Keep it real

Asalaaamu-Alaikum world whats really good. Been having a good week at work and despite the snow have been having a good few days with Hassan. Lots of movie nights since too cold to go out and do much. Lots of things are on the horizon for this weekend, spring cleaning, lots of laundry, and grocery shopping. Also work on some projects for school. Fun fun fun. Been working out all week and have lost 5lbs yay! Doing a combination of Jillian michaels 30 day shred and hitting up the gym for some intense cardio. So anyways its so interesting how people paint a picture of themselves one way and then get in to something and are totally a different way. Let's just say Hassan is feeling bamboozled right about now. A lot of the things him and Denise agreed upon before hand, and things she said she was down with she is re-niggin on. Which I told him would happen. But sometimes people have to learn things the hard way and burn their hands before they know the fire is hot. Oh well I tried to help him out so he wouldnt be under a mountain of stress. Somehow mysteriously she has lost her job. They originally agreed that he would pay what little bit he could afford and she said she was fine with that. And when he could do more he would do more, maybe next year or so. So what a surprise now all of a sudden I have a job and Denise does not. But dont get it twisted nothing is changing over this way. Regardless of their financial situation , my money is mine. I know that may sound selfish but oh well. I still love Hassan and dont want him strugglin but he knows and admitting that marrying her was a mistake for many reasons. I think what it truly was is after Denise caught feelings, fell in love or whatever she started resenting the fact that she had to work and pay most of her bills and I did not. So "somehow" she ends up unemployed and expects Hassan to cover everything knowing good and well that wasn't the agreement. Needless to say Hassan is less than pleased. But I guess the good thing about all this is he has been so appreciative of me even more so. Often people dont realize how good they had it till they get something that is so different and way worse than what they had. Then suddenly they are doing everything in their power not to loose the jewel that was already before them. I dont know how all this is going to play out. But to feel bamboozle and misled very early on is not a good sign for success.

Anyways today has been truly a beautiful day, have gotten a lot accomplished :-) So the phrase for today is keep it real lol. Also I think some second wives come into the mix thinking they are replacing someone and thinking they are going to regulate things, and that they are the missing piece of what the husband has been searching for his whole life. (not all but this was the vibe I got from Denise) So when sh-t hits the fan and they realize "oh snap i'm not the wind beneath his wings" its a rude awakening. But that life. :-) hope everyone enjoys their weekend I know I will. And I forgot about fitna free Friday this week was crazy busy inshallah i will get back on board next week.

Note to the husbands...pt.1

A little note to the husbands on some good ways to go about trying to be in polygamy. These suggestions only apply if your wife is awesome like me, if not then go for what you know. After talking with several sisters about the topic and just knowing of other polygamy situations growing up I can really see many brothers are lacking in the common sense/sensitivity department when it comes to polygamy. Nothing to feel bad about you cant win them all, but when you realize what areas you suck in this is the time to make a come back. So with that being said here are some general tips for polygamy, these may or may not work Allah knows best.(Disclaimer if you still get cursed out by your wife, that's on you.)

1. Make sure you are taking care of your first wife FIRST! make sure she has all her rights being fulfilled. If you have NO JOB, and she is on govt assistance with 18 kids and counting, now is not a good time to get a 2nd wife. 
2. Be honest. I cannot stress this enough. If your master plan is to have 4 wives tell your wife this before she marries you. If she is still feeling your swagger then hey maybe your plan will work. If not at least you will have no regrets. 
3. Continue to be honest. Do not marry someone else and hide it for 3 years then be surprised when your wife finds out and she is not happy. Hmmm what did you expect to happen? Did you actually think she would high five you and buy you a wedding present? Umm no lets be for real. 
4. Give your wife time to adjust to the idea. Dont find someone secretly and then tell your wife ..."Honey by the way i'm getting married tomorrow after Jummah." LOL not a good idea. Did you see Fatal attraction? need I say more?
5. Pamper your wife during this transition process. This will likely be the hardest thing she has EVER had to do. Yes she will cry, spaz out, possibly throw things and or key your car. However, lol this is a big life changing decision so be patient. If you are truly a good husband, she may be willing to hang in there and work with you on this. Just keep in mind what you are REALLY  asking her to do ; share your time, love, money, affection, knowledge. Show her you really appreciate her even considering this. A little appreciation can go a long way. Don't assume because she has been Muslim for x amount of time that she will just jump on board with a smile. Give her a reason to still smile.
6.  Do not blame your current awesome wife for your own issues. (so glad my hubbie doesn't do this) This goes back to being honest. If you just want to have a little spice in your life or live out some life long dream of having multiple wives man up and say this. Do not tell your wife its becuz she isnt doing x,y,z. This will only make matters worse. If you always wanted to be with an Asian woman, or whatever the case/fantasy is say that. Women can respect honesty..but the lies get no love. I had a friend tell me her husband told her the reason he got a 2nd wife whom he married secretly was because she had an attitude problem. Hmm really. Ok so she may or may not have an attitude i am not in the marriage. But, i am very certain even if she acted like 1952 stepford wife he would've still wanted a 2nd wife.That is an internal desire of his. But just man up and say that, don't lie to her making her feel more inadequate than she probably already feels.
7. Choose your concubine wisely. Marriage as we all know is half ones' deen. So don't just jump for joy that you have found someone willing to be your 2nd wife and totally disregard all logic and common sense. Find out about her make sure she isn't psycho. Make sure she doesn't have every STD known to man. Preferably make sure she is Muslim and practicing. Also try to find someone that you feel eventually may be a friend to your awesome wife you already have. Its not necessary that they are friends, however it helps. And having a concubine that is spiteful and mean will ruin any chance of that. 

Ok this is all I can think of for now... Till next time