If you cant cook stay out the kitchen!

                                                                Chicken Bryan

Aslaamu-alaikum world, so whats really good? So earlier today Hassan calls me on his way from home and we are talking and he mentions again that he is on his way to the store. So I say "what's up with you going to the store all the time, that's her job." Ok so I am very old school in regards to the husband and wife roles. My father is very old school as far as the woman should cook, clean, ect. and my mother raised me very independent so I guess that's why I am a jack of all trades lol. So anyways, he says "well i gotta eat." So I am like WTF, this chick doesn't have a job now, and cant go to the grocery store to get him some dinner and cook it? Wowzers , she is so slippen on her job. No man wants to work all day and then have to pickup takeout. The last 3 times I have talked to him on her nights, he is saying he has to go to the store. He has said before that her cooking skills are lacking severely. Ok, so ladies out there, all men want to come home to a decent meal. You dont have to be winning any iron chef contests (like me lol) but at least be able to make something semi-edible without having your man wanna barf. All adults male or female need to be able to throw down in the kitchen if need be. It just doesn't make sense for someone to be home all day and not cook. That is serious living in slackerville. She is already one step out the door she need all the skills she can. 

When I was not working, Hassan came home to 5 star meals all the time...and he still does. I told him "dont let me go over there and school her in the kitchen, she aint gonna like it" lol. Hassan asked me if it would be ok if he started stopping by for dinner on her nights because fast food sucks and so does her cooking. I was like sure Babe my door is always open. He's come over in the past for dinner and she has gotten upset about it. But really what does she expect? She better start watching FoodNetwork like thats the only channel on her TV and take notes. Otherwise she will be eating dinner alone. LOL. So anyways since I am talkin about food, here is a recipe for the chicken bryan (pictured above ) that I made. Hassan loved it ..this was soo good! Chicken Bryan is one of  Carrabbas ( really good Italian restaurant here in the states) most popular dishes. Its really good. I substituted the wine for apple juice and it turned out perfect! Made with fresh garlic mashed potatoes and steamed green beans. BTW got the recipe from here  used my George foreman to grill the chicken then did the rest.Going to make some beef stroganoff from scratch tomorrow for dinner will add the recipe later its really good. I make it in the crock pot so its very tender.
Ingredients:

• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon minced yellow onion
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
• 2/3 cup cold butter, sliced
• 1 1/2 cups chopped sun-dried tomatoes
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon white pepper
• 6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
• extra virgin olive oil, for brushing
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 8 ounces caprinogoat cheese or 8 ounces other goat cheese, room temperature 

Directions

• Saute garlic and onion in 2 Tbls. butter in a large skillet over medium heat until tender
• 2 Stir wine (apple juice) and lemon juice into skillet, increase heat to medium high, and simmer to reduce by half.
• 3 Reduce heat to low and stir in cold butter, one slice at a time.
• 4 Stir in tomatoes, basil, kosher salt, and white pepper; remove from heat; set aside.
• 5 Brush chicken breasts with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and black pepper.
• 6 Grill chicken over hot coals 15-20 minutes, or until cooked through.
• 7 A couple of minutes before chicken is done, place equal amounts of goat cheese on each breast Spoon prepared sun-dried tomato sauce over chicken.

Keep it real

Asalaaamu-Alaikum world whats really good. Been having a good week at work and despite the snow have been having a good few days with Hassan. Lots of movie nights since too cold to go out and do much. Lots of things are on the horizon for this weekend, spring cleaning, lots of laundry, and grocery shopping. Also work on some projects for school. Fun fun fun. Been working out all week and have lost 5lbs yay! Doing a combination of Jillian michaels 30 day shred and hitting up the gym for some intense cardio. So anyways its so interesting how people paint a picture of themselves one way and then get in to something and are totally a different way. Let's just say Hassan is feeling bamboozled right about now. A lot of the things him and Denise agreed upon before hand, and things she said she was down with she is re-niggin on. Which I told him would happen. But sometimes people have to learn things the hard way and burn their hands before they know the fire is hot. Oh well I tried to help him out so he wouldnt be under a mountain of stress. Somehow mysteriously she has lost her job. They originally agreed that he would pay what little bit he could afford and she said she was fine with that. And when he could do more he would do more, maybe next year or so. So what a surprise now all of a sudden I have a job and Denise does not. But dont get it twisted nothing is changing over this way. Regardless of their financial situation , my money is mine. I know that may sound selfish but oh well. I still love Hassan and dont want him strugglin but he knows and admitting that marrying her was a mistake for many reasons. I think what it truly was is after Denise caught feelings, fell in love or whatever she started resenting the fact that she had to work and pay most of her bills and I did not. So "somehow" she ends up unemployed and expects Hassan to cover everything knowing good and well that wasn't the agreement. Needless to say Hassan is less than pleased. But I guess the good thing about all this is he has been so appreciative of me even more so. Often people dont realize how good they had it till they get something that is so different and way worse than what they had. Then suddenly they are doing everything in their power not to loose the jewel that was already before them. I dont know how all this is going to play out. But to feel bamboozle and misled very early on is not a good sign for success.

Anyways today has been truly a beautiful day, have gotten a lot accomplished :-) So the phrase for today is keep it real lol. Also I think some second wives come into the mix thinking they are replacing someone and thinking they are going to regulate things, and that they are the missing piece of what the husband has been searching for his whole life. (not all but this was the vibe I got from Denise) So when sh-t hits the fan and they realize "oh snap i'm not the wind beneath his wings" its a rude awakening. But that life. :-) hope everyone enjoys their weekend I know I will. And I forgot about fitna free Friday this week was crazy busy inshallah i will get back on board next week.

Omg I never thought...

Hey world what is really good? Everything around my home today seems so ...quiet. Not sure if that is really a good thing or not. I have been so busy lately with work and business and haven't really had time to post. The last few days have been emotional to say the least, but now I am just feeling very nonchalant. I was talking to my sister earlier about things that I never even thought of that would change as a result of all of this. Omg I so should write a tell all book lol about this confusion circle polygamy love/hate triangle. Seriously ...girls I dont know how I'm still here and not up in the loony bin trying sell wooden nickles. Every option in this situation is hard. Nothing is easy, and not saying monogamous marriages have no problems , but just saying that when you are forced in polygamy either road you take to leave or stay is hard and painful. Since someone hasnt published any book on everything that changes the relationship when brothers start adding folks to the team, I decided now would be a good time to give short list of things. And before I do let me just say any man who tells his wife "nothing will change" is lying. For instance , lets say you live in the U.S, perhaps New york, Ohio, Mi, Colorado, Washington , Rhode Island, Maine or any ice cold frosty the snowman state; and there is a blizzard. Now lets say ol' boy is over the other ones house and you are snowed in. Hmmm what to do? Go outside and freeze your ass off and get to diggin? Say eff it and make snow angels?  Well my friends this is the situation I now find myself in. It has snowed , power is flickerin in and out like its poltergeist up in here .. its crazy and Hassan is nowhere to be found. This is the type of mess you never even think about, and when it happens you're the one pissed and mad lookin around for something to break lol. So I really dont know what I am going to do in the morning. Its a winter wonderland I could probably build frosty the snowman and his whole generation in my front yard with the snow that is covering my car alone. I have to go to work...I cant really call in. But the crazy part is im not even mad, surprised how calm I am considering it will take a good 2 hrs to shovel all that snow. Times like this it would be good to have a kid or at least some teenager around I could put to work. You should be able to rent kids if you dont have any lol . Now that's a good business idea. One of yall better jump on that and make some money. Ok so thats #1 . on the list of things that suck and change when your husband gets other people on the team. All this household maintenance stuff, lawn,shoveling snow, taking out trash, killing spiders all that crap is not in my job description as a wife. I haven't been doing it and I refuse to do it now.

Anyways so much changes, besides the fact that its hard to be friends with a man who betrays you. The whole level of communication and privacy is destroyed. Ok i'm done for now not tryin be all debbie downer but its time for me to change tone and do something positive.Next post i will add more to the "omg I never thought _ list" Gotta work on the master plan whatever that may be.

Curiosity Killed the cat

Hey whats really good world?? Ok so before I go into the details of this post let me just say that I am generally against any illegal activities, however sometimes there comes a point in your life when you have to bend the rules lol. Ok so Pin Cushion had me thinking and I also wanted to share something that happened recently. So we all know that spying is not good, it may or may not be haram. LOL  I'm not going to debate that, just as a general rule of thumb you shouldn't spy on others. Let me also just say that stress, and confusion circle situations often cause people to act out of character and do some off the wall mess that they might not normally do if they were in their right mind. Case in point checking husbands cell phones, or email, or browser history. No good can really come from this. For one, if you see something shady, or a message to the potential or current cowife, this will just piss you off and likely send you into a rage and want to break things. Which is not good. I think most women at some point in her life has gone through her man's stuff. Whether it be a cell phone, pocket, laptop, car, briefcase...it has been done. And for that small percentage of women out there who may not fit into this category...well either 1. you have some serious self control and kudos to you. Or 2. give yourself time it will happen :-)

For some strange reason spying is so fun. I mean I know I just said its not good and you shouldn't do it, which I still agree about. But, if by chance you somehow accidentally by no fault of your own, find yourself spying you get such an adrenaline rush...or so I'm told lol. So here is part 2 of this post. So there is this girl, lets just say for argument sake her name is Jaiyana, she is married to a guy name Hassan who is also married to a girl named Denise. So one day Jaiyana gets the bright idea "hmm I wonder what their house is like." So somehow she gets the exact address of Denise's house/apartment. No she didn't stalk Hassan and follow him over there. Ok so anyways, she then ponders hmm maybe it will be a fun idea to go over there while Denise is at work and just take a look around. Maybe leave a few things out of place LOL. Ok so technically going into someone's home uninvited is for some strange reason a crime in this country...hmm yea "breaking and entering" i think is what they call it. LOL.So this story "allegedly happened". I guess the whole love thy neighbor doesn't apply. So anyways Jaiyana "allegedly" lol gets the key off of Hassan's key ring and decides to make a trip over to the new place. Now I know some of you are reading thinking OMG she has finally lost it...the pressures of it all have been too much. Ok once again before I go any further with this story, let me just emphasize again that I am not promoting any illegal activities and plead the 5th if for some strange reason I am questioned about my whereabouts lol.

Ok, so back to the story at hand. So Jaiyana goes over the H&D's apartment armed with latex gloves so she wont leave any finger prints. She pulls up to the complex..parks at the next building in order to not look suspicious. She then gets out her car and walks to the apartment. But to her surprise she sees Denise's car parked . WTF? It was the middle of the day, what is Denise doing home, doesn't she have a job or something. So once again Denise has ruined everything lol and the plan has been foiled for now. I mean after all Jaiyana couldn't just go inside knowing Denise was there, that would be a cat fight for sure. So the plan was a bust. But at least now Jaiyana has a key to the other house in case of emergencies, lol you never know what could happen.

I wrote this post to let people know that you really never know what you will do in a situation until you are smack dab in the middle of that mess. And then you are still confused like ...huh? what the???? Also stress, curiosities, insecurities, frustration, anger, can cause people to really act out of character. I know I am not perfect, I am work in progress. Inshallah one day I will be dealing with this 1000x better than I am right now. But who knows when that day will come. Also I have a question for my awesome readers, you dont have to incriminate yourself buy telling your business . But just curious if you feel my actions were justified. Well technically I didn't do much but go and park and go for a walk. But lets say she wasn't home and I went inside. Hmm..? What would you do if you had access to the other woman's house. Would you go there? Would you be curious? And this is all on the bases of if you and her dont get along at all ...and if yall met in the streets it would be a problem for sure lol. If you two are already besties and do each others hair while eating cookies and drinking tea..then this need not apply to you. So...am I the only crazy one? Who else is with me on this ..on team crazy? LOL ok later guys and dolls. Need to handle some things.

Emotional Rollercoaster pt.2

What's really good world?? Hope everyone is having a beautiful day/night where ever they may be. So as some of you may have noticed I have different labels for the post. (---> to the right) This one appropriately in the transition category. But really , I have been thinking does a woman ever fully transition? And WTF is transitioning anyway? I mean how do you go from (in my case) being the #1 Trophy wife...to sharing your man and somehow being ok with it?? I dont know but it is really eff up. I guess I am feeling this way because I am over the whole "honeymoon stage" we have been having since I came back. The realness of it all is sinking in and sucking. Seriously it doesnt matter how much he is nice to me because bottom line he is still with Denise half of the week. There is no point of trying to understand his way of thinking and logic because the whole scenario never made sense. Was at the gym earlier and listening to this Drake song ..and I was like wow yea I can relate.

"And he lives in a mindset that I could never move to
Until you find yourself, it's impossible to lose you"

 I really feel Hassan's whole way of thinking is so foreign to my own. His desire for other woman to be on the team I feel is a subconscious need for approval from others. He's still finding himself, but somehow thinks he has time, energy, and stamina for everyone else. Woo--saaa! This was his game plan from the beginning, so really I never was his wife, just a pawn in his sick twisted game. I know its an eff up thing to say. But this is how I am feeling right now, so oh well it is what it is. You cant be strong everyday. What really irks me is these so called muslim woman who are ok with devastating families and ruining marriages just so they can get a piece. That's really not cool. But what goes around comes around and Karma is a B-tch! oh well. But on a good note I did have a amazing workout at the gym 45 mins of cardio 20 mins weights! People who have been in polygamy far longer than me, always talk about how you have to get used to a "new normal" ...but who wants to do that. I think nobody really. The messed up part about all of this is its really black in white. Either roll with the punches or get the eff out the ring. There is no gray area. And unfortunately some second wives out there get married to the husband with the hopes/idea that the 1st will do just that and bounce. I've been through a lot of stuff in my life and would generally consider myself a strong person, but this really ...is more difficult than ANYTHING i have ever been through in my entire life. I was reading that "monogamy to polygamy" book again and wanted to share some common side effects of polygamy for those out there that are in the pre-phase and bout to loose their good mind ..your not alone lol. This is what this book calls Phase 1. Depression , the initial reaction. There are 3 phases listed.( Phase 2 self-anger/doubt, Phase 3 Growth/Change) . I think perhaps a woman goes back and forth thru Phase 1-2 until she somehow magically reaches the Phase 3 , which is the land of unicorns and sugar plum fairies.

So anyways Phase 1 Depression: Emotional shock, numbness disbelief, crying, yelling, hitting, silence, feelings of betrayal, intense anger , fear, exhaustion, denial, excessive sleeping, mood swings, rage, loss of self-control, actions (lol hitting, throwing objects, uncontrollable tears) hurt/sadness, reality sets in, loss of appetite, anxiety, nervous and jumpy, contradicting feelings, lethargy, sluggish feeling, dazed remote and distant in actions and behavior. 
So I just wanted to list the phase 1 for anyone going through this also and feeling like wtf is up with me or feelin bipolar lol. Supposedly 75% of women admit to going  through these emotional changes during this time. I guess the other 25% have already been brainwashed into thinking they are getting their golden ticket so they suck it up with a smile from day one lol. Who knows I am only guessing lol. But anyways time for me to get some work done. Later guys and dolls.

Fitna Free friday !! Beautify yourself

Ok so for this week's fitna free friday I decided to be lazy , yes I know lol and post something that was sent to me awhile ago. Next week I will make a comeback with something original ..lol i promise.

So that you can stay attractive and beautiful for the rest of your life.
1- To beautify your eyes, lower your gaze towards strange men, this will ...make your eyes pure and shiny. 

2- To beautify your face and make it shiny, keep doing wudu minimum five times a day. 

3- To have attractive lips, always mention Allah and remember to speak the truth.

4- As for blush and rouge, "Modesty" (Haya) is one of the best brands and it can be found in any of the Islamic centers.

5- To remove impurities from your face and body, use a soap called "Astaghfaar".(seeking forgiveness of Allah) this soap will remove any bad deeds. 

6- Now about your hair, if any of you has a problem of hair split ends, then I suggest "Islamic Hijab" which will protect your hair from damage. 

7- As! for jewelry, beautify your hands with humbleness and let your hands be generous and give charity to the poor. 

8- To avoid heart disease, forgive people who hurt your feelings.

9- Your necklace should be a sign to pardon your fellow brothers and sisters. If you follow these advices given to you by the Creator, you will have a beautiful inner and outer appearance.

The muslim girlfriend

Hey whats really good world? Its crazy early in the wee hours of the morning around here. I guess it would be a good thing if I got some sleep, but fajr is almost in so i guess I will just stay up. So whats on my mind?? Well even though I am trying to be positive and move forward in the land of unicorns, sugar plum fairies and golden tickets this is still the hardest thing I have ever ..ever..ever had to do. Some days like today I just feel like saying eff' it! Like seriously even though Hassan complains about her, and is always irritated when he comes from over there, and even though he texts me all night when he is with her...It still sucks. Because bottom line is no matter how much she may or may not suck, no matter how bad her cooking may be or how tacky her wardrobe may "allegedly" be lol ..that girl Denise is still his wife. He is still married to her and still leaves me to go spend time (regardless of how boring) with her. 

I really dont feel like a wife anymore. Maybe this is my hormones talking because I am PMS'n who knows, but that's how i am feelin today. Like even though I have never been privy to the dunya lifestyle of "live in girlfriends" that's how I feel. Like I feel like my wifey status has been taken...like some thief in the night has ram-shacked my home and took my Trophy wife crown and everything that came with it lol. Seriously I feel like I am playing wife. I have a friend (really sweet non-muslim girl) whom I've known since high school and through college. In college she got engaged and moved in with her boyfriend,(well almost she spend some nights still at her dorm) her parents were pissed to say the least. They told her she was playing house and didn't approve. This is how I feel , like I am a live in girlfriend. And its starting to get old. I just dont see or feel stability in this situation. Even though Hassan loves me and has really being trying to make a comeback and treat me like the queen I am, I am feeling like whats the point dude. Like seriously, what's the point of me cooking cleaning , looking fly, doing laundry, being his personal assistant, masseuse, and private dancer if he is just going to continue to go to be with Denise every few days. This whole arrangement really seems quite pointless.I think I am going to try being celibate and me and Hassan can just be roommates for awhile.

Sorry if I am being all Debbie Downer or whatever but I am just keepin it real. Yes, I do have more freedom with this scenario love triangle confusion circle of polygamy. But me and Hassan never had the type of relationship where he would try to hold me back and control me or restrict me in anyway. I was always free to do whatever I wanted. If anything I have been the controlling one in the relationship. LOL. Days like this it is really hard to see the silver lining in the f'up storm. Like really how is this benefiting me in any kind of way? I mean I am all for sharing and caring, but to share the person you have waited your life for with someone who is crazy and spiteful is so not my cup of tea. I am so with anny w/att on devising a master plan to bounce. I really dont blame sistas at all who have to throw up a peace sign. It is truly super hard. And no I am not trying to discourage anyone out there, everyone is grown and can make their own choices, just saying I wouldn't choose this again if I had a do-over. Now is a good time to start planning my exit strategy. Who knows where this journey will  take me , but I really am not liking this AT ALL.

Grant it, when Hassan spends time with me its usually awesome, we dont argue we truly just enjoy each others company. But the time apart, no matter how many activities, you fill your day with there is still that void of no husband. Perhaps if I had a house filled with bebe kids I would be so preoccupied with them or so drained to even notice that the husband wasn't there. Or by the time I did notice or care, I'd be so tired and ready to fall asleep on any comfy place I could find, so it wouldn't matter. ..Ugggh I really cant stand selfish people. I think its time to start looking for a 2nd husband, Hassan might have to get replaced lol. Guess I will have to get my golden ticket some other way LOL.

Football is so romantic

 

LOL thought this pic was so funny

Aslaamu-alaikum world! Omg let me just say that I hate football ..seriously like how many games have to come on before its over? When is the super bowl again??? So the last few days were awesome and not so awesome. All i have to say is if I never watch another football game it will be too soon. So the last few days me and Hassan spent the weekend together working on business things, relaxing and you guessed it watching countless hours of football. So after about 10 mins into the Jets game on Sunday I was ready to stab my eyes out with a dull fork lol. There is only so much torture a girl can take. So I tell Hassan, let me get the keys so I can run to the store or just run far far away so I can escape this, and he says "what you dont like football, its romantic watch the game with me babe." WTF? Umm no dude sorry. I try to be a good wife and all but you have to cross the line somewhere. And the messed up part of the whole thing was we were out of town so I didnt even know where to go and had no gps so I had to stay with Hassan. Hmm the things we do for our men lol. But so anyways we get back home, yay home sweet home and Hassan gives me a nice massage and tells me he appreciates me being his partner in crime. I am like whatever dude you need to make more guy friends so you can have some sort of male bonding fest. But now that he has zero free time I guess that wont be happening any time soon. One good thing about having more "me time" is not being forced to watch sports or pretending like I care that his team just got blew out 28 to 0 lol. We spent the day together and then he went over Denise's tonight. Which was good because I could catch up on things I needed to do, like workout  and go to my quranic studies class. Also since I didnt feel like cooking I wanted to get some takeout. Hassan is all trying to be on a budget now so it was good to grab some grub without having to hear any back talk from him. He thinks I spend too much money .. oh well you knew how I was long ago get used to it buddy. So anyways I went to this really good Thai restaurant here that has the best pad thai in the world..well at least around these parks and it was so good. So tonight was a good night, no football, no drama, some good grub and Hassan texting me all night sayin he misses me. Hmm hope Denise doesnt check his phone. oh well not my problemo! Hope everyone else's week is off to a great start. Oh yea it is Martin Luther king day... I guess in the whole observance of today I should shout out what my dream is..that will be the next post my brain is a little to fried to write that right now. ok good night/day guys and dolls

Fitna Free Friday!!!

 

Whats really good world??? Hope all is well out there on Jummah Friday worldwide! Yea boi. So I decided to do a segment called "Fitna free fridays" where I will try to bring some sort of positivity to the world around me. Perhaps a hadith or whatever I feel like it. There are a lot of haters out there and no need to spread negativity around because thats just mean and dumb. So right now its almost 2 am around these parks. Just finished my awesome workout and am super energized ...guess I shouldn't have drunk that french vanilla coffee at 11:30 ..oops oh well.  So technically its friday,and I plan to make it an awesome day. So whats on the agenda? Sometime today perhaps after fajr plan to dye my hair with this Henna dye I picked up from the meat store. Go to the gym. Finish working on some work and school projects and call mi familia and see how they are doing. Since I have started blogging I have had an amazing amount of feedback and support from so  many people, many sisters in the pre-polygamy phase and others who are just curious. The pre-poly phase -days was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my entire life. Seriously there were times where if i weren't up on my deen I might have got tipsy or got introduced to the gateway drug  (weed) lol and blazed up lol. But lucky for me my family was there for me and provided a crutch on most days where I couldn't even think straight let alone function. So this brings me to today, fitna free friday. So because I am a giver and all (so they say) LOL i wanted to give/share some insight of what I learned through this process and what really helped me get from point A to point B.

1. Pray, pray, and then pray some more ...I know people might get tired of hearing this but it works. If your iman is strong you really can conquer anything.
2. Dhikr /zikr -calming and essential for not going crazy and wanting to shank someone. Some stress Zikrs are "La Howla wa La Quwata illa billa" it means there is no might nor any power expect through Allah.(I literally recited this hundreds of times a day!)
3. Read Quran daily if you can even for 5 mins. Once again very calming and takes away urges to key your husband's car or put sugar in his gas tank lol.
4. Workout! even if your toned already or borderline anorexic and dont NEED to ...working out releases endorphins in your body which are feel good hormones which help you get out of that mental slump and feel better.
5.  In the face of fitna and drama always remind others what is right. A lot of times it will just irritate the mess out of them and leave you alone. I like to call this "the killing people with kindness strategy". There was an occasion where Denise tried to text me some foolishness about my husband trying to be spiteful and mean and I replied to her with "I thought your iman was at a higher level to handle things as an adult.I will make dua Allah guides you, and gives you hikma and Iqram, inshallah one day you can be in a more positive place in the future, and be a part of a stronger ummah." Now at the time she said some really nasty evil things to me and I really wanted to curse her out in every language I knew and then make up some more curse words in ebonics, but I choose to take the high road and held back. It was really funny actually because she didn't know how to respond, she just responded with "ameen." lmao Also you really cant let haters get to you, it makes them feel special thinking they have some control, regardless of how little over your emotions. Never give in, never surrender lol !
6.  Also during this time it is very easy to slander or backbite your husband or his potential or already cowife lol .This sometimes is a natural reaction to the anger and pain you are feeling. I mean there were times where I would slander/backbite Denise like it was second nature. Crazy I know but just the mention of her name and it was like word vomit..once i started it was hard to stop, name calling, cursing, I was saying words I didnt know existed before lol. I am still working on this.Not saying this to be funny, just keepin it real. So if this happens try to seek Istikfar by sayin "Allahum magfirlee War Hamnee" which means O Allah forgive me and have mercy on me

Maintaining your calm during any stressful period is essential to your overall health and sanity. Keeping up your salat, and other acts of ibadaah go along way in this. Also because honesty is awesome and the best policy here is a nice Hadith on lying and the importance of that as women. This is not only being truthful with ourselves in matters but truthful to others, our husbands, family, cowives, ect. Keep it real thats all i have to say. A lot of fitna starts from people lying about others, being haters, and having jealously in their hearts. Don't hate appreciate lol :-)

Narrated by A’sha that a woman came to Allah's Apostle) and said: I have a co-wife. Is there any harm for me if I give her the false impression (of getting something from my husband which he has not in fact given me)? Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The one who creates such a (false impression) of receiving what one has not been given is like one who wears the garment of falsehood. 

Mourning every morning

 

Hey everyone hope all is well out there. This is a poem I wanted to share, I wrote it some time ago and was reading it again and realized how far I have come from this point.  Like Erykah Badu says "I'm an artist so im sensitive about my sh*t." LOL so be nice with the comments. 

Mourning Every Morning

Every morning I am mourning the death of our marriage

The life as I knew it...suddenly taken from me

Everything I once had.. gone that I cherished

And for what? So you could live some fantasy?

They say time heals all wounds…

So I’ve put out an APB on Time..so I can find me time soon

I’m bruised and bandaged heart’s tattered and torn

Every ounce of energy is trying to keep these tornado insides from showing

Guess I figured the pain is easier to manage if no one is knowing

Like somehow the thought of being exposed is worse than the reality

What would others think that somehow I failed you in this capacity?

That my love wasn’t enough; you needed more than I could give

What a weight on my shoulders …and this is the life you choose to live?

I dread the night…avoid it like the plague

Stay up till fajr just so I won’t have to sleep alone in our cold empty bed

The sound of your heartbeat used to be the only thing that lulled me to sleep

Now without it I am restless

Dreams so lost they become meek

Do you realize how difficult this test is?

Silence screams so loud it speaks volumes, a constant reminder you’re gone

Everywhere I turn the absence of your laughter greets me

Unable to share a joke or an embrace or a kiss spontaneously

My world is rattled…spirit shaken trying to cling to some normalcy

Everyday feelin a cacophony of emotions that stir in my dreams and wake me

up like Folgers in the morning

And through all this you tell me you love me

As if a four letter word can fix a heart broken this badly

Countdown to Lockdown

Hey world, just a friendly reminder that this blog will be going private tomorrow night. If you wish to continue to follow please post/comment with your email address here(I wont post the comments) or email me at his.1st.wife@gmail.com and i will add you to the list.Google blogger is setup this way. I have loved blogging thus far and plan to continue as it is really a great outlet for me in this crazy world. Later for now hope everyone enjoys their day!

Where are you from?

 

Aslaamu-alaikum world! LOL omg funny story. So I just came from Marshalls (clothing store here in the states) trying to get some new cute clothes for back to work. I love Marashalls they always seem to have really cute stuff, but you have to really dig for it. So anyways, I get some things a few pair of work pants and sweaters and go to the cashier to  be rung up. So she is ringing me up and the first thing she says is "Where are you from." Not "hi how are you , thanks for shopping here ..blah.blah ..but "where are you from." I say from here. So she says , "No where are you originally from." So I then say, "oh originally from Michigan." She then says slowly and loudly like somehow because I wear hijab and speak fluent English I am unable to understand what she is trying to ask me. "N-o ..where...are...you..originally...from..your nationality.."  So I think to myself before I respond, this girl is not the brightest tool in the shed, obviously Michigan is part of the 50 states of the freakin United States of America, duh making me American. So then I say, "I am African American, my parents are from here, I am American Muslim." So she looks dazed and confused and says "Oh ok so your from Trinidad" .What the eff? Seriously some people are just dumb beyond measure. How do you get Trinidad from what I said. She then goes on to tell me how her mom's friend is "mooz-lum" and doesn't wear hijab, said she shaved her head so she feels she doesn't have to. My only reply was "hmm thats interesting" Reading is fundamental ..man thats all i have to say lol.
(*Not really from Michigan, used Mi as example to maintain my anonymity*)

What's with people assuming that because you wear hijab you are foreign? Nothing against my international and foreign sisters out there, but hello every Muslim in America isn't fresh off the boat. Some of us actually are born Muslim and have parents who have been Muslim 30+ years. It just gets kinda irritating and annoying after awhile the same questions. But the crazy thing is many sisters( muslimas) ask me the same questions when i go out to new masjids. Like because they are from Lebanon I need to be from some exotic place too. Nope sorry , wish I had some native tongue other than good old fancy English or some back home exotic land to claim but I dont lol. I guess if you count the blizzards in the midwest that kinda makes it special and exotic lol. Or not.Its like people try to force you to be from somewhere else. Next time someone asks me I am going to say some off the wall country that I clearly look like I am not from and say it proudly with a smile. Hmm think I will go with Japan lol. I have always wanted to visit there or Australia. lmao. Anyways later for now gotta handle this dinner before it gets too late.

How does it feel to be #1

Asalaamu-alaikum world. So over these last few months I have really been able to share, talk , and network with many other women across the world who are in polygamy or dealing with the soon possibility. I woke up today feeling very happy about life and my marriage. And really realized how much my thoughts and feelings have changed from the beginning. The pre-polygamy phase is very, very, stressful. Seriously the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.Was seriously about to lose it many times lol. What makes this stage so stressful for most awesome muslimas is that there is so much that is unknown. Naturally you have so many questions about how things could change in your own marriage with time, money, affection, secrets ect it can literally drive you bananas. But what first wives have to keep in mind is there are many benefits of being the "first wife." And I am not saying first wives are better than seconds or anything, I just wanted to give a post for the first wives out there who are struggling in the pre or post-poly phase some reinforcements lol.

• As a first wife you have already built a foundation with your husband. Nobody can take that away.
• During this foundation time, you have learned what he likes & dont like, food, house maintenance ,movies, sports, sex, ect. whomever else is added to the team will have to find all this out every other day or every 2-3 days much longer process and can become frustrating to the man, since wifey #1 has things already figured out.
• You have already established your standard of living. So the husband must at least keep you at this standard. 
• You have already established a circle of trust with each other. He still has to build trust with #2. 
• You are awesome and special, this isn't a competition with anyone but yourself , and the goal is Jannah 
• Whatever was previously setup in the contract he will have to still adhere to. 

During the pre phase there are lots of crazy emotions you go thru and even after. We are tested with things that reasons we dont even know. People kept telling me , just do more zikr, or read Quran more or more duas. And when you are in the throws of it all you are all like "bump that, i dont see how it will help." ..Well my friends i can honestly say it has helped me so much doing all the ibadaah i did and continue to do. And try your hardest to focus on your happiness and your marriage. Not your husbands potential or co-wife. Your co-wife could look like Haley Berry in a hijab and be a hafiz but you still have to value yourself and know whatever she may bring to the table cannot replace what you have already established, and what you offer. Confidence is key, and is such a beautiful thing when you truly feel secure within yourself and your relationship. Before I left Hassan for that month I had so many mixed feelings, should i leave him for good ? Should I work it out? Should i key his car? lol. But I choose to come back and make an effort to see if it could work. Allahu-alem, who knows if it will work in the end. Its working right now, we are happy now and doing better daily. Like I said before in many other posts, I am not the type of person to give things up without trying first. So we shall see how things go. But my heart truly goes out to all my readers and fellow bloggers who are still  dealing with the pain of it all. It is very hard, and the best thing you can do is have a good support system and increase your ibadaah. Retail therapy helps too. That reminds me off to the mall check out some after christmas sales. Later guys and dolls.

Awesomeness at every turn

 

Asalaamu-alaimum world whats really good? Omg yesterday was such a good day, al-humdillah things are coming together quite nicely.  So yesterday started out with me getting a call from one of the companies I interviewed with when I came back. They basically said they loved me and that I was the best person who ever interviewed for the job and want me to start asap.(in so many words you gotta read between the lines) LOL.  YAY happy dance. I already had another job lined up but this one pays more and is also in my field , and is the job I REALLY wanted. So I am very excited about that. I called Hassan to tell him the good news and he was very excited. So excited he put some more money in my account so I can buy new work clothes. Yay, love going shopping on his dime! 

So like I said in the previous post I was going to make fish or chicken for dinner. I ended up making baked catfish, with wild rice, and steamed broccoli. So yummy. Hassan comes home from work and surprises me with Pink tulips (so pretty) and crab legs to celebrate my new gig. We both love crab legs. The flowers are beautiful and he was being really sweet, but I dont know what he is really celebrating, because no matter how much money I make I am not paying any bills around here. Perhaps if he didnt have Denise I might think to contribute. lol But, I refuse to start paying bills when that was never part of this deal, just to help him manage both households equally. Thats not my problem. Hassan never has asked me for money for the bills, so I hope he isnt getting overly excited thinking I am going to start volunteering my funds..nope lol. Sorry I know some people might think thats selfish or whatever but I dont care lol. I think Hassan is just happy that I am going to be working outside again and get more social interaction. I do miss a 9 to 5.

And then the icing on the cake after a awesome day was finally Grey's Anatomy came back with a new episode after the crazy long Christmas break of re-runs. And Christina has returned to Seattle grace. For those that follow the show you know thats a big deal. For those that dont, shame on you lol that show is the best show ever! But anyways yesterday was a really good day and just wanted to share. Today has been pretty awesome to so far. Just got back from the Gym. About to do some crunches and then eat some leftovers. Later guys and dolls. Hopefully everyone out there had a good Jummah friday!!!

Beef its whats for dinner..

 

Aslaamu-alaikum world. Whats really good. So I decided to post the recipe for the steak I made last night. OMG so good . Hassan ate his plate so fast like he was one of those kids off of "feed the children network" lol and then went back for seconds. He says, "babe that was on point ,you still the best cook i know." And the best wife of the year award goes to....drum roll please.......ME lol  So this isn't the actual picture but this is as close to as what we had since I was hungry from having an anorexic day and didn't think to take a picture before. And Hassans plate was gone is 60 seconds lol. My mom made some really good, best steak I ever had ever when I was visiting last month so I wanted to try to make it for Hassan. This was actually the first time I made steak like this. One reason is the halal meat stores here act like they dont know what I am talking about when I ask for steak. It could be a language barrier i dont know, but I know they have a whole cow back there somewhere so they need to start selling it more. I made steak, garlic-cheddar mashed potatoes, green beans, and rolls. 

Steak Recipe :

• First start with some good size steaks (we had 3) T-bone or round will do
• Season with garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, parsley. Let marinate if you want for at least 30 mins.
• Then coat meat in flour and sear in skillet with a little canola oil. Cooking on both sides for about 5 mins depending on thicknesss of steaks.
• Remove steak and place in oven for 1 hour and 20 mins (depending on thickness) bake at 350
• meanwhile when steak is baking saute onion, mushrooms, and garlic and then add to the steak after it has baked for about 40mins.
• Steak will be awesome and tender. No medium rare or rare steaks around these parks

The Garlic Cheddar mashed potatoes (better then Red Lobster im my opionon)

• Start with a pot of chicken broth to boil potatoes in
• Add about 5-6 large potatoes or more depending on how greedy your family is.
• Let boil until good and soft about 20 mins. Then drain juices and set potatoes aside
• in large pot melt 1/2 stick of unsalted butter, then add 4-5 garlic cloves chopped and pressed
• Add 1/3 cup of milk, 1/2 cup of sour cream and 1 cup of sharp cheddar cheese mix well
• add potatoes back in pot and mash until all of the garlic cheese sauce is mixed evenly. Then add more cheese and salt & pepper to taste.
• Viola! im not going to give the green bean recipe because if you dont know how to make green beans then thats sad. Lol.

Enjoy guys and dolls and have a good day! I know I will. Hassan took leftovers for lunch so now I have to cook again tonight. snap. That guy sure does have an appetite. Think I will do chicken or fish tonight, switch up from the red meat.

Private..Say What?

 

Hey world whats good. So after pondering long and hard, I decided that I will make this blog private open to readers only. I will make it private Wed January 11th 2011. So you have two options follow me, or get left behind in the dust lol. How blogger is setup I have to invite the readers by email address to the blog so that they will be able to follow. So if you would like me to invite you , email me at his.1st.wife@gmail.com. I just feel at this time privacy is needed. Even though its anonymous blog, I do get some crazy comments here that I dont even publish because they are nothing but foolishness and haters. So to avoid any unnecessary drama for now, this is what I plan to do.  For annon/w att sister, I really hope you can join me when I go private and create a new email just to follow me. I love your comments and wisdom LOL. Everyone else I look forward to seeing you there.

I need to punch someone

 (WARNING THIS POST MAY OR MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR GOOD GIRLS )

Aslaamu-alaikum world. Hmm this sucks . Like ok, the whole sharing is caring ..that crap is for the birds. Yes I know I have said this before and I will likely say it again. Ok everything was going swell today(Denise's day), just peachy..still high off life feeling awesome.  Until Hassan decided to come by to get somethings from the house. So he comes in and I'm looking like my normal fly self. So he is looking sexy as usual his swagger is on point. So I'm thinking to myself. Now is a good time for a quickie. Yes, i know he had to go over to Denise's, and he was already running late,but oh well I have needs. So he says NO he needs to go and would have to take a shower and then he would be like all extra late, and doesn't feel like hearing her mouth. So what! who cares dag nabit! I have needs. Sorry to be graphic on this post, I'll censor more in the in up coming posts I promise lol. But i am just so frustrated right now. So I tell Hassan I am getting a second husband and he can kick rocks. Needless to say he was less than pleased lol and says "babe why are you trippen, i'll be back tomorrow." What? Trippen you haven't seen trippen just you wait lol.

Uggh ok , so I am not all for any type of violence nor am I an advocate of domestic abuse in anyway....But LOL I so wanna punch Hassan and Denise right now. Uggh seriously, nights like this your realize how sharing sucks. Perhaps if i was older or had a bunch of bebe kids running around, I might not have the energy I do or the drive. But things are different and Hassan knew how I was long ago. Men can be so stupid sometimes. If woke up a man I would just slit my wrist lol end it all. (I am so joking) Ok maybe some of the seasoned older sisters out there can help a girl out. What do you do on nights like this???? This is the first night since I have been back that I have really felt mad about this whole trifecta love triangle of polygamy. I know ,granted I would be pissed if it was my "night" and I found out he went over her house to get something and got busy while he was there and tried to come home all innocently. BUT, I really feel like since this whole scenario wasn't a choice that I would have willingly made, so he should be more accommodating to me. Also I am still shocked and confused Hassan has turned me down. "No" is not a word I am used to hearing from him so its still quite foreign to my ears lol. I really was shocked and appalled that he would even say no to me. Like who does he think he is? So he is all like "babe you know I really want to be here with you, but I cant." blah blah blah. Whatever dude. Even though I like my "me time" and not having to be forced to watch Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday and Thursday  night football lol.. I do miss the spontaneity of our relationship. If I have needs I want them serviced. So I told Hassan he better not go over there and try to get some action. He says "ok babe i wont, i'm tired and gonna go to bed." Whatever dude! I really would only recommend polygamy to older couples, young hotties like myself hmm wowzers...lets just say there are so many struggles and changes that you would have never EVER expected. Maybe is a good time to channel some positive vibes and try to maintain some inner peace before I snap lol. Uggh ok venting is officially over returning to my happy place.

New Year New Look

Aslaamu alaikum world! Hope all is well out there. So as you can see I have decided to change the layout. New year new look. I figured that because I am also planning on doing so many changes with my life this year, I might as well give the blog a makeover since I am doing a internal makeover as well. Last year was a drama fest which really took a toll on me spiritually and physically. Drama causes way to much stress and stress can wreak havoc on the fabulosity in your life. So the one month away trip to see my family was so needed and a blessing in disguise in so many ways. Part of my soul makeover for this year is to study more Quran, not that I was a complete slacker last year but you can always read more. Also I am going to try my hardest this year not to backbite others and remain positive. I think lol this will likely be the hardest struggle. I am not a mean person I promise but some people just have a way of getting under you skin. Maybe I'll take up a boxing class or something to channel some of that negative energy and anger lol. Dikr/ Zikr everyday also is so important in the maintaining a calm mood. At least for me, so many times when certain people were on my last nerve, doing zikr really was one of the only things that allowed me to not spaz out and get in touch with my inner Ghetto-girl. LOL Since I am planning on doing a spiritual makeover, I also plan on limiting TV watching as well. Of course I really cant cut out all TV gotta love criminal minds and Grey's Anatomy but no more Real Housewives, or Kardashians ...at least for now lol. I decided to also do a sugar cleanse. I love sugar and am self proclaimed chocolate lover and sweet tooth junkie. So this will likely be hard, but too much sugar in your body can really jack you up and leave you looking like a fatty girl, and nobody wants that. Also plan to start back volunteering. Volunteering is so rewarding and often reminds us of our own situation and how we are blessed with what we have. I really would love to learn a new language this year.  The Rossetta stone is awesome software,..but its crazy expensive I dont know what they are thinking but nobody around these parks is paying $400 just to say can you pass the bread in french! But anyways another thing related to this soul makeover is Iqram. I have realized that certain people in this love triangle aka Denise have little to no Iqraam when it comes to others. Snap is that backbiting by saying this? So many rules, lol so little time. But this post just reminded me of this whole schedule thing and how it is still needs to be changed. And the funny thing about people and Iqram level is the whole premise of polygamy is "want for your sister what you want for yourself." and all that love and happiness golden ticket business. So naturally you would think it would make since for 2nd people who come on the team to actually have a high level of Iqram for their muslim sister.? Right ...umm no, maybe in a perfect world but not in this confusion circle.  Hmmm anyways just saying. ok Later guys and dolls . Enjoy your day!

Come out come out wherever you are...

Asalaamu-alaikum world. I hope everyone is well out there. This post was somewhat inspired by UmmUmmarNy's post about protection. Well more like 95% inspired by her post lol.  Now according to my statistics i have 10,828 page views of all time. Which is a lot of awesome and maybe not so awesome people checking out my inner most thoughts. Readers from the U.S, Singapore, UK, Canada, Saudi Arabia, Australia , Germany, Pakistan, Malaysia , Indonesia, Egypt, Denmark, and even Poland. So literally people all over the globe are trying to see what's good in my world , which is pretty amazing and pretty freaky lol. Currently there are 35 awesome followers, so where are the other people lurking from who are viewing but not commenting? Just curious, make yourself known!This is an open house , this blog is open to anonymous posters for now, so what makes you curious about me? Just curious about who the other lurkers out there are, and why do you lurk? Does the issues I deal with not relate to your world/ environment so you may feel you dont have any input? or you are just curious how everything is going to pan out? I am saying this because after reading UmmUmarNy's post I really am thinking of making my blog private and open to readers only. I originally started this blog as an outlet and it has been an amazing source of comfort and peace over these last few months. But , now that all my business is out there for the world to see, I'm really considering concealing some of it. Who knows that's how I feel right now. Hassan and I are in a very good place, and I rather keep posting about my life being positive and maintaining tranquility with those readers who can relate and enjoy the blog than just lurkers who perhaps just like being nosy. (for lack of a better word) Let your girl know whats good.I'm off to run errands will holla back later.

I love me some him

Aslaamu-alaikum world, wow this year is off to a fantastic start. Let me just say that right now, omg I love Hassan so much. This dude seriously has me feined out LOL. I can really understand why other sisters (Densie) were trying to be on the team. My sister told me the other day that I need to quit being so "open." LOL . But contrary to popular belief there is nothing wrong with sweating a guy as long as he is sweating you back. Since I have been back Hassan has been my #1 fan. Giving me money any time I ask him, going shopping, dinner, movies,gifts, massages, complimenting me like crazy. Like over the course of the month I was gone, somehow , somewhere along the lines he morphed into this better version of himself. And this better version better stay for good. I dont wanna have to deal with no back sliding lol. So earlier today after salat we had taleem. Afterward he started starring at me and smiled. So i'm like "whats up babe, whats the smile for". He says . "I forgot how beautiful you are." Awe, isnt he a sweetie! Maybe he just wanted to get some, or maybe he is turning over a new leaf. Who knows, but I am really feeling his swagger these days. So in other unrelated awesome random news he tells me, "he loves how i know everything he likes." Hassan loves this apple Lazie drinks from the meat store. They are really good , kinda a halal apple martini type drink lol . So I keep them on hand. Guess Denise will have to learn his likes her own way. Oh well.
So in other news, lol my mother in law and I have made up. I was not really feeling her for awhile because she was all for Hassan getting a 2nd wife, and I really felt she should've been more on my side with the whole scenario. So anyways we kinda fell off. So I saw her this week me Hassan and her all went to dinner at this awesome Mediterranean place with really good kafta kabobs. So I bring her a gift when I saw her. So she calls me yesterday, which is the first real conversation since Hassan married Denise. We talked like for about an hour and we seem to be in a better place. So by the end of the call she is basically saying I am her favorite daughter in law. You have to read between the lines, but thats what she said in so many words lol. So come to find out, every time Hassan and Denise have problems, Denise calls his moms and complains to her. His mom isnt really feeling this at all. Ooopsy daisy, seems like Denise cant catch a break. Oh well. People have to learn , a man is not going to like a woman who keeps annoying his mother, esp if him and his mom are close.

Also on a sidenote, Question : Every time Hassan aka mr.sexy face comes home from Denise's house he has on new clothes. Like new everything, shirt,pants,shoes, socks, underwear. So these things she has bought for him, I sure didnt buy him nothing, I really feel a man should be the one goin shopping for the wife, instead of the other way around.When me and Hassan first got married we went on a nice shopping spree and he hooked up my wardrobe. Yes, I have bought him gifts along the way, but I just feel like a man should be spoiling his wife. Not the other way around.To me it seems a little desperate, am i wrong? At first I was feelin irritated like why are you trying to wear all this new gear at my house and show off lol. But now, I kinda think its funny that she bought him all this stuff, and he's wearing it trying look fly for me lol. hmm?? As my umi says "dont sweat the small stuff." lol ok later guys and dolls have a good day!

Its a New YEAR..Yea Boy!

Aslaamu alaikum World! Ok hope everyone had a safe and happy new year. I know some people are all like "Muslims aren't supposed to celebrate New Years." Well this is what I say to that, not only do I celebrate new years but it's my favorite holiday of all time. LOL Just kidding. I dont celebrate new years, but I celebrate the fact that Allah has blessed me to see another year. I look at New Years as a time for reflection and to be thankful for what You already have in life. Also its a time to re-evaluate things, and people and really see how you want to plan your future and new year. 2010 woa Nelly, lots of drama, so much happened in 2010 I am not sad at all so see it go. I was actually counting down like yes, t-minus I can have a fresh new start. Since I have been back home, its been quite the love nest and Hassan and I have really rekindled the awesome fire and sparks are flying like Boy scouts are in the woods trying to get their fire-survival badge lol. So we have really committed to giving our marriage a fresh start, and staying positive with life. Surprisingly everyday we spend together seems to get better and better. I'm like snap where was this Hassan months ago when I was losing it? LOL. Its good he is finally seeing the light with this whole thing. Hopefully this dude wont get tunnel vision or lose his mind again in 2011, only so much a girl can take. But I have some awesome plans for this year. First and foremost I plan on trying to focus on my deen and keep putting Allah first. One goal this year is to memorize 1/3 of the Quran. I know some of you are like woa ..some surahs are crazy long good luck. lol But yea I feel I can do it. Inshallah we will see how it goes. Also I really plan to just focus on bettering me all around. This whole grad school thing, needs to be handled, and aced, thats on the agenda. Paying off debts, and starting a traveling fund. It would be nice if me and Hassan could make Hajj this year or Umrah. We shall see. but I have big plans in 2011. Cant nobody stop my shine. Get it! Another thing which i think is awesome , my blog demographics ..I have some amazing readers from all over the globe. I am really thankful for all the support people have given me thus far and the friendships I have made. I pray that Allah blesses all the wonderful readers with an awesome-super-fabulous-extra-amazing year. And to all those haters out there, keep hating lets me know I'm doing something right lol. Also to the haters, get a hobby or something jealously isnt a good look!