Recently another sweet friend of mine's husband (lets call him Mujahid) has gotten a 2nd wife. And it really just makes me want to vomit and then pistol whip him. lol (not that violent for real) But all jokes aside it's like these brothers (some) are so freaking selfish it kills me. And people have the nerve to use the excuse that they are safeguarding themselves from sin because they have needs . WTF?? Seriously if a man is that pressed out to get some action he gotta marry another woman to handle his needs then he NEEDS to be fasting more and helping control his horny urges. He NEEDS to be working on his deen thats what he needs to do. Women have needs to and we need our husbands to be at home not trying to add people to the team. I'm sorry im on a little tangent but this whole trifecta situation infuriates me. Especially when I know the wife personally and know she isn't a slacker wife. His wife is so sweet, and beautiful and awesome. He really lucked up to even get a sister like her in the first place. Ungratefulness is so ugly.
Not only that for the 2nd wives out there who are married under this pretense of "needs" and avoiding sin isn't that kinda an F'up up way to look at your role. I mean no offense to anyone out there. But i would feel personally offended if my husband told me the main reason he wanted to marry me was so he wouldn't commit sin. Like is that all they see in their 2nd wife? a Jumpoff? someone to handle their needs? If so then that is really messed up for some guys to look at second marriages this way. And people wonder why polygamy doesn't work. I talked to this brother after he married this girl and he told me he married his 1st wife for a life partner and family ect. But the primary reason for 2nd was for basically sex more often. I was like ok WTF is wrong with you. Do o'l girl know this? If so what was she thinking? Was she also smoking crack when she said yes. Did ..yall have a crack cocaine party to celebrate the good times? I mean really the stuff that comes out of folks mouth is ..woa all I have to say.
I know I say some wild stuff , but it is what it is. I am not some perfect muslima by any stretch of my imagination..lol no reason to front on a blog or anywhere else. I keep it real , it is what it is. But back to my scenario I really wish I could do a nationwide..no worldwide PSA (public service announcement) lol and tell folks to steer clear of polygamy. Like how they have the say no to drugs campaign they need to have a say no to polygamy lol. Ok maybe I am a little bias, maybe a little hater-ish right now..oh well if you dont like it kick rocks. LOL. Just kidding Will try to work on my lingo in the future and be nicer..Hope everyone out there is doing awesome i have missed blogging. But its been a lot going on. Me & Denise had an exchange of some nice choice words. She called my Shaytan among other things..I called her well i dont have enough room on this blog to go into all that. Lets just say it wasnt nice and we are officially arch enemies! yes mission accomplished..lmao. on that note i will end with a song. (Dedicated to Hassan and brother Mujahid)
Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can
As salaamu alaykum Jai...it's Mai.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are way harsh...but what you wrote is true in SO many cases. I have come to a stage that I think that even if brothers have some good reasons, the REAL one is always their third head. I believe that the reason many things don't go that well for them is because they are so ungrateful for what they already have.
Let's be honest, the lousy wives don't end up facing these tests anywhere near as much as the good wives. Because it is almost always the really good, sweet, hard-working wives who end up having to share and sacrifice, I cannot help but support the idea that men are a bunch of ungrateful, selfish, thrill seeking dunya- lovers.
Believe me, I have a load of unpublished posts that talk about the negative and really hard aspects of polygyny. I'm sitting on them until I can do them in positive "Mai style" LOL, but even I cannot call manure Mousse au Chocolat.
May Allah richly reward all the men out there who have rida' and guide all those who don't - ameen.
As a kinda '2nd' wife i totally agree with you!
ReplyDeleteMarrying a 2nd is NOT just for sex and any woman who accepts that for just that is crazy. And any man who is marrying JUST for that, well all i can say is he already has a wife. reminds me of the hadith where if a man sees a woman he likes let him go to his wife (to satisfy his needs) because she has the same thing.
hehe i dunno if this means the same in US but jerking off is a man wanking here :p
Yep interesting post, lol and what a fitting poem you wrote to end things with. Wow the truth is so freeing. I definitely agree with you, and Mai about the whole ungratefulness of it all. SO true. @Mai your so right about it being the good hard working wives that have to suck it up, and sacrifice. I think men know when the have a really good women who loves them, and is willing to "take one for the team". The sisters that aren't tryin to hear no sorts of sharing are the ones they won't even bother with. Uggh! I just can't stand when they are manipulative knowing they have a nice, deeni wife who wants to please them, and they take advantage of her! That really is so unfair. I know we as women lose respect for our men when we see what they go through, and sacrifice just for some new stuff to dabble with. When they could've been grateful for what the already had, if it was a good, practicing muslim wife, mother of their children, ect...ect. But nooooo you wanna be ungrateful, and what usually happens to people who are ungrateful......um yeah they end up losing. May Allah bless us all to be winners! @Mai I had to google rida', lol. I didn't know what that meant? It says lovely is that right? Oh and let those unpublished post loose, I can't wait to read them, lol! Oh this is Umm Assad by the way, just changed up my pic, and a new display name :0}
ReplyDeleteSaleema, I know it's you, LOL!
ReplyDeleteSomething wrong in the translation of rida' because I didn't write it in Arabic and didn't know how it was spelled as a transliteration. It is apparently spelled riddah. It means contentment and satisfaction with what one has. I actually wrote a post about it:
http://maitotheextreme.blogspot.com/2009/07/what-ever-happened-to-rida.html
I didn't mention polygyny in it, I just talked about the subject in general...but it most definitely qualifies!
I have to be very careful what I say about anything to do with polygyny now, so I'm really struggling to "fix" those potential posts. I'll work on it, inshaa'Allah!
Love and hugs to ya!
Oops again! I just checked and it is spelled ridaa in English, which raa, daad, alif, hamza in Arabic and means contentment. In fiqh (I believe) it means contentment with Allah's decree.
ReplyDeleteOh well, better go and edit that post again, LOL!
Salaam everyone!! Love your post..it is so raw and real... I see the pain in your words and I send a big hug out to you. I dont know how women do it. My husband's second wife isn't even here yet and I am ready to throw in the towel! Why dont men truly understand the effect this has on us?
ReplyDelete@Mai thanks for the explanation. Contentment is really a good quality to possesses. If we don't have contentment in our lives then I'm sure we're always wanting, and searching for more?
ReplyDelete@Saleema
ReplyDeleteThat's what I feel these men lack: contentment. They just aren't satisfied and happy with what they have, so they keep looking for more and more. It is a never-ending search, because there will always be something or someone else that will seem better.
If those discontented men have something great, they want more of it. For many of us, if we have something great, they say, "Al hamdu l'Illah."
@Daisy,
ReplyDeleteI really believe that if you just hang in there, your co-wife is either going to get with the program or go up in smoke. Allah is fair and He takes care of His faithful servants.
Every time a terrible prospect or an insincere or unsuitable co-wife has materialized, they have gone up in smoke. That has been the case for the majority of good sisters I know, mashaa'Allah.
So much of all this manure is to teach our husbands lessons, to make them appreciate what they have, and to show them that they should be careful what they wish for.
Thanks Mai... I will do my best. I feel like that kitten poster where the poor thing is hanging on for dear life. At least I am using my claws to hang on and not claw her eyes out. :-O hehe
ReplyDeleteAsalaamu Alaikum sister!!
ReplyDeleteI haven't posted on your blog in a while but I've been keeping up. Inshallah I hope things are going well for you!! Stay strong girl, you will make this through.
Wasalaam!!