maintainer, the bestow-er of happiness, not anyone else. Cant miss any salats, prayer is so calming. This morning after fajr Hassan and I had taleem together, we plan on having taleem every fajr and maghrib we are together. A wise woman once said to me "Allah never gets overwhelmed" so true. In life we may face challenges, get overwhelmed , but we always must bring things back to Allah and why we are here. This life is temporary. And no, Hassan didn't promise me any golden tickets for saying this. LOL. He can never give me anything more than what Allah has already given me. Peace of mind. Joy. There are many people around me facing different hardships in life, some of which are so sad I would never ever want to trade places. Allah tests us with different things. We have to remember, this life is just one big test. Inshallah we will pass. Also I dont want people getting the idea or impression that Hassan is a bad guy. Yes, he has done some  things that make me want to punch him in the throat and key his car, lol but to dislike someone, you are also disliking the good Allah has also put in them. Moving forward trying to be positive, there is a lot of good in him. Hope everyone has a good week ahead!

Reunited and it feels so good..lol

Aslaamu-alaikum World!!! So whats really good? Inshallah all is well out there. So I came home this week. And what can I say it has been interesting to say the least. So if you having been keeping up with me thus far you know I am still nursing this retched cold that is almost gone!! YAY (happy dance) So I get home the other day and Hassan is at work. I take a much needed nap and run some errands. The traffic here is all kinds of crazy but I really actually missed driving my own car, instead of getting chauffeured around by my family, so I didn't mind. So after a day of the errands and trying to unpack and wash clothes , sort a lifetime supply of mail I received I was ready for a night of relaxation. So Hassan calls me on his way home from the plantation ..I mean work, and is all being sweet asking how are things with me and if I need anything. So naturally I say yes and give him a list of juice and cold meds to buy so I can get further drugged up lol. So even though I had a cold I still didnt want to look bumy , I haven't seen him in a month so I had to look like my normal fly sexy self, after all I didnt want to be mistaken for Snipes lol. So did my hair, makeup had on cute little tank top and leggings ..looking causal but sexy. So I was really feeling nervous. I really didnt know what to expect. The days leading up to my return werent the nicest conversations we have had, partly because Hassan never wanted me to leave and was mad I was gone so long. But oh well thats life kick rocks.

So like I said I didn't know what to expect. So I'm all snuggled up on the couch reading, and drinking tea when in walks Hassan. So I look at him, he looks at me, his eyes get all big. He says "Aslaamu-alaikum love." I give him salaams and walk over to him. He grabs me and gives me the biggest hug he has ever given me , ever. He's all like "I missed you so much", "Dont leave me like that again." lol . And kissed me. I really wasn't planning on kissing him. But my brain wasn't really thinking clearly enough to stop him. I was still confused wondering if it was the same guy that i talked to a few days ago who was trippen. He brought in lots of goodies for me, juice, and some sparkling white grape juice and sparkling apple cuz "he wanted to celebrate the return of his queen." So I am putting some of the groceries away Hassan goes  back to the car for more things and comes back with a dozen red roses. I was so surprised. Its funny because I was talking to my sister earlier telling her that he better be jumping for joy that I even came back at all and bring me roses when I see him. He must have go the memo somewhere along the lines lol. I would post a pic but the vase on my dining room table is surrounded with all the mail that i missed. My dining room table is looking crazy right about now. But the rest of my house is clean so its all good.

So we go back in the living room and just talk, and he is loving the henna. I got his name on my back. It is really cute. (note to self, learn to do henna nice side hustle) lol. Anyways then the shocker of the night, Hassan tells me he is going to cook dinner and wants me to relax. I was so confused, like who is this dude and what happened to the Hassan I used to know. Did he get abducted by aliens or what? The whole time we have been married Hassan has only cooked dinner maybe 5x . And that's if hotdogs and frozen pizza qualify as cooking. LOL . He defiantly isn't winning any Top Chef contest any time soon, but it was nice gesture and was sweet of him.  But the whole night was really strange in a nice way. He defiantly was acting very brand new. Jocking me very hard. Usually he is a germaphobe but he kept trying to tongue me down every chance he got even with the cold. I was like ok dude I know I have some soup coolers (juicy lips) but be easy. LOL. We talked a lot, he said "he really missed me, said im his #1 girl, he's so happy to have his queen back", he  even apologized for some things. I was thinking to myself hmm he must think he is about to get some goodies..lol little does he know that will not happen. Who knows how long this new Hassan will stay around. Perhaps this time away has made him further realize how lucky he is in the first place to be my husband lol. But it was a good night that's all I will say for now. Inshallah I will keep you posted on this weeks events.

Blogger comeback..maybe

Asalaamu-alaikum world, Wow its been a minute since I have blogged, ten days to be exact. Hmm where to start? So much has been going on. I guess I will give a brief synopsis of the happenings in my world. I did get a job! Yay me. But I am still undecided if I really want to go back to working full time. At first I was so excited but now I am ..already thinking of what excuses I can use to call in sick lol.So far i've come up with 9 ! LOL Perhaps because I am still nursing this stupid cold so the thought of working at anyone's slave shop is less than appealing right now ..hmm who knows. It does pay nice and have good benefits so I will keep it in motion for the time being. What else, Eventually I'll be returning home , very soon. So who knows what will happen when I see Hassan. Not really looking forward to it. So much has changed. I just anticipate lots of awkward silences and the relationship I once knew being gone forever. But then again who knows.Still working on the master plan. Who knows what Allah has planned for me. Just cant wait to get over this cold so I can be back to normal. Had some oh so delicious chai tea today and plan to take a borderline toxic amount of cold meds to kick this cold/flu for good lol. You know what they say , what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger. Having the flu sucks , you would think by now someone somewhere would have invented some magical pill you can take and instantly be better. But no, these so called scientist want to focus their efforts on going green and saving the ozone layer like that is somehow more important than my cold..lol smh.

In other awesome news, I did get my henna done on my feet and back. It looks really really cute. I wish I could post a picture but I cant. The henna girl did an awesome job and only charged me $35! My design looks something like this. But better. She did a similar design on my back with some other details on it. Where my family lives its much cheaper to get henna done than where I live. For the same design would've cost $70 here for everything. I am so looking forward to sleeping in my bed again. That's one thing I miss most when traveling. I love my family and they sure make me feel loved and welcomed in their homes, but i miss my own bed. Its going to be nice waking up in it after such a long time.

Facebook friends? So why all of a sudden today I wake up with 3 guys trying to holla on facebook. "Salaams, sis was wondering if your married.blah, blah, blah." Keep it moving dude. Friend request DENIED lol. Guess its time for me to change my profile pic again. Gotta stay incognito on these fools lol

In other unrelated news, count your blessings, your health, smiles from your children and all the things Allah has given you that makes you happy. You really never know when things can change. Inshallah I will post some updates more frequently we shall see. Or not..lol
 Have a good day guys an dolls.

SN: the polygamy poll on the far right closes in 7 days make sure you vote. 

Hmm what about 2nd husbands..lol

Aslaamu-alaikum world. I saw this cartoon and it made me laugh so hard. Then I starting thinking if polygamy was halal for women in Islam to have more than one husband how many of us  would really want to practice that? Yes, of course it would be difficult because in the case of children, if a woman is sleeping with several men then there would be a mystery of "who is the baby's biological father." I guess she could always go on Maury to solve that LOL. But besides that I am not sure if it would really be that bad lol. Here are some benefits of having a 2nd husband:

• Two guys to buy you things
• 2 bank accounts to have access to
• one man might be good kisser other better at special services
• one husband could teach you deen the other might be a more worldly knowledgeable man lol

Hmm there doesn't seem  to be many benefits of this 2nd husband thing. LOL. Disadvantages, hmm 2 guys to cook and clean for. Two mother in laws to pretend to like..lol. Two men to yell at when the clothes are on the floor or trash needs to be taken out . Or when they leave a sip of some juice in the pitcher and put it BACK in the fridge like its ok.Two men to remind to put the toilet paper back on the roll instead of on the back of the toilet like a little lazy kid. lol I dont think I would like the 2 husbands thing at all. It might be fun at first but then it would get real tiring real fast. Plus it would be gross to sleep with 2 men like that. Who would really exercise their "rights" to have 2 husbands if it were permissible?? Hmm not me. But if you had 2 husbands would that double your chance at getting a golden ticket?

When Muslim Marriage Fails

Aslaamu-alaikum world. So I wanted to finally give a book review on
When Muslim Marriage Fails by Suzy Ismail. Today has been very awesome had several calls today, and now have some job interviews lined up for when I return. So very exciting. No more dancing for dollars!lol But anyways back to the matter at hand, this book review. Suzy Ismail hit the nail on the head in so many ways and is so on point with this book. The reason I liked it and would recommend it as a must read for Muslim couples , especially new couples . Actually this book is for EVERYONE, single , married, divorced.

This book is really good because the couple each tells their story of how their marriage began and how it ultimately ended. This book is funny , but also sad , and very real. It is such a good example of how men and women think totally different. The women in this book all feel one way and the ex-husbands feel another. Reading this book I really felt bad for the women, some of them have really been thru some jacked up crap. It really had me think more about my own marriage and the good qualities I value in Hassan. I was reading some of the chapters ...like woa snap this is so sad. But the lessons I took away are we have to value the blessings we are given. Also how it is vital to any marriage to discuss goals, roles, expectations and child raising and household responsibilities before getting married. Luckily me and Hassan went to pre-martial counseling before we got married with the Imam, so also of these issues were discussed before had. I do recommend this book. It is a must read for the low price of $14.. yall better get this one.!

Another good thing about this book is after each story, "her story" then "his story", she has commentary and explains how the couple could have went about things differently and perhaps saved their marriage and became a happier more loving couple.

Oh yeah ..bouncing back!

Aslaamu-Alaikum world , so what's really good today. I contemplated on whether or not I should delete the previous post since it sounds all down and whatever...But I figured I better keep it up. I didnt start this blog to create a false impression of polygamy or to candy coat everything. Because if and when you are going thru it , and looking for info, its best to have truthful info. Instead of muslimas telling you everything is back warm and fuzzy instantly and you are doing everything possible still to gain your golden tickets in the land of unicorns and sugar plum fairies lol. Gotta keep it real! So ANYWAYS LOL..

 I am still visiting with my family, who have been so awesome Yesterday my mom and sister and I went shopping and I got some new cute tops but didnt have time for the extensive shopping I really wanted so plan to hit up the mall again this week and do some damage. I think there is likely some cute boots out there calling my name. It would be only right for me to find them and give them a good home lol..
So yes there are highs and lows and I am defiantly feeling high off life right now. I made istakara and feel positive. I will move forward and proceed with positivity and trying to maintain tranquility in my life and marriage. This is something Allah has decreed for me right now I will move forward until Allah has decreed me something else to do.

My sister and I stayed up and talked to the wee hours of the morning eating chocolate chip cookies and drinking tea. Yummy. And today I got some great feedback of some jobs back home I am interested in so inshallah I will land something promising. Before anyone says anything crazy or dumb lol I want to go back to working full-time. I still wont be contributing to any of the household bills, but I think the added social interaction and experience will be nice and keep me more focused on myself. Hassan isnt forcing me to work nor will I ever give him money to help Snipes. Sorry but if he wanted her he is gonna have to do whatever it takes to maintain her lol. Not my problem oh well lol.

In other awesome news, I was listening to some new lectures lately and really feel hyped about moving forward bettering myself. There are these muslim hiphop dudes from UK on youtube that have some good videos. Maybe I will give a link  if i feel like it. Looking forward to the new year for some big changes. Allah has control over all things, and when we fully submit to the will of Allah we can truly see the benefits and blessings that will follow.

In some other funny news lol Hassan tells me him and Snipes arent getting along LOL. Oh well. I guess Hassan is thinking me and him are friends so he can confide in me when he is feeling stressed. But he was, but I really didnt feel bad for him. Really she should be living it up over there, I'm gone and she has him all to herself ...for now. But now, she is complaining a lot and stressing him about "dumb petty stuff." LOL oh well. Dont know why but I did find a little comfort in him telling me this lol. But anyways hope everyone has had an awesome Monday I know I have. Keep hope alive yall!

Heart for sale...any takers?

Asalaamu-alaikum world. Everything feels so heavy today. I got up today , 2nd day after making istakara about this whole situation and how to proceed and just felt so blah. I had to run some errands, started the usual "getting ready routine." So I'm in the mirror doing my makeup , just eyeliner really and I had a flashback or whatever you wanna call it of "What's love got to do with it." In that moment, I felt like Tina Turner, well Angela Basset playing Tina turner in the scene where she just got her ass beat by Ike and she is in the mirror fixing her face because she has to go out on stage and preform. That's how I felt, like I had to go out in the world and preform put on some sort of mask and pretend that I'm actually coping "normally" whatever that means, and I am doing alright. But truth of the matter is, I'm not alright. I feel like my heart has been ripped out my chest and went toe to toe 5 rounds with Mike Tyson. And although Hassan has never physically abused me or even called me out my name, I feel like my heart has been damaged irreparably. That's the part I think he really doesn't get.

Most days I still want to say in bed and sleep in till Asr. I know that's bad but its real, that's how it is. If one more person ask me "how am I doing." I think I am going to scream. How would YOU be doing if the supposedly love of your life decided the wanted to marry another woman and expecting you to go along for the ride? I'm guessing not good, duh. I really dont get people. And I know people mean well, my family has been awesome and supportive, but they too keep asking me "So what are your plans, what are you going to do if/when you get back?" Who the hell knows. Like seriously this has been the hardest, mindbending, migraine inducing , stress fest situation I have ever had to deal with. There is no handbook on how to be happy in polygamy. Even these so called books out there seem to offer little assistance that works in the real world. People expect you to just be able to roll out your prayer rug and be fine. "its his right" "It's halal.". Seriously if i hear that b.s one more time I am gonna snap. Women have rights to, and the right to be happy trumps all of that. At least for me it does.

I have been dealing with this for months, and I was hoping by now I'd be ok back to my awesome normal self but im not. I think its extremely unfair that one should have do endure months, maybe years of heartache just so some other woman and My husband can live some little fantasy dream. Perhaps in other countries where it is more common and the mindset of the society is that of  collectivism rather than the individualism, it would be easier. However, in the States the society is one that generally promotes individualistic thinking, and supports relationships that built around that. When you grow up in a culture that emphasizes individualism it allows people to have their own goals, focus more on themselves than others, but it also can make for a cut throat society. Such things as polygamy is best practiced in my opinion where the society as a whole has a frame work built on working together. I dont feel its an Western mindset, or being caught up in western views, how I feel.. it is what is it. People in other countries think and view things one way based on society norms and customs, and muslim Americans view things differently. There is nothing wrong or bad about it, but it is what it is.

I am really not trying to be all "Debbie downer" (SNL) today lol , but the bottom line is this crap is F'd up. So much changes in a relationship when a man decides he wants to get a side piece. The whole dynamic changes, trust, respect, communication, intimacy. And for what? For any men out there that are reading, its so not worth it. Every man that I have ever talked with about polygamy (older dudes with wisdom) says they regret it. So yes today so far is sucking. I am just tired of dealing, tired of being drained. Perhaps I'm grieving the life I used to have. I think i'm going to make salat and take a nap. It takes too much energy to function..lol sleep is much easier. I may take a break from blogging, it can be overwhelming at times. Initially i started to help me deal, which it has but it is still too much to think about. Its easy for others to comment about your life, but when you are knee deep in some BS its much harder to make moves. And unless you have personally experienced the pain of being a 1st wife going thru polygamy you could never fully understand. Ugggh! people suck! Anyways..its nap time !  Later guys and dolls. Inshallah your day is better than mine.

Not to the 2nd wives ..pt 2

Aslaamu-alaikum world. Jummah Mubarak! So the last post got a little heated so I was thinking to myself ok time to switch gears on this oh so cold Jummah Friday. But before I went on to the next topic , I wanted to give a synopsis of the previous and some do/donts. I was reading some of my older posts are realized I was very optimistic and positive in the pre-polygamy phase, now that it has hit the fan so to speak im like hmm oh snap. WTF. But maybe there is a way I can go back to my old awesome self.

Polygamy is not bad in itself, what makes it uncomfortable is how people handle the situation. Yes, there are 1st wives who are determined to make the 2nd miserable from the beginning as well as 2nds who think its all about them and want to make the first wife crazy.  So for normal non-crazy sisters who are trying to find some sort of peace in the scenario then these rules can apply.

• If you are interested in a brother who is married, have an open honest woman-to-woman talk. Let her know how you feel, how you want your future to be like, what you see your role and her role as. And how she really feels. Dont just take the mans word for it that the first is on the polygamy bandwagon. Hear it from the horse's mouth!
• If you realize she isnt on board with the idea,(Perhaps you get cursed out) as most women arent, step back make istaraka and look at think logically without emotions. Try to understand her point of view and then proceed. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel?
• If some magical way you and the first wife are friends, great. Value this friendship, and make sure your intentions are correct with this friendship. Do not friend her to get in good with the hubbie, or for her to confide in you of their problems. Understand your role in the mix.
• Polygamy is crazy hard, a mind breaking, heart wrenching situation. Know that your role will can and likely cause pain to the 1st or previous wives. Showboating, and trying to rub stuff in will only make you look foolish and insensitive. Have a heart. 
• Women are emotional creatures by nature, its ok to cry and show feelings. Don't try to "Jedi-mind-trick" your cowife to think she is crazy for having a hard time. 
• The husbands play a huge role in the mix and how the first wife even views the situation. If you started off shady with her husband. She may never trust you, like you, or befriend you. 
• Also 2nds are not the "bad guy" unless it was started in a shady manner then you are. So understand you are of value and dont give up rights just to be with a man. You also deserve better.  
• Also whether your a 1st, 2nd 3rd, single ect, know whatever problems you are dealing with Allah's plan for you is much bigger than that. Be thankful of whatever Allah has already given you in this life. And know that when your intentions are pure and sincere you will see the benefits of this. But if you start something will ill intentions no good can come from it.  

When in doubt, make lots of dua and istakara before any big moves.If you believe from the depths of your heart that the Allah wishes the best for you, then no matter what happens, you won’t be worried. As long as you know you’re taking the right action then no matter what the outcome is, you’ll surrender to it with peace. There’s nothing to be afraid of, because there is nothing better than being content with the knowledge that Allah is doing what is best for you..
Have a happy Friday yall!

Another thing I like to add, the previous post did get a little heated. As women we are emotional I know I am lol. Anything that I may have said that offended anyone or hurt there feelings I ask Allah to forgive me of that, that was so not my intention. I pray Allah continues to give me strength and wisdom to deal with this life. :-)
....Ok HAPPY FRIDAY!

Calling all 2nd , 3rd and 4th wives...

Aslaamu-alaikum world, whats really good? Hope everyone out there is doing well. I'm sitting here sipping on some oh so delicious french vanilla coffee and decided now was a good time to post some questions I have been pondering. Ok, so there is some rumors out there that there are some women that love polygamy and enjoy having a cowife, and they are besties and all that jazz lol. Of course this is not my situation, nonetheless I am curious about these bestie relationships. For those of you who are friends with the cowife, how did you come to this point? Were you friends before or after many catfights did you decide its better to be a lover than a fighter? LOL? In previous posts when I was still rather naive to the reality of this, I mentioned that I thought me and Snipes may one day be friends or at least have a working relationship. Well I defiantly do not feel this way anymore. Me and Snipes have a hate-hate relationship, and that's fine it works for us. LOL. I am not interested in anything about her, the things that I have been told by Hassan just cause more room for fitna. And I really feel the hubbie's really should watch what they say about each wife, because before they know it their awesome home will be turned into a fitna factory , and nobody wants all that drama.

Some questions I had for some of the consecutive wives out there, 2nd , 3rd ect, is if and when you find out that the other previous wife is having a hard time, going through a lot of pain because of the situation do you feel bad at all? Do you feel at all somewhat responsible for her heartache? Or are you simply like, oh well thats life ..she kick rocks and keep it moving? I really am convinced Snipes doesn't feel bad at all, but I know everyone , and everybody's situation is different.

Also another question for the consecutive wives, when the hubbie leaves to go be with the first wife how are you dealing with this? Are you ok with this because this is something you willingly got yourself into. Or are you struggling with this as well? This is open to all cowives to respond I really would like some feedback on this. Was doing some reading and was really wondering about some of these questions. So second wives and 3rd please respond, nobody is judging over here. I am not going to flame you, like I said before I dont have a problem with 2nd, and 3rd wives just Snipes lol.
Gotta go workout now ..looking forward to feedback on this :-)

Houston we have problem..lol maybe

Aslaamu-alaikum world , whats really good? So so much going on, so many decisions to make. Who knows what the future will be. One thing that I have been talking to my sisters about these last few days is... I DONT EVEN FEEL MARRIED. LOL Like right now I really feel free as a bird. I am not sure if this is a bad thing or not, but if some fine Muslim Shemar Moore lookalike hottie tried to holla I wouldn't even feel bad about giving out my number. I know this is bad right , because technically I am still married to Hassan, but it doesn't feel like it. lol . Let me clarify before anyone says anything crazy, I would never disrespect my relationship and do anything crazy like talking to another man.Nor would I do anything haram, regardless how I am feeling. But its just crazy how you really never know how much certain situations will effect you.. Not feeling married when you ARE is not good. Oh well. This is what happens when you are feeling unfulfilled in a relationship. If I were still in the same house as him I may not feel this way who knows. This break is allowing me what I need so changes are good. Time to reflect, get my mind right and live life happy. Life is far too short to be miserable, sad, depressed or in any prolonged state of non-fabulousity .

In other news, I'm  really excited for this week. Have lots of things planned and going to kick my workouts up a notch. Try to work on some real estate investments that are in the works as well as some other business deals. So inshallah this week will be very promising and rewarding! Also have a few good books on the reading list for this week.

• From Monogamy to Polygyny a way through . By Umm Abdur Rahman Hischfelder and Umm Yasmen Rahmaan
• When Muslim Marriage Fails By Suzy Ismail

So inshallah this week will be good. Inshallah I will be sure to give book reviews as I go along and when I finish.

What are you thankful for?

Aslaamu-alaikum. Hmmm...Whats up world? Hope everyone out here is doing good. So today most americans are celebrating Thanksgiving... eating lots of grub and trying to be thankful for something. So I was thinking, as muslims we are really supposed to be thankful to Allah everyday, however I still wanted to reflect today on what I am thankful for. Well...

I am thankful that I am so amazing. I am thankful that I dont know where Snipes lives because knowing may or may not give thought to bad ideas of keying cars. LOL.
I am thankful that I am dealing with this now, instead of 8 kids and 13 years later. I am thankful that I can throw up a peace sign at anytime. I am thankful for my education, Islamic and secular knowledge is power yall. I am thankful that my sense of style is effortlessly fabulous. I am thankful that my mom raised me with some good sense and strong head on my shoulders..so when I see some foolishness I can call it out. I am thankful for my awesome family, who continue to give me strength and courage to face each new day and challenge. I am so thankful that I am Muslim, otherwise this situation would have likely caused me to drinking ...and or possibly some other toxic behavior. LOL. I am thankful that whatever money I make I can keep 100% and do not have to pay any bills unlike Snipes. LOL . I am thankful that in this moment I dont hurt anymore. I am so thankful that I didn't key Hassan's car...lookin back that wouldn't have been a good idea. Prison blue...not my color. I am also thankful I did make those special brownies ...gotta get laughs in when you can. I am so thankful I took this much needed vacay to relax and regroup. I am thankful that I can honestly say I have did things according to the sunnah and how things are supposed to go down, so if I need to peace out..I will have no regrets.  I am thankful that through all this I have been true to myself and what I stand for. Dudes are crazy, life is crazy, and I never wanna lose myself in someone's  foolishness. I am thankful I stop myself after thinking of doing crazy stuff to Hassan. Its so not worth it. Its so not my fault he was dropped on his head a few dozen times and cannot appreciate the awesome jewel he was blessed with. I am thankful my Umi and Abu have awesome genes and produced some gorgeous children . (I'm not conceited i promise lol) I am thankful for my health and thankful for a new day to grow and learn what this life has to offer. I am thankful to my awesome gym..and the kickboxing class they offer LOL. I am thankful for the iSubha iphone app now I can track all the zikr I do!. I am thankful I dont pay my cell phone bill..or any other bill for that matter. I am thankful for starbucks and the awesome Carmel macchiato! I am thankful for my adorable nieces and nephews ..can love them and then send them back to their mommies!I am thankful for all the skills Allah has blessed me with. I am thankful for these awesome cupcakes I just made. What are yall thankful for ??

My Umi said shine your light on the World!!

"My Umi says shine your light on the world ..shine your light for the world to see." -Mos Def

Whats really good world? Wow so today has been interesting...and when I say interesting I mean borderline amazing! So as you all know I have been on vacay with the family and today I just had a overall awesome day. I spend some good quality time with my adorable nieces and nephew whom I rarely see and caught up on some reading, as well as make some big progress with some business plans I am working on. Feeling very accomplished today! This break has allowed me some time to reflect on life and love and my marriage and see things for how and what they are. Who knows how things will play out, whether me and Snipes will ever get along or will one day throw blows, but one thing for sure "operation restore happiness" is in full effect. Polygamy in many aspects is a very selfish act/practice at times. (not always but often) So as women its good to be selfish too. You dont have to change your whole personality or anything but just realize you should now spend most of your energy focusing on yourself, your happiness and your akirah. You better believe mr. wonderful no matter how awesome he may or may not be; isnt spending his nights thinking of you and how its affecting you. Neither is whomever your cowife is. So why think about them? I so do not. Hassan made a comment the other day, Snipes feels that "I always try to do things to F' with her head and make her mad on her days." WTF?? Really hmmm how about no. I can really care less about Snipes. Nobody is going out of there way to make her feel F' up. If she feels this way this has nothing to do with me. People really make me laugh sometimes. You go out and marry, a married man then have the nerve to get mad at me when other people in the community question your relationship or put you on blast.What the?? oh well , cant tell folks nothing. But anyways I'm not letting anyone Snipes or Hassan stop my shine. Whenever I decide to come back to Hassan it defiantly will be a new day lol. I am not gonna be mean or catty or anything just more self-absorbed lol. You have to do this sometimes. But anyways I am so looking forward to this week. My family really doesn't officially celebrate thanksgiving, because as Muslims thanksgiving is everyday. But we do plan to get together since everyone is off and still in town from Eid and have a big dinner. Inshallah I will make some cupcakes or cheesecake to bring. Cant wait to see my other nieces and nephews all together!

So glad I decided to take a break. So much more happiness and less drama when I am with my family. I do miss the quiet of my home, since now everywhere I go there are busy children lol. But I have to "do me".
"You can either dwell in the dark, or choose to shine your light." -Chief Weber Grey's Anatomy lol. I'm shinning my light all day long!

Eid Mubarak

Aslaamu-alaikum world. I have been on a blogging break for a few days. Sorting things out and planning for Eid. This Eid was AWESOME! Seriously this Eid al-adha was the best day I have had in a long time. Me and Hassan went to Eid prayer together. It was really nice, nice kutbah and lots of people. Also my outfit was so fly. It was custom made was looking gorgeous from head to toe. Hassan was getting so jealous because a lot of brothers here seriously dont know how to lower their gaze and was checking out me as I walked in. So now he is trying to be oh so nice. Complimenting me like crazy, telling me he loves me so much and all of this other sweet stuff. Hmm....whatever. The few days leading up to Eid was good. Yea he was actually trying be nice before the Eid, maybe trying see if he was getting a present..um no. lol. Later Eid day we had a nice date night and relaxed. Went to a movie and grabbed some dessert since we were both stuffed from earlier.  Things are getting back to normal but there is still so much I need to sort out and figure out. So I decided to take a break for awhile. So right now we are I guess separated while I visit my family for the holidays. He really didn't take me leaving to well and wanted me to stay and work on things, but I just cant not right now. Him and Snipes are already having problems, dont know why he tells me their business I tell him not to. But I dont even care right now, I'm like ok dude you wanted to be with Snipes, see how fun it is now, knock yourself out. Its really quite funny/sad depending on how you look at it lol, but he doesnt even come to her till crazy late at night on her nights 10-11pm! lol. And this is not my doing, this dude stays out on his own. Oh well cant tell folks nothing, people always want to "test the waters" ...those waters looking real muddy right about now lol.People dont miss the water till the well has gone dry. I am so over worrying about them. I plan to travel and focus on me for awhile. If he is lucky maybe i will eventually come back to him, and bring the light back to his life lol. Who knows, we shall see how things turn out. Hope everyone had a great Eid. I did. And am still celebrating there are parties all weekend long here that I plan to go to. No more tears over here !

You think you know, but you have no idea

Aslaamu-Alaikum world. I'm back. So much as gone on this week, its really been something like a whirlwind. Unbelievable, still very surreal this life. Through this week, I have seen so many posts/comments about what people would or wouldn't do, wouldn't tolerate ect ect. Making judgments, calling names, acting "holier than thou." Its very interesting all of this, the options, advice, questions, and answers for questions that I never even said, or asked for that matter. LOL Often when people are outside a situation it is easy for them to say what they would or wouldn't do, who is fair and who is not, and what should or shouldn't be tolerated. I get it, I've been that girl saying to myself years ago, "i would never be in polygamy, or would never let x,y z go down" But when you are smack dab right in the mix of a situation it is much more complicated than that. Much more complicated than you ever thought possible. You think or thought that if and when such situations presented itself you would have some magic blueprint of how to go about things. How things would turn right back around to become the life you've always imagined and just like that your situation would be "fixed". But this is so not the case. Honestly you never know what you would actually do in a situation until you are in that situation. You are not Miss Cleo, you cannot Jedi mind trick your way to controlling other people's thoughts. And even when you are in the situation you still have doubts, question your decisions, motives, feelings.
Life is complicated, this is very complicated, I wish there was some magic wand to simplify things and make the decisions I need to make clear as day, but its not.

I do appreciate the good advice/feedback. Some of it honestly I haven't even read. My brain has been far to fried to go thru all the messages. This is why some posts are still pending, some posts that prob need to be deleted also. This situation has been very revealing. Things about myself I have seen, new strengths that are surprising, and things about others. One thing I think one of the other posters said which really hit home (for got who said this) was during this process so much changes. And the thing I feel has changed so much already is my friendship with Hassan. I am no longer mad, just hurt. But the friendship aspect of our relationship, feeling like I cant or dont want to tell him things. Feeling like there is now a mystery of privacy.. like does she now know my business? Feeling like if I have good news about something, he was usually the first person I'd tell but now , its like I cant. Its crazy how so much can change in such a little time. Still working on my master plan whatever that may be. To the person who posted about "if you stay does the marriage become one of just toleration." Well I cannot really answer that at this time. It has only been 1 week since him and Denise finalized the deal, which I was told was a very kufar like ceremony and reception. But anyways. I think women who have been in polygamy far longer than I can give a better, fair response. In the beginning eyes are still cloudy, emotions are still high, and the brain is still fried. So questions/answers given now, will likely change in the future.

But this week although was draining, was still eventful and fun. We went to the movies, went bowling , went Eid shopping, got a lot of work done. Inshallah my head will be a little clearer next week. Looking forward to Eid!!!

This is for the birds

Salaams world. Omg I have the worse headache/ wannabe migraine ever. I am still so confused, still cant believe this is MY life. It all seems so surreal. Hassan tried be all nice last night and bring me some roses home and some bubbly. But i am not feelin it at all. This is just one big confusion circle. Cant wait for these drugs to kick in. I know in previous posts leading up to this I kept talkin about being positive, seeing the big picture and having a new perspective. Well screw all that love and happiness crap. This..feeling like this..man its for the birds really.
I think i should take some sort of kick-boxing class or something at the gym let some of this anger out. And he is just thinking everything will just magically go back to normal. This dude is so out of touch with reality. I dont even think he fully realizes/understands/accepts the severity and reality of his actions. This ish will soon hit the fan and he will be looking around like oh snap. WTf. Yep..oh well people have to learn the hard way. He has been home since Monday and tonight he goes to see Snipes. The whole thought of it makes me so sick. Maybe if I lived in another country/community where polygamy was more widely accepted I wouldnt feel so bad. But it sucks to know that the word is already getting out and now at Eid people are going to be gossiping and all this other B.S . This is so f'd up. I dont see why anyone in their right mind would want to be a 2nd wife if they truly knew how it hurts the 1st and how they will feel the SAME way too. If me and Hassan divorce I think I will get me some old suave Blair Underwood/ George Cloony type, these young guys dont know what to do with themselves. Old guys have issues too...I dont even know people suck of all ages lol.

I know by me keeping this blog I am putting a lot of my business out there on front street. But I really feel even if it helps one sister not have to deal with the pain of polygamy then it is worth it. And also nobody really knows me personally so I dont care. You know how you have a migraine when it feels like you have a tiny little midget in your head that is repeatably kicking your brain. Yep migraine its official. lol I know some of post/comments are getting out of control but sorry my brain cant function on the level it needs to moderate all of the comments.

Who knows how this will play out. Yesterday Hassan woke up late for work, he gets up and rushes to the office where his work clothes are usually already ironed and ready for him and laid out . LOL nothing is there. LOL So he comes back to the bedroom looking like a confused little boy. Oh well. I'm not a maid all those little extras are cut off. Snipes can do that if she wants but it wont be me.
In other news about the debate over the male/female ratio, whether it exist or not. I have yet to meet a brother or sister who is marrying solely to help out some single sister in the "community". He wants to help himself get a side piece. Anyways I'm done for now. Yall make dua for ya girl cuz who knows how this will end up. Really considering throwing up a peace sign. lol

Where the heck is Jake Sully??

Aslaamu-alaikum world. So this has been very interesting to say the least. So Hassan came home last night, trying to "follow"  the schedule I made . I can only imagine how much it must suck to just have married a man, give up your goodies and the VERY next night is is back home to his wife. Hmmm oh well, not my problem. So yea this guy comes home and is trying to act like everything is supposed to be all cool and back to normal. I'm starting to see the big picture which I have been missing this whole time. Snipes IS his drug dealer, lol it all makes sense now. He must have been seriously smoking some good rocks to think he can come back to my awesome self and I would just welcome him back with open arms. Ummm no...actually heck no. Maybe she has been slippin him some PCP on the low this whole time lol. And the funny thing is he had the nerve to make a comment about being tired from driving 4 hrs back this morning, like I care about him being tired. Really? I could care less if he is tired or whatever. He is so out of touch with reality right now.

So anyways, usually I cook dinner. Most people in my family guys included are awesome chefs. Not trying toot my own horn or nothing but I can make a lasagna that will make Emeril Lagasse say BAM! LOL Hassan is used to coming home to dag near 5 star quality cooking like this is a Iron chef contest up in here. So last night what do i cook? Hmmm a nice veggie burger for me. Nothing for Hassan. Cooking will be one of the things I will be boycotting from here on out. I mean a girls still gotta eat but I am not going  to be making anything for this guy. He can go over Snipes house on her days and get something while she learns to cook. Its funny  I was reading a post/comment about how I shouldnt be mean to Hassan because that will only make Snipes look more attractive. First I dont give a dang about being mean to him. He wants to act a fool and expect me to just act like the marriage with Snipes isnt a reality and go back to being awesome...Umm no. and second Snipes needs all the help she can get "looking more attractive".

Oh another thing that happened yesterday that was oh so funny. After dinner I changed into this cute sexy nightie. To relax in and just F' with his mind. I come downstairs and his eyes get all big and he starts starring at me. Trying look at me like "whats up". I'm like dude you must be still high to think anything will be going down over here. Abstinence in full effect around these parks lol. People have to be reminded sometimes how good they had it. Oh well I tried to tell folks but they gotta learn the hard way.

This whole situation has really got me thinking about life, men, women and relationships in general. So many women I know are going thru serious issues in their relationships(not just polygamy). So many men just want to act a fool. This is why there needs to be a new species to choose from lol. Yep I've said it I am so over men of the human race. LOL. Where is Jake Sully when you need him? Where are the Navi people at? That's what I am talking bout. We need to have some other options. Yes I know before people write in, all men DONT suck. I know this. But there are many that are just so clueless and delusional. You start to think to yourself like..is this a bad batch? Can I get a refund on this dude? All I am saying is why cant we have some other options out there? LOL

But yes, i am feeling better today. Maybe because he had half a brain and came home. Maybe I am over the crying . Who knows. I am about to hit up the gym and then work on some things for work. I am just really nonchalant right now. That sums it up I guess. Until later guys and dolls :-)

WTF..Bamboozled!

Salaams world. Wow, wow... So on what undoubtly is the worst day of my life, everything seems so surreal. 

Today was supposed to be the "wedding" of Hassan and Snipes. Just really cant believe this crap.Like I am thinking to myself, wait a min this cant be MY life , this cant be how things are going down. I am partly numb, but mostly tired from hurting like this. The way I am feeling now, no words can even describe it. Someone , somewhere needs to revise the English language to include a new word for pain, that is a combination of devastation, anguish, betrayal , violation, humiliation , and just all around f'd up. Today was ok for the most part, got hair did, had a girls movie night. But after my the girls night was over, and I am here in this big  empty house all alone the reality of this really hits me. This crazy dude hasn't called me all day. Hasn't texted to see if I was still alive and not attacked by a vampire squirrel or something. But mostly just call to console me. Like WTF..Seriously any men out there thinking of getting a side piece, if you are selfish enough to go thru with it, the least you can do is call your WIFE and see how she is doing and console her in some way . Even if she doesn't answer her phone because she doesn't want to talk to an idiot like you, at least you tried. I am just beyond mad, beyond hurt right now. There is no excuse for being an ASSHOLE. (and people dont write in telling me I shouldn't slander folks, cuz i really dont care right now) I feel so done right now. So ready to just throw up a peace sign pack everything and just dip. I dont wish this feeling on my worse enemy, not even Denise aka Snipes. I woke up this morning feeling ok, did lots of zikr after fajr and throughout the day. But its not like I even miss him is the lack of concern that really pisses me off and hurts me. I am so thankful I dont have any kids with this dude. I really dont know what is wrong with a mans brain to think this type of behavior was ok. To just go back on your word, your promises like they mean nothing. Yea we all know men get excited of a new "toy" but so the freak what. You still have responsibilities to your awesome wife you already have. I am just so livid right now. And yes this is coming from a dark place its been one of those weeks. Sometimes I wonder if his brain is leaking or is he just that clueless. This crap is really for the birds. I am so drained right now but I am not sleepy. Ugh why do people have to suck so bad. Just when you think someone is actually decent you wake up and smell the coffee and realize you have been Bamboozled the entire time. Yep that's what it feels like, been bamboozled, hoodwinked!

Schedules...WTF

Salaams world so today has been interesting to say the least. Omg  I swear this chick Denise is really about to make me hurt her little feelings. Its not my fault she looks like Samuel L. Jackson with a hijab on. Some people just have no respect for others and need to get checked.I better not see her in the streets or it will be a misunderstanding for real . lol


So...Anyways.. I am trying to put this schedule together for rotation days and I am just so pissed right now. Like I am so not feelin this at all right now. I shouldnt have to "schedule" time with my husband, this fool needs to just keep coming home everyday like he has been. This month Eid al-adha is right around the corner and so is Thanksgiving (which i could care less about) This whole situation just pisses me off all over again. One min I'm like ok maybe this can work. The next thing I know i'm looking for ground flax seeds for some special brownies. This whole thing has really taken me out of my element and cause me to think and do things out of character. But this schedule b.s is for the birds. I want to spend EID together. I dont want him going to the next Eid with her, parading around like everything is cool and its not. Whoever is thinking of being in polygamy DO NOT DO IT. It will suck , badly!

Another thing I was thinking about which me and my sisters were also discussing is Hajj. Hajj is right around the corner Nov 14-17th this year. This is something that is required by all Muslims to complete. I really think if a man hasn't even made Hajj yet, the idea of a second wife or 3d should not even be in his brain. These dudes are so extremely unrealistic, selfish and arrogant at times. Trying to follow this 1 sunnah at all cost. Yet, neglect something that is FARD!! If a man has extra money this should be spent saving and planning for Hajj. Not trying to get some side piece. And then for the man that hasnt made Hajj yet like Hassan, then what are you going to do when you have 2 wifes 0 extra money and still an obligatory obligation? This guy is really about to make me lose it. Its so unbelievable how a male's thought process works. Sometimes I wanna ask Hassan, when did he start smoking crack and where is his supplier, because this whole scenario is so jacked up. He must have really been on some strong stuff to think I would just go along for the ride with a smile. I dont know today is been sucking. I gotta go tend to my brownies . And another things women need to quit marrying these men who cannot fully support you. Dont be mad later that your paying 89% of your bills when he told you this from jump. Sisters out there that are thinking of giving up your rights just to get married, think again you deserve better even if you look like Wesley Snipes with a hijab. LMAO

Organic ground flax seeds $6.49
Dark chocolate Brownie Mix $1.25
Walnuts $2.00
Toffee chips $1.89
To be a fly on the wall when she sees the hickies and expeirence the side effects of the special brownies...
PRICELESS!!!!!!! LMAO

Hmmm to kiss or not?

Salaams world. Omg been thinking lol. So these past few days I have been surprisingly calm considering what is being planned very soon. The concubine and Hassan finalizing their "arrangement." So I was thinking to myself and talking to my sister about hickies. I know, hickies are so junior high and I do not even do that. BUT, i thought it would be funny that if/when they get married Hassan has a big hickie on his neck from me. lol Am I mean to do this? Would this look skanky? Who even cares lol. I kinda want to piss her off a little I admit it, i really do. I know I would be pissed if the guy I was going to marry showed up to our wedding with a big ol tramp stamp on his neck. And then it will be always in the wedding pictures for years to come LMAO! classic. I may or may not do this. Its not really my style but, he is my husband and i can do what I want so we shall see. And I know some people will reply like you wouldn't want her to do that to you..yada yada yada. Also I am not really feelin how people always expect the 1st wife just to be all gracious and miss pious princess 24x7 over a life changing decision. You cant ALWAYS take the high road. I mean its good if YOU can, more power to you. But bottom line is , this sister "Denise" doesnt care anything about me. She doesnt care about my feelings and how their relationship can and will effect me. She is only focused on marrying my husband. So why is it that I am the one who has to be all nice 24/7? Hmmm not sure if I'm feelin that.But if she did give him a hickie after they got "married" oh well I plan to be celibate anyways for awhile so not worried about that. I just think it will be funny. Maybe I'm mean lol. And no I am not in a dark sad place today. Today has been pretty awesome with the exception of forgetting my ATM card at home when i was at Starbucks and looking like a homeless orphan when i had to walk away from my caramel macchiato ...But the rest of the day borderline amazing lol

Get a life

Asalaamu-Alaikum World. So I have been gone for a min. Its been quite the busy week. Hmm what has been going on? I have been working a little bit and doing a lot for school. Sometime I wish I had a remote for my life (like the movie Click) lol and I can just fast forward all the stuff I dont want to deal with. So today is going great. Feeling all warm and fuzzy still. Its been a roller coaster ride for sure, but Al-humdillah I am on top today! So stepping a way for a few days allowed me to clear my head , rethink the master plan. Being busy these last few days have been awesome for my emotions. This is why I say get a life. In any difficult situation whether it be starting a polygamous marriage or trying to decipher Chinese algebra you cannot , I repeat CANNOT let the crap consume you. Seriously you will go crazy, and start walking around the house like a paranoid mad woman counting down and second guessing EVERYTHING! Chill, seriously and find some things you LOVE to do that make you forget about whatever it is that is irking your nerves at the moment. If its the hubbie, have a girls night, if its the kids get a sitter lol.

When I was first presented with this situation, omg I am not going to lie, this dude was about to have me catch a case. I really thought he started smoking crack somewhere or maybe some PCP, because the whole thought of me being in polygamy was such a delusional thought for him to say. I really was about to lose it..lol  a few times.But then after I snapped back to reality I realized nothing is worth my sanity, and Allah's plan for me is bigger than what ever issue I am facing. Yes , this has been such an emotional ride, and I really feel any man trying to consider this has to be exceptional. Not just ok baller status, but seriously knows how to deal with a woman's emotions and needs. I think most men who go thru this, at some point thinking, when did my awesome wife turn into a bi-polar psycho LOL. Its cool it happens to the best of us. But ladies and gents, just keep in mind the saying "this too shall pass" , anytime you feel like throwing up a peace sign and calling it quits. 

Getting a life is necessary and it truly helps. I defiantly had more than enough things to do before all of this, but consciously adding activities that I liked to my schedule, not just things I needed to do has really helped. One of the reasons first wives have such a hard time with the hubbie getting a 2nd (if done in a halal manner& if the hubbie is awesome) is that often we put so much effort into trying to please our husbands and be the perfect wife. So when he has the audacity to try to get a 2nd after all the hard work and "training" lol you put into him, your looking at this dude like he is crazy. Not only that as women we are wired to be caregivers and nurturers, and often if our hubbie is a sweetheart we put him on a pedestal. When the idea of polygamy enters the conversation we soon realize although we can give 100% of our heart to him, he would like to give 50%. Slowly he is taken from the pedestal and we realize he is only human. He has desires and needs which we may never fully understand. This is why you cannot make your husband your LIFE. No matter how awesome he is it is unhealthy for him to be your whole world. Get a life and surround yourself with things and people you love. This situation doesnt define me, and it will not. I am much more than a "first wife." I think once women start to shift their way of thinking of themselves first, then it will be easier for them to accept plural marriages if and when presented with it.

Stressed?

Aslaamu-alaikum world. Yeah I know I said I would be gone for a few days ...but oh well cant stay away lol.
So anyways was looking up some alternative ways to relieve stress and came across a nice article I wanted to share. No I dont mean smoke weed, or have a glass of wine. Some nice halal ways that work.(In no particular order)

1. Pray
2. Keep a Gratitude Journal
3. Play Music and Cook Something Good
4. Surround Yourself with Positive Energy
5. Learn to Say No To Demands on Your Time
6. Take a Nap
7. Dance
8. Workout 
9. Put on music and clean
10. Play with children
11. Play wii (esp wii fit)
12. Go for walk
13. Hot shower/bath
14. Deep breathing
15. Surround yourself with postive energy (yea i know its on list 2x but its so important to do. Negativity can throw of your Mojo lol)
16. Listen to Quran 
17. Listen to a good lecture
18. Tasbeeah/ zikr
19. eat chocolate
20. Have a girls night
21. Watch a funny movie
22. Get spa treatment massage/facial ect
23. Cut down on some of your commitments!

Hmm if only everyone were awesome

Salaams world. Sometimes you just feel like screaming. Just one of those days. No not nothing Hassan did or this whole situation just people in general. If everyone could just be as awesome as me this world would be a better place lol. I'm gonna take a step back from blogging for a few days. For those who have my email holla. Everyone else, live , laugh . love!

And another side note, for those who ever feel the need to try to check someone, ask yourself first "is what I am saying going to benefit this person and allow them to be more productive? Or am I simply venting my feelings and opinions that are not constructive?." Things that make you go hmmm...lol Anyways peace and love guys and dolls.

Inner peace and all that warm and fuzzy...

Aslaaum-Alakum world. So I have been having a humbling last few days. So many people assume that because a marriage may be polygamous that you are stressed like crazy and ready to throw up a peace sign and leave your hubbie any second. This is not the case. Perhaps my blog maybe misleading lol, I try to be honest with my feelings as I feel them and as things happen. Marriage as we all know is 1/2 one's deen which that in itself tells us it will be challenging and filled with many tests. If your Chemistry teacher tells you half your final exam will be on the periodic table. I bet you would do your best to memorize that bad boy front back and sideways. So marriage is no different. It being half one's deen is letting Muslims know, dont slip and slack off in your marriage. Strong marriages promote and help build a strong community. Without that as Muslims we are truly living in a sad state. So anyways back to the whole inner peace thing, I have been doing a lot of dua, zikr, and reading and really very appreciative of the life I have right now.The Quran says :
"And among His Signs is this that He created for you spouses of your own kind, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy for one another: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Quran 30:21)

Ok so for those that are reflecting, marriage is about being calm and tranquil, to feel all warm and fuzzy. Allowing this polygyny situation to go down isn't going to interfere with the happiness I already have. I wont let it. This situation doesn't define me. If someone asked who I were the first thing out my mouth isnt "the 1st wife." Yeah its a nice title and it feels good to pull rank at times so to speak but this situation is not bigger than why we are here and Allah's plan for me. First and foremost I am Muslim. I have my duties to Allah first, then my husband. I think too often women loose track of what is important and the reasons why they are here in the first place. If we keep in mind that this life is one big test and one day we will leave to meet our creator, only then will we begin to change our way of thinking as a result our situation. And that my friends lol is what will bring about inner peace. Not your husband, no matter how awesome he may be, not the cheesecake factory omg so good, and not being best friends with your cowife. Knowing your deen and loving what Allah has given you will provide you with more happiness than any person walking this earth. This is what we should strive for, a deeper understanding of knowledge. When I first started this blog many times I would be so mad and say to myself, "what the heck am I getting out of this deal." Really at times I didnt see how "bettering my deen" was a good trade off of what both of them would be gaining. I really felt jipped lol. Its sad to say but it is what it is. But strengthening my deen is much better than anything material my husband could ever provide. The concubine yeah she will get a husband, some money, lover ect. But if my husband left her or Allah forbid dies and he leaves us both, the only thing she can take with her to the hereafter is her deen. I'd much rather have gained that.

Make your list and check it twice

Aslaamu-Alaikum world. So yesterday pretty much sucked. But today was so much better. This is why I say you have to take things one day at a time. I talked to my older sister today and she really made me feel better . I really hope she will be able to move here soon, that would be so awesome. She is two years older than me and although I have other sisters me and her are the closest. I miss her so much. My sister is so  awesome Mashallah, she is defiantly more educated in her deen and practical in her way of thinking. She always gives me good advice based on logic and deen not just emotion. After I talked with her I decided to make a list of reasons why I love Hassan and reasons why I want to punch him in the eye lol. So the love column was 25 reasons. And the other column only had 3 things, "wannabe polygamist" was on the top of the list. LOL. Seeing things in black in white helped me put things in perspective again. This whole perspective thing keeps going back and forth. But I am glad I did it, it was a nice reminder of what is really important and what is not. Everything on the "punch in the eye" list were not deal breakers just things that irk me, but I could live with. I think in any relationship its good to asses where you stand and see why you really love them in the first place. Before I even met my husband I had the "list" of what I was looking for in a husband and when I met Hassan I checked off so many things on the list. In any stage of a relationship I think this is so important to do. Prior to getting married and during rough patches of your relationship, you have to re-evaluate things and see if he is still the Mr.Wonderful he claimed to be in the beginning.

The list and all the support the wonderful sisters have been giving me has really helped me deal with this a lot better. Its just hard for me to stay mad at him. So earlier today I was feeling like crap, was in a lot of pain, drugged up and feeling nauseous. So Hassan called me to see how my Dr.'s appointment went and before I could ask him, he asked me if I wanted some take-out so I wouldn't have to cook dinner. He probably knew I wasn't going to feel like slaving over a hot stove for hours anyways, but it was a sweet offer. Always good to have a night off, I cant be Julia Child  everyday. So he came home with pizza and chocolate great combination. Man, just when I wanna punch him in the eye he goes and does something sweet to remind me why I love his stubborn self in the first place lol.

A BMW for a Ford Focus

Asalaamu-alaikum world. So I am sitting here its crazy late around these parks. I cant sleep what a surprise. As weeks and days draw near to the "wedding" of the prostitute.. I mean the sister Denise and Hassan it seems I get more and more confused. I've told him it is like he is trading in a 2011 BMW convertible for a 1978 ford focus. Ok , I know they didnt make Ford focus in 1978 but you get my point. I just dont understand how his brain works sometimes it is just one big confusion circle. Like at first I was thinking ok he is doing a noble thing marrying this divorced unattractive sister who is unable to find a husband. But now after I have seen her attitude many times I can see the previous reasons why she couldn't find anyone weren't just because of her looks. She really needs an attitude adjustment. Its funny he tells me "Sweetheart you would be the perfect Christian wife." WTF??? I guess in his mind since I treat him very good but have a lot of resistance to his "rights" this makes me unislamic or whatever. Who cares anymore. Like seriously, I really just wanna punch him right now. Like yes he is a good husband but so what, that doesnt mean you can just be selfish and completely overlook your awesome wife's feelings just so you can fulfill some lifelong dream of having a collection of women. So I told him he is about to trade in his BMW for a old rusty broke down Ford focus. lol Me being the BMW if you are following my analogy and her being the Ford. So now I call her ford focus lol. I just cant bring myself to even say her real name in my house. It still makes me want to vomit. Like I think the issue is I have spoiled this dude way to much.. am not trying to toot my own horn or nothing but BEEP BEEP ...I am an awesome wife... Hassan wants for nothing around our house. There are going to be some BIG changes in a few weeks. I dont know maybe this is coming from an angry place tonight, but it is what it is. LOL.Its just going to be very hard to be my same normal awesome self after he finalizes things with "Ford Focus" aka Denise. There is gonna be a lot of Ramen noodles being cooked around here that's all I have to say. Actually he will be lucky to get that..I think I am going to boycott a few things lol. I really feel the both of them are VERY selfish. And the shady part of it is the concubine was very good friends with his ex wife, who is very hurt that her friend is trying to marry her ex. I pray that I can maintain my calm, because who knows what will happen when it does go down. Even though I'm venting I have been surprisingly calm lately. All that yelling and crying takes too much energy. Its physically and mentally draining to carry on like that. Hmm yeah I am going to need some retail therapy in the am. I will have to hit up Hassan for some more money, after all no reason I should spend my own when I can spend his.

Once upon a time

Aslamu-Alaikum world, So decided to take one for the team and give a little brief history lesson so to speak on polygamy/polygyny. I promise it wont be boring LOL. Ok so I was talking with a friend (i hope she doesn't mind me posting this) recently she was sharing a story of what someone said to her regarding polygamy. She is also in the pre-phase of polygyny and someone told her in so many words that she either must have very low self esteem to consider polygamy or must be an angry black woman or Mormon.Huh? WTH? Hmmm really?  When she told me this I really had to laugh so hard. For one, she is neither of these things, she isnt black, or Mormon or low self esteem. The sister is very pretty Mashallah. When people say really stupid things sometimes you have to ask yourself, what is wrong with them? Were they dropped one too many times as a baby? Did they spend their early days eating glue and or paint chips? Is their brain leaking?  Or are they simply just on crack? All of these are likely answers to their obvious ignorance and stupidity. So for the people out there wandering the world thinking these are the only 3 possible scenarios for a woman to even consider it, let me enlighten you.

Basic definitions: 
Polygamy is a marriage where one person has more than one spouse. Polyandry is a practice where a woman has more than one husband at the same time. (Which as we all know is haram, but who would want that anyway?) And Polygyny is when a man has more than one wife.

Because I'm feeling lazy here is an except from an polygamy article online from an reputable site (no not wikipedia lol)

Polygamy has been practiced by mankind for thousands of years.
Many of the ancient Israelites were polygamous, some having
hundreds of wives.  King Solomon (peace be upon him) is said to
have had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines.
David (Dawood) had ninety-nine and Jacob (Yacub, peace be upon
them both) had four.  Advice given by some Jewish wise men state
that no man should marry more than four wives.  No early society
put any restrictions on the number of wives or put any
conditions about how they were to be treated.  Jesus was not
known to have spoken against polygamy.  As recently as the
seventeenth century, polygamy was practiced and accepted by the
Christian Church.  The Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter
Day Saints) has allowed and practiced polygamy in the United
States. 

Polygamy is practiced today in nearly every country in the world. Wow 

what a shocker nearly every race, and culture practice it...not just blacks 

and Mormons lol. Some countries practice illegally like the U.S, other 

countries such as Malaysia practice it openly. 

 People practice polygamy for various reasons. Although most wives first , second or third would all agree that they would prefer not to share the husband, they would likely also agree they would rather share a "good man" then have 100% of a loser. Let's face it, a lot of men suck. No I am not some angry bitter woman just stating facts. There are some slim pickens out there, not sure about men abroad only referring to Brothers around these parks. But just saying, people have issues this days. Before I married Hassan I turned down 9 YES NINE marriage offers. Ok so yes I am picky to some degree, but that's because I value myself and wasn't just going to settle for any loser that came around. There were so many reasons why I was attracted to my husband, he had/has a lot of the qualities that I was interested in. He's a good catch not even going to lie. So I can easily see why the concubine approached him. She probably was thinking to herself ," hmm he's pretty fly and is up on his deen handling his business, maybe I can be his second wife even thou I'll never come close to being as awesome as his first wife." LOL

Here in the U.S as well as abroad  many women (many with children) are currently all sleeping with the same man whether or not they know it and yet he has no legal responsibility to them. In this country its ok for people to have open relationship and "share" STDs but oh no let people actually get some morals and want to marry each other and all hell breaks loose.Lol  How many men have fathered umpteen number of children (unmarried) and are not contributing financially or otherwise to help these children be raised? Somehow this is more culturally acceptable? WTH?? lol At least polygamy gives the women some rights in the sense that the men are required to take care of them.

Ok, so back to my original point. The practice of polygamy isn't new. There are many benefits of practicing it for all parties involved if done right. And many women who are attractive and awesome, borderline amazing in every way practice it and are open to it. Yes, it is a struggle at times. All marriages are a struggle. Many people wanna give polygamy a bad name and say there are so many people not doing it right. Well there are so many people not doing monogamy right.The current divorce rate of monogamous marriages in the United States is around 55% , Hmmm....so what we shouldn't practice monogamy either?