Facebook Polygamy ...

Salaams world. So I hope everyone is doing well in lala land. I wanted to discuss an issue that is been very interesting lately. Guys on Facebook trying to recruit me as their 2nd wife. Ususally then men are from overseas or from Philly. So below i will past a convo from a FB guy

Brother Ali (not real name) : Ok, you married? probably so

Me: no not married. are u?

Brother Ali: Yes I am married why are you interested?

Me: No, sorry I dont talk to married brothers.

Brother Ali: Why is that? maybe i will be the exception, can i ask you a question? Do you have any kids?

Me: Inshallah you will have a good search with finding a wife to add to your team, I dont have any kids and do not chat with married brothers on any level.salaams.

Brother: Wait , I could be the one.

Me: Delete, BLOCK

2nd senario

Brother: Asalaamualaikum my dear sister how are you?

me: Walaykum salaam, I am doing well thank you for asking.

Brother: Are you married , Mashallah you are beautiful

me : No I am not are you?

Brother: Yes, but I am looking for a second wife

me: Sorry I have no interest in polygamy but i hope Allah helps you in your journey and whomever is added can be a benefit to your family. salaams.

Brother: Ok sister but I do hope that u made ur decision on islamic grounds. Because those women that reject a right of man from Allah will surely be punish on the day of reckoning.

Me: (thinking WTF is up with ol boy) That's your right I'm not rejecting it., You can be in polygamy if u want I'll be happy for you. I just don't want to practice this lifestyle , there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing other options. There is no coerisn in Islam .

Brother: Ok I'm sorry.

LOL wowzers seems like since i've been divorced ive been a polygamy magnet. I dont know why this is. I'm not trying to be added to anyone's team no time soon. I'll pass.

Ignored!

Asalaamu-alaikum world. Hope everyone is ok out there. So I get this email from Hassan. "Asalaamu alaikum Babe, I need you to stop shutting me out. I messed up and we need to work on things. I needed time to think things clearly. I owe you love. I'm sorry. Stop tryin to be mean babe and call me..."

Wowzers just when you think folks may have got themselves some rehab for their crack cocaine addiction you get something like this and realize clearly he isnt in touch with reality. I think perhaps I need to learn a new language and then tell him in this new language that I never want to talk to him or be with him again. I think this is the only way he will get it. That was only part of the email he sent.I've changed my number, blocked him on facebook, unfriended all of his family members on facebook, and the guy wont quit. The man is relentless LOL. Ignoring is so fun. Im glad I have accepted things for how they are. Its unfortunate that it happened this way but Allah gives us test and we must walk away learning valuable lessons. Moral of the story? When you dont want an ex-husband professional polygamist stalker.... change your name and move to Zimbabwe. LOL 

What Divorce feels like?

Aslaamu-alaikum world,
Well well well it has been a long time! I have been away for quite some time from the world of blogging .. and try to stay away from the topic of polygamy in general. But today I came back for a reason. Some of you (my followers) have been on this journey from day one and some are newbies to my blog. I appreciate all of the support nonetheless; but i felt it was time to not only give an update but share this overwhelming cacophony of emotions that i have brewing inside.

So much has happened since my last post last year. As the topic states Hassan and I have divorced.It was and still is a very painful experience. Although so much drama , fitnah, fighting , lies and BS malarkey let us to part ways I can honestly say I still miss him. I thought (wishful thinking) I would be over him by now but that doesn't appear to be happening as easily as I once imagined. Some days I wake up an it feels as if there is an elephant sitting on my chest, the pain is so heavy like it was yesterday. If i close my eyes long enough I can still hear him say "i love you babe". To love and hate a person at the same time is rather annoying.

To sum up the feeling of divorce in two words.. It sucks! There i said, for those who didnt know. I read a quote recently that said " Sometimes we have to learn to break our own hearts so we may release ourselves  from old ideas to be replaced by better ones." I am not sure i believe this but it sounds good I guess. My heart is broken, this much I know is true. I often replay my marriage in my mind as if it were my favorite show on my DVR and try to come to the conclusion "everything happens for a reason" .And that reason is? Well I guess that's the million dollar question. I accept my faults, my errors in judgement, weakness in character , and role in the failing of my relationship. I also accept each day trying to do better than the last and to move forward.

So , I guess you are wondering whatever happen to Hassan and Denise. Are they still married? Million dollar question #2. Well Hassan and Denise now have a child. And they are according to him Happily divorced! Didnt see that one coming.. well I did. Recently since he has been divorced from her he's been emailing me constantly ( i blocked his # & then changed my number) . He wants to get back together now. He says he "seeing things for what they are and how he loves me so much and she lied her way into a marriage to him" Getting back with him would be like jumping into a pool of sharks and expecting not to get bit.That would be the stupidest thing I could ever do. Signing up for a life with fitnah factory now baby momma Denise? I'll pass. But that is the synopsis.

Moral of the story.. Don't get married.LOL

Long time no post

Asaaalmu-alaikum World! Whats up? Long time no post. It has been a while I know. I have been staying out of the "polygamy" circles on purpose i guess. There has been a lot going on in my world. I have some awesome news to share. No i didn't save a bunch by switching to Geico if thats what you are thinking.  A few weeks ago Hassan gave my my Talaq and so now we are officially divorced. Its a little sad, im not going to front. When you put your heart and so much energy into something and it doesnt work the way you plan. However, I feel so relieved and such a weight off my shoulders. I am not over exaggerating when I say this has been by far the hardest situation I have ever gone through in my entire life. I do not wish this on my worse enemy. Even Denise. And although polygamy is permissible and believe me when I say I tried to make it work. It was not the only reason for me wanting to divorce Hassan. When you have no trust or respect for your husband...hmm what do you really have? There was nothing left there. I realized he and I are very very different and I pray he can get the intense psychological counseling that he desperately needs lol. If there were a legal day for homicide...lol lets just say too much stress isnt good. I'm glad i've moved on from thinking bad thoughts about him and Denise. I feel quite sorry for them..well not really. People get what they get.

Hassan has plans to "always" be in polygamy and I see no point of living in a marriage with a revolving door of women. Call me crazy for caring about my body and mental status but that is just too much. Denise can have that since she "loves polygamy" Anyways so yes I am now free and I am loving it. I have had a lot of quiet time to reflect and decide my next moves. Inshallah I will be continuing with my business expanding it further, as well as finishing up Grad school. Its funny how now that we are finished brothers are now trying to holla. I'm like ok hottie give me a couple of months ...lol Just kidding I have no plans to coexist with the male species any time soon. I am so looking forward to Ramadan and bettering myself. That is my biggest regret from this., is that I allowed myself my deen to be impacted by others. Inshallah that wont happen again. But thats a quick recap. Maybe I will go into more details in the next post. Hope all is well out there in the world.

Let's have a toast for the a$$holes!

Whats really good world? Wow ...countdown has begun. I really can honestly say that this situation has defiantly ruined my marriage and all thoughts of living positively co-existing with Denise. or any other female that is not my family. I wish guys had half a brain when they decide they want to go out and add people to the team. Do they really think that everything will be smooth sailing ? It boggles my mind the naive mindset some men have. Its like they think just because something is their "right" makes it ok to do. Some places in this country its your right to buy a gun, get and abortion, same sex marriage.   But does that mean people should jump on the band wagon and do it? Heck no!

Recently another sweet friend of mine's husband (lets call him Mujahid) has gotten a 2nd wife. And it really just makes me want to vomit and then pistol whip him. lol (not that violent for real) But all jokes aside it's like these brothers (some) are so freaking selfish it kills me. And people have the nerve to use the excuse that they are safeguarding themselves from sin because they have needs . WTF?? Seriously if a man is that pressed out to get some action he gotta marry another woman to handle his needs then he NEEDS to be fasting more and helping control his horny urges. He NEEDS to be working on his deen thats what he needs to do. Women have needs to and we need our husbands to be at home not trying to add people to the team. I'm sorry im on a little tangent but this whole trifecta situation infuriates me. Especially when I know the wife personally and know she isn't a slacker wife. His wife is so sweet, and beautiful and awesome. He really lucked up to even get a sister like her in the first place. Ungratefulness is so ugly.

Not only that for the 2nd wives out there who are married under this pretense of "needs" and avoiding sin isn't that kinda an F'up up way to look at your role. I mean no offense to anyone out there. But i would feel personally offended if my husband told me the main reason he wanted to marry me was so he wouldn't commit sin. Like is that all they see in their 2nd wife? a Jumpoff? someone to handle their needs? If so then that is really messed up for some guys to look at second marriages this way. And people wonder why polygamy doesn't work. I talked to this brother after he married this girl and he told me he married his 1st wife for a life partner and family ect. But the primary reason for 2nd was for basically sex more often. I was like ok WTF is wrong with you. Do o'l girl know this? If so what was she thinking? Was she also smoking crack when she said yes. Did ..yall have a crack cocaine party to celebrate the good times? I mean really the stuff that comes out of folks mouth is ..woa all I have to say.

I know I say some wild stuff , but it is what it is. I am not some perfect muslima by any stretch of my imagination..lol no reason to front on a blog or anywhere else. I keep it real , it is what it is. But back to my scenario I really wish I could do a nationwide..no worldwide PSA (public service announcement) lol and tell folks to steer clear of polygamy. Like how they have the say no to drugs campaign they need to have a say no to polygamy lol. Ok maybe I am a little bias, maybe a little hater-ish right now..oh well if you dont like it kick rocks. LOL. Just kidding Will try to work on my lingo in the future and be nicer..Hope everyone out there is doing awesome i have missed blogging. But its been a lot going on. Me & Denise had an exchange of some nice choice words. She called my Shaytan among other things..I called her well i dont have enough room on this blog to go into all that. Lets just say it wasnt nice and we are officially arch enemies! yes mission accomplished..lmao. on that note i will end with a song. (Dedicated to Hassan and brother Mujahid)

Let's have a toast for the douchebags

Let's have a toast for the assholes

Let's have a toast for the scumbags

Every one of them that I know

Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs

That'll never take work off

Baby, I got a plan

Runaway fast as you can

Things I love

Asalaamu-alaikum world, whats really good? Ok I know I am a slacker blogger and all..Sorry. So here are some of my latest things I love. (no Hassan is not on the list)
Hazelnut coffee with Almond Joy coffee creamer omg so good. love coffee
H&M cute spring clothing.
My all female gym --love it
freedom! lol yes master plan still in effect..Will update a little more later have to make some runs..

Ok quick update

 

Asalaam-alaikum world. I have been really busy. And kind of avoiding polygamy blogs/groups for awhile. It can be overwhelming and depressing at times. So I had to step back. Well whats going on with me? Well, I have decided to divorce Hassan. Polygamy is def not for everyone and defiantly not for me. Inshallah I will be moving in a few months and relocating closer to family. He isn't really taking me sayin I want a divorce seriously but oh well when I move then he will see how serious I am. Denise..that sister (and I use that word very lightly) is a fitna factory and has some serious issues. Not going to go into the whole scenario but I believe she is very insecure with herself and needs some intense therapy for mental illness.LOL But on a bright note I am doing well in my new job and my business is doing better than ever. Guess thats all the update I really want to post right now. It is what it is. I really do not think men fully understand what they are asking of their awesome wife when the plan to "exercise their rights" and practice polygamy. Also I really think its really stupid for people to try to practice one sunnah at all cost while failing to implement things that are FARD and other more important sunnahs. This is just my two cents. At this point I dont feel there is anything, anyone can say to convince me to stay with Hassan. I told him unless he gives me 1 BILLION dollars, lol thats the only how I see myself staying. So oh well time for him to kick rocks.

I'm BAAACK

Asalamu-alaikum world. Whats really good? Well so much has happened since the last post. I really unfortunately dont have time to go into it all right now..but I will give a quick recap. Ok so I guess I should first start with the question that is on everyone's mind..Am I ok? Yes I am fine, pretty awesome if I must say so myself lol.I didnt leave Hassan in case anyone is wondering ..although I still might he better watch himself lol. But the reason I have been away is I have been super busy with my business and with my job. I love my job and its very rewarding but it really keeps me very busy. My business has been (alhumdulliah) doing very well lately so I am very excited on how things have been going. So besides being super tired I am fine. Hassan and I and doing very good at this point. I guess because I am not sweating him anymore so he is all up in my face all the time trying to be my number one fan. But I no longer have the time or energy to be worried about him or Denise.

And speaking of Denise..interesting story. We met in person again for the 1st time after the "wedding" and what a surprise

We are now besties . Like TWO PEAS IN A POD!............................................











LOL yea right, that would never happen. Here is what really happened. There was this event at the masjid. It was my time to be with my husband. He was of course going to the event. I was of course gonna go to the event. So it was somewhat nerve racking at first because I really didnt want to go and have my friends show up and see her and there be drama. Or have her try to be all up on Hassan and then I would want to kick her teeth in lol and fighting at the masjid is so un-lady like lol. So anyways I thought about it for a few days on whether I should go or not. I really wanted him to tell her to stay home, but u really can ban someone from the masjid. So anyways I showed up to the event very late because I had other things to do. So when I arrived im taking off my shoes minding my own business and here comes Denise and gives salaams. So my initial plan was ok, give the girl salaams and keep it moving. So she stops and trys to talk to me for 10 mins. The whole time I am thinking ...ok lifestalker get out my face and keep it moving. Our convo was just small talk about work and school ect. She seemed nice in person but I still feel she has a split personality due to that was not the character she showed me at all before, even days before over email. So anyways I guess the meeting went ok. I was looking like my normal fly self. And she was looking like Denise..enough said lol. I could tell the whole time we were talking she was thinking "wow how can I be like her she is so awesome" lol The look in her face gave it away. LOL. So anyways she left right when I got there after we talked. Which was good so we diverted any later need to see each other. And I noticed she kept starring at my ring which was bling'n like crazy since I just got it cleaned at the Jewelry store. I saw her ring ..lets just say mine is way better. anyways about to get dinner and relax. Hope everyone is well out there !

I'm so over this

Hey world. Hope everyone is doing swell out there. So Its been a rough couple of weeks. I have come to the realization that this life of polygamy is so not for me. For multiple reasons its just not the lifestyle I plan or want to live. Its too much hurt, drama, and its not worth it. Nowhere in the Quran does it say that marriage has to suck. No where does it say we must endure pain for a magic golden ticket. Bump that. I am so over this. I really dont think Its fair that I should have to go through an extended period of pain for what? Guess, I'm rambling a little tonight... But I just feel its messed up when certain second wives try to get on the team with the intention of destroying a marriage. Seriously that's an evil bitch attitude to have. Where is the Iqraam in that? I am just tired of hurting and feeling like this. Part of me really wanted to be optimistic with all this and be the exception to the rule, the couple that actually last in this polygamy lifestyle..but that is not looking like a possibility. Its time for me to really analyze and work on my exit strategy beacuse I really feel I can no longer do this. I plan to make istakara about it tomorrow but I already feel with about 89% certainity that I want to bounce. Hassan can have fun with Denise and I really hope he gets a third wife after I leave him so she can feel what it is truly like to be in my shoes. I know that is kinda mean to say but I really dont give an eff right about now. I just dont want to waste my youth on a loser and being unhappy. I'd rather be single than deal with this. I know Denise will be so excited when I leave him for good, since that was her whole master plan. The crazy part about all this is trying to plan my exit strategy. Because right now even though I wanna bounce I love my job, my business is doing well, and I love my city. I might just tell Hassan to leave and stay with Denise and I'll keep our house until I figure it all out. Decisions, decisions.. Oh in other news Denise got a job, so she is supposed to start this week. This whole situation is so annoying. I'm so over it. Guess i'm a little bit of a Debbie Downer tonight but oh well..it is what it is. Just tired of trying to give what I dont got. I'm young fly, educated, I can really do much better than this.

Cant wait to hate you..

Asalaamu-alaikum world. Whats really good. So people keep asking me ."whats up with you updating your blog." So I decided to post and to stop leaving folks in suspense lol. Lately I have been listening to this song "I cant wait to hate you." Mariah Carey. LOVE IT! Its my new theme song. Ok blog updated happy now? lol I would post the youtube link but everyone knows how to google it. So i wont. But, sometimes with all of this you have to distance yourself from the madness blogging all the time sometimes hurts more than it helps. But on a positive note i am loving my job it is very slacker friendly. And actually have wrote out a curriculum for myself of Islamic studies for work. lol. OK have a good weekend.
( lyrics..)
once upon a time, we swore not to say goodbye
something got a hold of us and we changed
then you sat alone in pride
and I sat at home and cried
how'd our fairytale just end up this way

we went round for round til' we knocked love out
we were laying in the ring, not making a sound
and if that's a metaphor of you and I
why is it so hard to say goodbye

I can't wait to hate you
make you, pain like i do..
still can't shake you off..
I can't wait to break through
these emotional changes..
seems like such a loss cause
I can't wait to face you,
break you, down so low
there's no place left to go..

I can't wait to hate you..

love is, was a love phenomenon no one could explain
and i wish, i could press reset and feel that feeling again
i sit and press rewind and watch us every night..
wanna pause it, but i can't make it stay

no need to call my phone cause I changed my number today
a matter a fact, I think I'm moving away (away)
sorry, the frustrations got me feeling awake
and i just keep having one last thing to say
and i just wanna hold you, touch you,
feel you, be near you, i miss you baby baby baby..
I'm tired of tryna fake through, but there's nothing I can do..
boy I can't wait to hate you..

I can't wait to hate you.. baby..

I can't wait to H.A.T.E.U.
Cuz right now i need you
I Can't wait to let you go

Fitna Free Friday!!! Egpyt Edition

Asalaamu-alaikum world. Hope all is well out there. I am feeling a little drained. Long week at work and looking forward to Friday! I really am enjoying my job and have been working out everyday these last 2 weeks and down 7.3 lbs! yay! So anyways, since my brain is officially fried I really wanted to shift the focus from me and my problems  to a bigger issue. EGYPT!!! I am not sure if anyone or everyone out there has been watching the news but ...lets just say the beautiful country of Egpyt and the people who live there are really being tested right now. Much of what is shown in the media is edited and scripted, some is true some is not. Many big name networks have been down playing the situation over there, claiming only 5 deaths so far as a result of the protest. Well, it has been way more than that. Some reports are in the hundreds. So wherever you live in the world, take a few minutes in your day and make dua for the people in Egypt that they may find peace and transition into an organized productive government that actually cares about the people. Oh and I dont want to forget about the protesters in Tunisia very little media coverage so their issue unfortunately for many over this way has been stifled.

Regardless of what difficult situations we are facing whether it be a crazy hard final exam you have to study for , a  psycho cowife, car problems, money problems, husband problems, kid problems, keep in mind that 1. someone always has it worse, and 2. Allah will not change the condition of the people until they change that which is in themselves. 3. Being grateful for the life you have and the gifts you already are presented with provides so much comfort. Also when you show humility and gratitude towards Allah , then Allah bestows more favors upon you. Perhaps not the coach bag you have been eying for months but something else you need and may not even know you needed it. For example, my new job it couldn't have come at a better time. The environment is laid back, I am able to pray at work, and its very close to a Masjid here. My coworkers are really nice and I am able to study my Quranic lessons without drama. I know that may seem small but many jobs especially in the states try to slave you from the moment you walk in the door and then have the nerve to look at you crazy when you want to exercise your religious beliefs. Life for anyone isn't perfect, if they are saying it is they are lying. But we can still enjoy this life, while preparing for the next by focusing on our blessings and making effort to be grateful and draw nearer to Allah.

Duas to for tranquilty :
O Allah! Grant me light in my heart, light in my sight, light in my hearing, light to my right, light to my left, light above me, light underneath me, light before me, light behind me, and grant me light.

Often in times of stress, or discomfort we feel there is a dark cloud looming over us wherever we go. This dua I love because, when someone has hurt us, holding on to anger can cause bitterness and can hurt us more than the person who we are angry with. So asking for light in our heart is essential for finding
peace within ourselves. 

O Allah, have mercy on me! Do not leave me alone for even a moment, and put my affairs in order, there is no God but You.O Allah, nothing is easy except what You make easy; and You make the difficult easy if it be Your will.

If you cant cook stay out the kitchen!

                                                                Chicken Bryan

Aslaamu-alaikum world, so whats really good? So earlier today Hassan calls me on his way from home and we are talking and he mentions again that he is on his way to the store. So I say "what's up with you going to the store all the time, that's her job." Ok so I am very old school in regards to the husband and wife roles. My father is very old school as far as the woman should cook, clean, ect. and my mother raised me very independent so I guess that's why I am a jack of all trades lol. So anyways, he says "well i gotta eat." So I am like WTF, this chick doesn't have a job now, and cant go to the grocery store to get him some dinner and cook it? Wowzers , she is so slippen on her job. No man wants to work all day and then have to pickup takeout. The last 3 times I have talked to him on her nights, he is saying he has to go to the store. He has said before that her cooking skills are lacking severely. Ok, so ladies out there, all men want to come home to a decent meal. You dont have to be winning any iron chef contests (like me lol) but at least be able to make something semi-edible without having your man wanna barf. All adults male or female need to be able to throw down in the kitchen if need be. It just doesn't make sense for someone to be home all day and not cook. That is serious living in slackerville. She is already one step out the door she need all the skills she can. 

When I was not working, Hassan came home to 5 star meals all the time...and he still does. I told him "dont let me go over there and school her in the kitchen, she aint gonna like it" lol. Hassan asked me if it would be ok if he started stopping by for dinner on her nights because fast food sucks and so does her cooking. I was like sure Babe my door is always open. He's come over in the past for dinner and she has gotten upset about it. But really what does she expect? She better start watching FoodNetwork like thats the only channel on her TV and take notes. Otherwise she will be eating dinner alone. LOL. So anyways since I am talkin about food, here is a recipe for the chicken bryan (pictured above ) that I made. Hassan loved it ..this was soo good! Chicken Bryan is one of  Carrabbas ( really good Italian restaurant here in the states) most popular dishes. Its really good. I substituted the wine for apple juice and it turned out perfect! Made with fresh garlic mashed potatoes and steamed green beans. BTW got the recipe from here  used my George foreman to grill the chicken then did the rest.Going to make some beef stroganoff from scratch tomorrow for dinner will add the recipe later its really good. I make it in the crock pot so its very tender.
Ingredients:

• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon minced yellow onion
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
• 2/3 cup cold butter, sliced
• 1 1/2 cups chopped sun-dried tomatoes
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon white pepper
• 6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
• extra virgin olive oil, for brushing
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 8 ounces caprinogoat cheese or 8 ounces other goat cheese, room temperature 

Directions

• Saute garlic and onion in 2 Tbls. butter in a large skillet over medium heat until tender
• 2 Stir wine (apple juice) and lemon juice into skillet, increase heat to medium high, and simmer to reduce by half.
• 3 Reduce heat to low and stir in cold butter, one slice at a time.
• 4 Stir in tomatoes, basil, kosher salt, and white pepper; remove from heat; set aside.
• 5 Brush chicken breasts with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and black pepper.
• 6 Grill chicken over hot coals 15-20 minutes, or until cooked through.
• 7 A couple of minutes before chicken is done, place equal amounts of goat cheese on each breast Spoon prepared sun-dried tomato sauce over chicken.

Keep it real

Asalaaamu-Alaikum world whats really good. Been having a good week at work and despite the snow have been having a good few days with Hassan. Lots of movie nights since too cold to go out and do much. Lots of things are on the horizon for this weekend, spring cleaning, lots of laundry, and grocery shopping. Also work on some projects for school. Fun fun fun. Been working out all week and have lost 5lbs yay! Doing a combination of Jillian michaels 30 day shred and hitting up the gym for some intense cardio. So anyways its so interesting how people paint a picture of themselves one way and then get in to something and are totally a different way. Let's just say Hassan is feeling bamboozled right about now. A lot of the things him and Denise agreed upon before hand, and things she said she was down with she is re-niggin on. Which I told him would happen. But sometimes people have to learn things the hard way and burn their hands before they know the fire is hot. Oh well I tried to help him out so he wouldnt be under a mountain of stress. Somehow mysteriously she has lost her job. They originally agreed that he would pay what little bit he could afford and she said she was fine with that. And when he could do more he would do more, maybe next year or so. So what a surprise now all of a sudden I have a job and Denise does not. But dont get it twisted nothing is changing over this way. Regardless of their financial situation , my money is mine. I know that may sound selfish but oh well. I still love Hassan and dont want him strugglin but he knows and admitting that marrying her was a mistake for many reasons. I think what it truly was is after Denise caught feelings, fell in love or whatever she started resenting the fact that she had to work and pay most of her bills and I did not. So "somehow" she ends up unemployed and expects Hassan to cover everything knowing good and well that wasn't the agreement. Needless to say Hassan is less than pleased. But I guess the good thing about all this is he has been so appreciative of me even more so. Often people dont realize how good they had it till they get something that is so different and way worse than what they had. Then suddenly they are doing everything in their power not to loose the jewel that was already before them. I dont know how all this is going to play out. But to feel bamboozle and misled very early on is not a good sign for success.

Anyways today has been truly a beautiful day, have gotten a lot accomplished :-) So the phrase for today is keep it real lol. Also I think some second wives come into the mix thinking they are replacing someone and thinking they are going to regulate things, and that they are the missing piece of what the husband has been searching for his whole life. (not all but this was the vibe I got from Denise) So when sh-t hits the fan and they realize "oh snap i'm not the wind beneath his wings" its a rude awakening. But that life. :-) hope everyone enjoys their weekend I know I will. And I forgot about fitna free Friday this week was crazy busy inshallah i will get back on board next week.

Omg I never thought...

Hey world what is really good? Everything around my home today seems so ...quiet. Not sure if that is really a good thing or not. I have been so busy lately with work and business and haven't really had time to post. The last few days have been emotional to say the least, but now I am just feeling very nonchalant. I was talking to my sister earlier about things that I never even thought of that would change as a result of all of this. Omg I so should write a tell all book lol about this confusion circle polygamy love/hate triangle. Seriously ...girls I dont know how I'm still here and not up in the loony bin trying sell wooden nickles. Every option in this situation is hard. Nothing is easy, and not saying monogamous marriages have no problems , but just saying that when you are forced in polygamy either road you take to leave or stay is hard and painful. Since someone hasnt published any book on everything that changes the relationship when brothers start adding folks to the team, I decided now would be a good time to give short list of things. And before I do let me just say any man who tells his wife "nothing will change" is lying. For instance , lets say you live in the U.S, perhaps New york, Ohio, Mi, Colorado, Washington , Rhode Island, Maine or any ice cold frosty the snowman state; and there is a blizzard. Now lets say ol' boy is over the other ones house and you are snowed in. Hmmm what to do? Go outside and freeze your ass off and get to diggin? Say eff it and make snow angels?  Well my friends this is the situation I now find myself in. It has snowed , power is flickerin in and out like its poltergeist up in here .. its crazy and Hassan is nowhere to be found. This is the type of mess you never even think about, and when it happens you're the one pissed and mad lookin around for something to break lol. So I really dont know what I am going to do in the morning. Its a winter wonderland I could probably build frosty the snowman and his whole generation in my front yard with the snow that is covering my car alone. I have to go to work...I cant really call in. But the crazy part is im not even mad, surprised how calm I am considering it will take a good 2 hrs to shovel all that snow. Times like this it would be good to have a kid or at least some teenager around I could put to work. You should be able to rent kids if you dont have any lol . Now that's a good business idea. One of yall better jump on that and make some money. Ok so thats #1 . on the list of things that suck and change when your husband gets other people on the team. All this household maintenance stuff, lawn,shoveling snow, taking out trash, killing spiders all that crap is not in my job description as a wife. I haven't been doing it and I refuse to do it now.

Anyways so much changes, besides the fact that its hard to be friends with a man who betrays you. The whole level of communication and privacy is destroyed. Ok i'm done for now not tryin be all debbie downer but its time for me to change tone and do something positive.Next post i will add more to the "omg I never thought _ list" Gotta work on the master plan whatever that may be.

Curiosity Killed the cat

Hey whats really good world?? Ok so before I go into the details of this post let me just say that I am generally against any illegal activities, however sometimes there comes a point in your life when you have to bend the rules lol. Ok so Pin Cushion had me thinking and I also wanted to share something that happened recently. So we all know that spying is not good, it may or may not be haram. LOL  I'm not going to debate that, just as a general rule of thumb you shouldn't spy on others. Let me also just say that stress, and confusion circle situations often cause people to act out of character and do some off the wall mess that they might not normally do if they were in their right mind. Case in point checking husbands cell phones, or email, or browser history. No good can really come from this. For one, if you see something shady, or a message to the potential or current cowife, this will just piss you off and likely send you into a rage and want to break things. Which is not good. I think most women at some point in her life has gone through her man's stuff. Whether it be a cell phone, pocket, laptop, car, briefcase...it has been done. And for that small percentage of women out there who may not fit into this category...well either 1. you have some serious self control and kudos to you. Or 2. give yourself time it will happen :-)

For some strange reason spying is so fun. I mean I know I just said its not good and you shouldn't do it, which I still agree about. But, if by chance you somehow accidentally by no fault of your own, find yourself spying you get such an adrenaline rush...or so I'm told lol. So here is part 2 of this post. So there is this girl, lets just say for argument sake her name is Jaiyana, she is married to a guy name Hassan who is also married to a girl named Denise. So one day Jaiyana gets the bright idea "hmm I wonder what their house is like." So somehow she gets the exact address of Denise's house/apartment. No she didn't stalk Hassan and follow him over there. Ok so anyways, she then ponders hmm maybe it will be a fun idea to go over there while Denise is at work and just take a look around. Maybe leave a few things out of place LOL. Ok so technically going into someone's home uninvited is for some strange reason a crime in this country...hmm yea "breaking and entering" i think is what they call it. LOL.So this story "allegedly happened". I guess the whole love thy neighbor doesn't apply. So anyways Jaiyana "allegedly" lol gets the key off of Hassan's key ring and decides to make a trip over to the new place. Now I know some of you are reading thinking OMG she has finally lost it...the pressures of it all have been too much. Ok once again before I go any further with this story, let me just emphasize again that I am not promoting any illegal activities and plead the 5th if for some strange reason I am questioned about my whereabouts lol.

Ok, so back to the story at hand. So Jaiyana goes over the H&D's apartment armed with latex gloves so she wont leave any finger prints. She pulls up to the complex..parks at the next building in order to not look suspicious. She then gets out her car and walks to the apartment. But to her surprise she sees Denise's car parked . WTF? It was the middle of the day, what is Denise doing home, doesn't she have a job or something. So once again Denise has ruined everything lol and the plan has been foiled for now. I mean after all Jaiyana couldn't just go inside knowing Denise was there, that would be a cat fight for sure. So the plan was a bust. But at least now Jaiyana has a key to the other house in case of emergencies, lol you never know what could happen.

I wrote this post to let people know that you really never know what you will do in a situation until you are smack dab in the middle of that mess. And then you are still confused like ...huh? what the???? Also stress, curiosities, insecurities, frustration, anger, can cause people to really act out of character. I know I am not perfect, I am work in progress. Inshallah one day I will be dealing with this 1000x better than I am right now. But who knows when that day will come. Also I have a question for my awesome readers, you dont have to incriminate yourself buy telling your business . But just curious if you feel my actions were justified. Well technically I didn't do much but go and park and go for a walk. But lets say she wasn't home and I went inside. Hmm..? What would you do if you had access to the other woman's house. Would you go there? Would you be curious? And this is all on the bases of if you and her dont get along at all ...and if yall met in the streets it would be a problem for sure lol. If you two are already besties and do each others hair while eating cookies and drinking tea..then this need not apply to you. So...am I the only crazy one? Who else is with me on this ..on team crazy? LOL ok later guys and dolls. Need to handle some things.

Emotional Rollercoaster pt.2

What's really good world?? Hope everyone is having a beautiful day/night where ever they may be. So as some of you may have noticed I have different labels for the post. (---> to the right) This one appropriately in the transition category. But really , I have been thinking does a woman ever fully transition? And WTF is transitioning anyway? I mean how do you go from (in my case) being the #1 Trophy wife...to sharing your man and somehow being ok with it?? I dont know but it is really eff up. I guess I am feeling this way because I am over the whole "honeymoon stage" we have been having since I came back. The realness of it all is sinking in and sucking. Seriously it doesnt matter how much he is nice to me because bottom line he is still with Denise half of the week. There is no point of trying to understand his way of thinking and logic because the whole scenario never made sense. Was at the gym earlier and listening to this Drake song ..and I was like wow yea I can relate.

"And he lives in a mindset that I could never move to
Until you find yourself, it's impossible to lose you"

 I really feel Hassan's whole way of thinking is so foreign to my own. His desire for other woman to be on the team I feel is a subconscious need for approval from others. He's still finding himself, but somehow thinks he has time, energy, and stamina for everyone else. Woo--saaa! This was his game plan from the beginning, so really I never was his wife, just a pawn in his sick twisted game. I know its an eff up thing to say. But this is how I am feeling right now, so oh well it is what it is. You cant be strong everyday. What really irks me is these so called muslim woman who are ok with devastating families and ruining marriages just so they can get a piece. That's really not cool. But what goes around comes around and Karma is a B-tch! oh well. But on a good note I did have a amazing workout at the gym 45 mins of cardio 20 mins weights! People who have been in polygamy far longer than me, always talk about how you have to get used to a "new normal" ...but who wants to do that. I think nobody really. The messed up part about all of this is its really black in white. Either roll with the punches or get the eff out the ring. There is no gray area. And unfortunately some second wives out there get married to the husband with the hopes/idea that the 1st will do just that and bounce. I've been through a lot of stuff in my life and would generally consider myself a strong person, but this really ...is more difficult than ANYTHING i have ever been through in my entire life. I was reading that "monogamy to polygamy" book again and wanted to share some common side effects of polygamy for those out there that are in the pre-phase and bout to loose their good mind ..your not alone lol. This is what this book calls Phase 1. Depression , the initial reaction. There are 3 phases listed.( Phase 2 self-anger/doubt, Phase 3 Growth/Change) . I think perhaps a woman goes back and forth thru Phase 1-2 until she somehow magically reaches the Phase 3 , which is the land of unicorns and sugar plum fairies.

So anyways Phase 1 Depression: Emotional shock, numbness disbelief, crying, yelling, hitting, silence, feelings of betrayal, intense anger , fear, exhaustion, denial, excessive sleeping, mood swings, rage, loss of self-control, actions (lol hitting, throwing objects, uncontrollable tears) hurt/sadness, reality sets in, loss of appetite, anxiety, nervous and jumpy, contradicting feelings, lethargy, sluggish feeling, dazed remote and distant in actions and behavior. 
So I just wanted to list the phase 1 for anyone going through this also and feeling like wtf is up with me or feelin bipolar lol. Supposedly 75% of women admit to going  through these emotional changes during this time. I guess the other 25% have already been brainwashed into thinking they are getting their golden ticket so they suck it up with a smile from day one lol. Who knows I am only guessing lol. But anyways time for me to get some work done. Later guys and dolls.

Fitna Free friday !! Beautify yourself

Ok so for this week's fitna free friday I decided to be lazy , yes I know lol and post something that was sent to me awhile ago. Next week I will make a comeback with something original ..lol i promise.

So that you can stay attractive and beautiful for the rest of your life.
1- To beautify your eyes, lower your gaze towards strange men, this will ...make your eyes pure and shiny. 

2- To beautify your face and make it shiny, keep doing wudu minimum five times a day. 

3- To have attractive lips, always mention Allah and remember to speak the truth.

4- As for blush and rouge, "Modesty" (Haya) is one of the best brands and it can be found in any of the Islamic centers.

5- To remove impurities from your face and body, use a soap called "Astaghfaar".(seeking forgiveness of Allah) this soap will remove any bad deeds. 

6- Now about your hair, if any of you has a problem of hair split ends, then I suggest "Islamic Hijab" which will protect your hair from damage. 

7- As! for jewelry, beautify your hands with humbleness and let your hands be generous and give charity to the poor. 

8- To avoid heart disease, forgive people who hurt your feelings.

9- Your necklace should be a sign to pardon your fellow brothers and sisters. If you follow these advices given to you by the Creator, you will have a beautiful inner and outer appearance.

The muslim girlfriend

Hey whats really good world? Its crazy early in the wee hours of the morning around here. I guess it would be a good thing if I got some sleep, but fajr is almost in so i guess I will just stay up. So whats on my mind?? Well even though I am trying to be positive and move forward in the land of unicorns, sugar plum fairies and golden tickets this is still the hardest thing I have ever ..ever..ever had to do. Some days like today I just feel like saying eff' it! Like seriously even though Hassan complains about her, and is always irritated when he comes from over there, and even though he texts me all night when he is with her...It still sucks. Because bottom line is no matter how much she may or may not suck, no matter how bad her cooking may be or how tacky her wardrobe may "allegedly" be lol ..that girl Denise is still his wife. He is still married to her and still leaves me to go spend time (regardless of how boring) with her. 

I really dont feel like a wife anymore. Maybe this is my hormones talking because I am PMS'n who knows, but that's how i am feelin today. Like even though I have never been privy to the dunya lifestyle of "live in girlfriends" that's how I feel. Like I feel like my wifey status has been taken...like some thief in the night has ram-shacked my home and took my Trophy wife crown and everything that came with it lol. Seriously I feel like I am playing wife. I have a friend (really sweet non-muslim girl) whom I've known since high school and through college. In college she got engaged and moved in with her boyfriend,(well almost she spend some nights still at her dorm) her parents were pissed to say the least. They told her she was playing house and didn't approve. This is how I feel , like I am a live in girlfriend. And its starting to get old. I just dont see or feel stability in this situation. Even though Hassan loves me and has really being trying to make a comeback and treat me like the queen I am, I am feeling like whats the point dude. Like seriously, what's the point of me cooking cleaning , looking fly, doing laundry, being his personal assistant, masseuse, and private dancer if he is just going to continue to go to be with Denise every few days. This whole arrangement really seems quite pointless.I think I am going to try being celibate and me and Hassan can just be roommates for awhile.

Sorry if I am being all Debbie Downer or whatever but I am just keepin it real. Yes, I do have more freedom with this scenario love triangle confusion circle of polygamy. But me and Hassan never had the type of relationship where he would try to hold me back and control me or restrict me in anyway. I was always free to do whatever I wanted. If anything I have been the controlling one in the relationship. LOL. Days like this it is really hard to see the silver lining in the f'up storm. Like really how is this benefiting me in any kind of way? I mean I am all for sharing and caring, but to share the person you have waited your life for with someone who is crazy and spiteful is so not my cup of tea. I am so with anny w/att on devising a master plan to bounce. I really dont blame sistas at all who have to throw up a peace sign. It is truly super hard. And no I am not trying to discourage anyone out there, everyone is grown and can make their own choices, just saying I wouldn't choose this again if I had a do-over. Now is a good time to start planning my exit strategy. Who knows where this journey will  take me , but I really am not liking this AT ALL.

Grant it, when Hassan spends time with me its usually awesome, we dont argue we truly just enjoy each others company. But the time apart, no matter how many activities, you fill your day with there is still that void of no husband. Perhaps if I had a house filled with bebe kids I would be so preoccupied with them or so drained to even notice that the husband wasn't there. Or by the time I did notice or care, I'd be so tired and ready to fall asleep on any comfy place I could find, so it wouldn't matter. ..Ugggh I really cant stand selfish people. I think its time to start looking for a 2nd husband, Hassan might have to get replaced lol. Guess I will have to get my golden ticket some other way LOL.

Football is so romantic

 

LOL thought this pic was so funny

Aslaamu-alaikum world! Omg let me just say that I hate football ..seriously like how many games have to come on before its over? When is the super bowl again??? So the last few days were awesome and not so awesome. All i have to say is if I never watch another football game it will be too soon. So the last few days me and Hassan spent the weekend together working on business things, relaxing and you guessed it watching countless hours of football. So after about 10 mins into the Jets game on Sunday I was ready to stab my eyes out with a dull fork lol. There is only so much torture a girl can take. So I tell Hassan, let me get the keys so I can run to the store or just run far far away so I can escape this, and he says "what you dont like football, its romantic watch the game with me babe." WTF? Umm no dude sorry. I try to be a good wife and all but you have to cross the line somewhere. And the messed up part of the whole thing was we were out of town so I didnt even know where to go and had no gps so I had to stay with Hassan. Hmm the things we do for our men lol. But so anyways we get back home, yay home sweet home and Hassan gives me a nice massage and tells me he appreciates me being his partner in crime. I am like whatever dude you need to make more guy friends so you can have some sort of male bonding fest. But now that he has zero free time I guess that wont be happening any time soon. One good thing about having more "me time" is not being forced to watch sports or pretending like I care that his team just got blew out 28 to 0 lol. We spent the day together and then he went over Denise's tonight. Which was good because I could catch up on things I needed to do, like workout  and go to my quranic studies class. Also since I didnt feel like cooking I wanted to get some takeout. Hassan is all trying to be on a budget now so it was good to grab some grub without having to hear any back talk from him. He thinks I spend too much money .. oh well you knew how I was long ago get used to it buddy. So anyways I went to this really good Thai restaurant here that has the best pad thai in the world..well at least around these parks and it was so good. So tonight was a good night, no football, no drama, some good grub and Hassan texting me all night sayin he misses me. Hmm hope Denise doesnt check his phone. oh well not my problemo! Hope everyone else's week is off to a great start. Oh yea it is Martin Luther king day... I guess in the whole observance of today I should shout out what my dream is..that will be the next post my brain is a little to fried to write that right now. ok good night/day guys and dolls

Fitna Free Friday!!!

 

Whats really good world??? Hope all is well out there on Jummah Friday worldwide! Yea boi. So I decided to do a segment called "Fitna free fridays" where I will try to bring some sort of positivity to the world around me. Perhaps a hadith or whatever I feel like it. There are a lot of haters out there and no need to spread negativity around because thats just mean and dumb. So right now its almost 2 am around these parks. Just finished my awesome workout and am super energized ...guess I shouldn't have drunk that french vanilla coffee at 11:30 ..oops oh well.  So technically its friday,and I plan to make it an awesome day. So whats on the agenda? Sometime today perhaps after fajr plan to dye my hair with this Henna dye I picked up from the meat store. Go to the gym. Finish working on some work and school projects and call mi familia and see how they are doing. Since I have started blogging I have had an amazing amount of feedback and support from so  many people, many sisters in the pre-polygamy phase and others who are just curious. The pre-poly phase -days was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my entire life. Seriously there were times where if i weren't up on my deen I might have got tipsy or got introduced to the gateway drug  (weed) lol and blazed up lol. But lucky for me my family was there for me and provided a crutch on most days where I couldn't even think straight let alone function. So this brings me to today, fitna free friday. So because I am a giver and all (so they say) LOL i wanted to give/share some insight of what I learned through this process and what really helped me get from point A to point B.

1. Pray, pray, and then pray some more ...I know people might get tired of hearing this but it works. If your iman is strong you really can conquer anything.
2. Dhikr /zikr -calming and essential for not going crazy and wanting to shank someone. Some stress Zikrs are "La Howla wa La Quwata illa billa" it means there is no might nor any power expect through Allah.(I literally recited this hundreds of times a day!)
3. Read Quran daily if you can even for 5 mins. Once again very calming and takes away urges to key your husband's car or put sugar in his gas tank lol.
4. Workout! even if your toned already or borderline anorexic and dont NEED to ...working out releases endorphins in your body which are feel good hormones which help you get out of that mental slump and feel better.
5.  In the face of fitna and drama always remind others what is right. A lot of times it will just irritate the mess out of them and leave you alone. I like to call this "the killing people with kindness strategy". There was an occasion where Denise tried to text me some foolishness about my husband trying to be spiteful and mean and I replied to her with "I thought your iman was at a higher level to handle things as an adult.I will make dua Allah guides you, and gives you hikma and Iqram, inshallah one day you can be in a more positive place in the future, and be a part of a stronger ummah." Now at the time she said some really nasty evil things to me and I really wanted to curse her out in every language I knew and then make up some more curse words in ebonics, but I choose to take the high road and held back. It was really funny actually because she didn't know how to respond, she just responded with "ameen." lmao Also you really cant let haters get to you, it makes them feel special thinking they have some control, regardless of how little over your emotions. Never give in, never surrender lol !
6.  Also during this time it is very easy to slander or backbite your husband or his potential or already cowife lol .This sometimes is a natural reaction to the anger and pain you are feeling. I mean there were times where I would slander/backbite Denise like it was second nature. Crazy I know but just the mention of her name and it was like word vomit..once i started it was hard to stop, name calling, cursing, I was saying words I didnt know existed before lol. I am still working on this.Not saying this to be funny, just keepin it real. So if this happens try to seek Istikfar by sayin "Allahum magfirlee War Hamnee" which means O Allah forgive me and have mercy on me

Maintaining your calm during any stressful period is essential to your overall health and sanity. Keeping up your salat, and other acts of ibadaah go along way in this. Also because honesty is awesome and the best policy here is a nice Hadith on lying and the importance of that as women. This is not only being truthful with ourselves in matters but truthful to others, our husbands, family, cowives, ect. Keep it real thats all i have to say. A lot of fitna starts from people lying about others, being haters, and having jealously in their hearts. Don't hate appreciate lol :-)

Narrated by A’sha that a woman came to Allah's Apostle) and said: I have a co-wife. Is there any harm for me if I give her the false impression (of getting something from my husband which he has not in fact given me)? Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The one who creates such a (false impression) of receiving what one has not been given is like one who wears the garment of falsehood.