Hassan: I'm on my way home
Me: Huh? Who's home? my house or hers?
Hassan: Our house babe, I miss you.
Me: OK babe see ya soon.
So I am a little irritated that the schedule has been changed. One, I like planning things and this switch-around didn't leave me no room for nothin. I wasn't planning on cooking tonight at all either. So Hassan says he will get take out. Also I like to be primped when he gets home, I usually have hair done and makeup. But today was roughin it. Was still fly but no glam gear lol.But its all good.
So anyways when I get home, Hassan is there reading. I'm like whats up Babe , why are you here. He is looking all stressed and says he doesn't want to talk about it. And then says "you have been exceptional , I dont know what I was thinking, I dont know if I can last like this." So in my mind im laughing so hard , like duh told you so , duh you just now realizing how awesome I am? LMAO. I kinda feel bad for him in a way, but not too bad enough to really care or do something. So I say to him, "well I tried to tell you but you have to see things for yourself". LOL. I had to try with all my effort not to just laugh so hard in his face. Because he was looking so cute when he's sad. Who knows if his feeling will last , or not. I'm guessing it wont but then again who knows. I dont know why but that made me so happy knowing that "me and him get along so much better." But everyone has to learn and grow with their mate. Guess my month away wasn't enough time to learn each other. Or maybe they did and didnt like what they learned. Either way I'm still on my natural high. Denise or nobody else cant steal my shine. Hassan said he really thought i was going to be a lot different when i got back, he thought was going to be "trippen" and spazin out all the time. I'm like ummm no,, that so last year lol drama takes too much energy dont have time for all that. I'm tryin be high off life. I'm a little surprised too how well we have been getting along. I think partly because Hassan is secretly jumping for joy that I came back to him in the first place.LOL, and he has been trying to be really sweet.I guess him and Denise thought I was really going to leave him. This is what he tells me tonight, that Denise thought I was going to leave him. LOL sorry grasshopper.
But anyways I am so not even thinking about that whole scenario.I have been trying to keep up on my reading and lectures/kutbahs. Also I started learning some new surahs this week yay. Thanks to a fellow blogger got some new good Islamic sites to stay focused on my deen.Everyday do one thing for yourself that makes you feel good!Thats my motto carpe diem. Seize the day! But yea later for now guys and dolls gotta tend to some things around these parks.
Wow! I am loving this positive energy you have! I wonder what will happen? Maybe your right, they spent the time together and now its just not the "fit" they imagined it would be. He sounds like an amazing man...Mashallah! I pray that he finds the clarity he needs to make the right decision for all parties.... Keep us posted!
ReplyDeletesalamu alaikum sis, I think reality has sunk for your husband and things are starting to submerge to the surface for what they really are! HARD HARD HARD! I knew Polygany isnt easy, Subhan'Allah, it would take a very patient and low tempered man to be able to handle 2 women at once!
ReplyDeleteASA @Jaiyana, Anonymous w/att
ReplyDeleteDon't get excited juusst yet. See reality is starting to set in for them both. She now realizes "Wow, maybe I really don't like sharing time or my man", hmmm. Or Why Did I Get Married Anyway? LOL. Can you pay my telephone bill, Can you pay my automobile, or maybe we can chill, I don't think you do, so you and me are through?LOL. I hope you all recognize the quotes from songs I use, it makes it funnier.Destiny Child girls. LMAO.Or maybe she realizes her star status as the newbie or as Denise aka Snipes(joke), didn't win her audience. And he is now being overwhelmed with the back & forth of it all along with work - so his reality has set in like, "you know this is not as sweet as icing as I thought, shoot I'm tired! And he is young, with 2 young HOTTIES. If either of you are like I was, he is performing everyday. Hollering, Why Can't We All Just Get Along".LOL. Ahhh...but the saga continues, my dear friends. Stay tuned. You know...the moral of the story is, those out there who think that sharing lifes goals with other women is a piece of cake...NOT! - takes a lot of soul-searching of who you are and what you want out of this life, contemplation, adjustments and reality checks. Talk to women who have experienced it. Talk to the other women who you plan to live with. They think they just gonna walk up in the door, talking bout "Hold onto your horses, theres a new Sheriff in town" - NOT!! This chick in my life is like the "Ghost-rider" but I know what the problems are because I Lived Them First. Take it from the experts Boo!!! He didn't have time due to work which already effected us, let alone now he has to give up more time to another situation. Stop being Greedy, man. I told him, I'm not your enemy, but I can no longer let you take valuable time away from me, for what and nothing productive is coming from this. I know a sister who is about to marry someones husband and I can see the issues already. She hasn't approached the first wife to ask anything or offer a friendly gesture(that's the guilt)about the husband or how they can make it happen. You never see the wife and husband together. Whhhy??? - there is a reason! The husband is a prominent man in the community, who can't do simple things like go to the movies, Heellloo, this sister is the exact opposite. Okay, maybe she'll adapt, I'm no damn psychic, but I do know for sure is, "What You See, Is What you Get!!! Let the smoke dissapate from the hot coffee, before taking a sip!
By the way, I didn't pass my darn test. Its my fault though. I knew my weaknesses and I think I avoided them like the plaque. Unfortunately, the part that makes me sad is the fact that I have to wait for the next window to retake the test, which is not until several months from now. I was really crying, because Al-hamdulilaah, I always pass test even if its by the skin of my chinny, chin, chin. LOL. Well theres a first time for everything!!! Have a happy Jumah!
By the way Jaiyana, I LOVE the Gingerbread Man. hahahaa
What do you mean by him and Denise thought you were going to leave him? He also assumed you were gonna leave but still went ahead and married her knowing this possibility?
ReplyDeleteASa, Jaiyana,
ReplyDeleteWHERE YOU AAATTT!!!...
Answer her question, Get Her!!! LOL
I'm a new reader (one day to be in the same situation allahu alim) and yeah...I'm kind of cheering for you LOL. Maybe his feelings will change again, but you know that you and him have a bond that can't break and is special like no other woman's. :)
ReplyDelete@annon w/AT&T lmao so true now that the smoke is cleared people seeing things for what it is. Not only that Hassan isn't thinkin clearly about things which causes arguments in their home. He brought the leftover cheesecake factory grub ..lol his scraps over her house after we went dinner on her day. Needless to say she was less than pleased lol. Not only did he wine and dine me but gonna bring the evidence over to her house and rub it in? Lol not smart, but hey I wasn't gonna stop him, he has to learn things himself lmao. But yea we shall see how it goes the saga continues lol...
ReplyDelete@slc why did he marry if he thought I may leave. Well alot of men Hassan included get tunnel vision when they are tryin to be in polygamy and are so surprised / overjoyed that someone actually accepted to be a second wife and join their team all logic and commen sense goes out the window. Basically they lose their mind and don't know how to act. Denise knew how I felt before and thought when I left I would be leaving him for good , her master would then be complete lol. So to her surprise when I came back in the mix it didn't sit well. He never told her I was leavin him for good but she knew how strongly I felt before bout her and the scenario . Guys take a big risk , possiblity losing their family to get extra people on the team. He's seein now it's not worth it. Told me last night "I wouldn't wish this on anyone" lmao but yea like anon said I keep him quite busy purposely so he can tire out and see how fun this really is lol. I'm young and have lots of energy lol
all 3 of you are young. still figuring out life, yourselves, etc. when you are young you think differently, see things differently, and handle things differently. some people are still stuck on the me, me, me, factor and not the we, we, we, factor. you left for a month, denise and hassan would probably assume you weren't coming back. especially since you didn't call for the month. denise was happy, hassan was miserable. which could have also added to their problems. it would be nice if all 3 of you tried to talk to people who have been in polygamy for some years. so you 3 would know the does and don'ts.
ReplyDeletemy hubby will bring home take out from the other house (when he takes her out). and it doesn't bother me. i know that my turn will come. all 3 of you need to learn to take turns. and to wait for your turn. not to take too much and to share. (just like in elementary school). why? because right now denise isn't happy because of all the attention, affection, etc. that you are receiving now. and you are loving it. but there could be a time (later in the marriage) when denise gets all the attention, affection, etc. and you defiantly wouldn't like that.
@Yaiyana, Men are like children... they don't like to put too much effort into anything and expect things to be 'just the way they want'.. buy hey, life's not like that!!! We marry a man and live with them for years... going through trials and what not, until our life together is great, easy, comfortable. Then they wake up one day saying "I love my life... if I could just have a bit more of this... I think it's time I get that 'side-piece' (like you say)". So they go about getting it.. all the time expecting to get "from them" the same thing they get "from us", in just.. a month? a week? WAKE UP FOOL!!! lol :D
ReplyDelete@Sarah yes polygamy is challenging.
ReplyDelete@alibaster muslim, thanks for joining. Yea no women will ever break our bond. We have established a relationship, I've learned him and his heart . Took awhile for me to even halfway understand him lol so they will have to do the same, I imagine it's much harder learning your mate when they are gone 1/2 the time. But oh well that is what she signed up for. I make dua if this is what's planned for you Allah makes it easy.
@huda , yes we are young and have lots of learning and growing to do. Before and during all of this I have been talkin to older women who have been in polygamy before . Some loved it some hated it , but I was able to get some advice along the way. But no matter what every situation is different so each person needs to do for themselves what's best. Your prob right there might come a time where Denise gets more attention. And I will prob want to punch him and or key his car if this happens. How I feel about that is, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Taking things one day at a time and loving life :-)
& @ anon so sorry you didn't pass inshallah the next time
ReplyDelete@huda
ReplyDeleteWouldn't you agree that since a first wife goes through an initial shock and greif that shes entitled to showering and pampering from her husband? Whats harder though is that husbands have to treat both equally so whatever he does for Jiyana he has to do for the other wife otherwise hes not being fair. This is what is going to be hard because her husband will realise that now he will be doing things for the other wife not because he wants to but because he HAS to. Its an obligation, and a trust that Allah gave him upon taking up Polygany.
A man can divide his time between 2 women, but he cant divide his heart.
@Jaiyana LOL "Sorry lil grasshopper is right" lol hop on sister Denise! lol Oh well people have to learn the hard way. Too bad so sad. It's really delusional thinking to believe as a second wife your just gonna come in and be this "long awaited breath of fresh air." NOT reality! I'm sure Denise is seeing things a lil more clearly now. I know you probably don't feel bad at all because all the tears you cried she didn't care at all about you or your feelings. She is now feeling exactly how you felt these last few months and it doesn't feel so nice. Oh well. That's what folks wanted, so deal with it. Hassan is probably lookin for the nearest exit. Just keep being your usual awesome for the pleasure of Allah. Keep making more effort towards deen. Whatever happens this was a learing and growing lesson. Stay positive sis your wear it well......you lil energizer bunny you!! LOL
ReplyDelete@Sarah you are so right. Its one thing when someone wants to do something, another when they are feeling forced. But oh well lol. But i completely agree, all the pain,drama, crying contest lol i had to go thru before, now i should be treated like a queen. Hassan better keep it up if he knows whats good for him lol.
ReplyDelete@UmmAssad , yea its a new day around these parks and Denise defiantly doesnt like it. Oh well, thats life, this is what she wanted. Get used to sharing.Sharing is caring right? LOL. And nope i dont feel bad at all, because through all the drama in the beginning she didnt care at all about me or my feelings . Even when I tried reaching out to her woman to woman she was nothing but mean and spiteful. So I dont care at all if she is feeling a little dissed, oh well thats life kick rocks. She doesnt want nothing to do with me anyways, so that's Hassan's problem not mine. And yea he is looking for the nearest exit, but i doubt he will leave , who knows lol. But i plan to stay positive. Me and Hassan have been investing alot of time together, reading, listening lectures/biyans, ect. My workouts are going awesome, job market looking up, my business is doing well. I really cant complain right now. Inshallah I will be able to maintain this positive vibe.
@ sarah. this is true. so right now, his heart is with jaiyana. and attention, etc. and he will/should try to take denise out or buy her take out. and spend the day with her. this is how he gets to know denise. can't know a person if your not at home. but if he is constantly with jaiyana, then he will never get to know denise. and that's not being just/fair.
ReplyDeletei had this problem with my hubby. for about the first year, his time was tight. at both homes, we didn't see him much. i was still getting to know him, likes, dislikes, etc. then the second year, there were alot of emergencies with his family and her family. not to mention the kids. it was a crazy year. he was spending alot of the day handling all of this. spending the days with her to handle all these problems. and coming to me late at night tired. well one day he had got upset because of something i did. i didn't do something the way he want. and he was mad. but then i said, (so nicely) that i don't know how he wants this done. he looked at me and said we have been married for 2 years and you don't know me by now. i told him no. because you have been really busy these 2 years. and i only see you a few hours at night before you fall asleep. he thought about that. and realized that he needed to change his schedule, cut back, or send other people to do things for him. so we could spend more time together. problem solved with time and patience
@huda, he knows her. She knows him. He sees her the same # of days he sees me. The time is fair,perhaps his heart is not lol.. but when he's here and its relaxing, love and happiness. And when he's there is drama contest, he isnt going to like staying over there much. But oh well. I understand every situation is different and they are still learning things about each other they may or may not like. I learned some things I didnt like. But it was easy for me to adjust because Hassan was providing very well for me and had little room to complain.but her on the other hand, holding all her bills down, and lets say Hassan isnt pitchin in cleaning up or whatever (who knows) that may cause some tension.
ReplyDelete