So...Anyways.. I am trying to put this schedule together for rotation days and I am just so pissed right now. Like I am so not feelin this at all right now. I shouldnt have to "schedule" time with my husband, this fool needs to just keep coming home everyday like he has been. This month Eid al-adha is right around the corner and so is Thanksgiving (which i could care less about) This whole situation just pisses me off all over again. One min I'm like ok maybe this can work. The next thing I know i'm looking for ground flax seeds for some special brownies. This whole thing has really taken me out of my element and cause me to think and do things out of character. But this schedule b.s is for the birds. I want to spend EID together. I dont want him going to the next Eid with her, parading around like everything is cool and its not. Whoever is thinking of being in polygamy DO NOT DO IT. It will suck , badly!
Another thing I was thinking about which me and my sisters were also discussing is Hajj. Hajj is right around the corner Nov 14-17th this year. This is something that is required by all Muslims to complete. I really think if a man hasn't even made Hajj yet, the idea of a second wife or 3d should not even be in his brain. These dudes are so extremely unrealistic, selfish and arrogant at times. Trying to follow this 1 sunnah at all cost. Yet, neglect something that is FARD!! If a man has extra money this should be spent saving and planning for Hajj. Not trying to get some side piece. And then for the man that hasnt made Hajj yet like Hassan, then what are you going to do when you have 2 wifes 0 extra money and still an obligatory obligation? This guy is really about to make me lose it. Its so unbelievable how a male's thought process works. Sometimes I wanna ask Hassan, when did he start smoking crack and where is his supplier, because this whole scenario is so jacked up. He must have really been on some strong stuff to think I would just go along for the ride with a smile. I dont know today is been sucking. I gotta go tend to my brownies . And another things women need to quit marrying these men who cannot fully support you. Dont be mad later that your paying 89% of your bills when he told you this from jump. Sisters out there that are thinking of giving up your rights just to get married, think again you deserve better even if you look like Wesley Snipes with a hijab. LMAO
Organic ground flax seeds $6.49
Dark chocolate Brownie Mix $1.25
Walnuts $2.00
Toffee chips $1.89
To be a fly on the wall when she sees the hickies and expeirence the side effects of the special brownies...
PRICELESS!!!!!!! LMAO
asalamu alaikum sis..
ReplyDeleteLOL you make my morning. I know that even though I am not married, and a married man proposed marriage to me, I couldn't accept knowing that another woman will be hurt. Subhan'Allah if she was cool with it and had no problems and I was old and still havent found a good husband then maybe I would consider it, but *only* after speaking to the first wife and making sure she will not be hurt, and is completely accepting of it. This is important if women considering becoming second wives want a stable life.
Al hamdulilah, May Allah reward you women for being so gracious and well-mannered through this.
Organic ground flax seeds $6.49
Dark chocolate Brownie Mix $1.25
Walnuts $2.00
Toffee chips $1.89
A man married to a beautiful woman taking a second wife who wants to pay the bills - $(enter amount)
JANNAH...
PRICELESS.
:)
OMA Salams sister, trying to type through the laughter....LMAO Wesley Snipes in a hijab!! hahaha. Well I guess the clock is ticking, It would be a perfect world if the brother did exactly as they should by us Islamically. It's sad and to be a wife and be supportive, and loving and kind it feels like everything is thrown back in your face like who cares. No appreciation. Very little anyways. It hurts.......and it's so unsettling of a feeling, like you just don't know what will happen, when, where, why. Ask Allah for stability, and peace, I'm making dua for you too! I'm so glad I was able to give you a nice recipe suggestion, for the yummy fart brownies!! Yeah sounds so appetizing. Take that on your way out the door Hassan!! LOL Are the brownies in play?? Too bad my husband won't eat my desserts, Oh well. Priceless is right!
ReplyDelete@Sarah yeah good point. IF the 1st wife is cool with it thats one thing, but most women arent. There needs to start being some polygamy convention somewhere; where everyone who is trying be down with it can all get together. Instead of how it is now. Also there needs to be more kutbah's by local Imam's on how to handle polygamy in the correct halal ways. These dudes be straight clueless and then wonder why you snap and pour sugar in their gas tank lol.
ReplyDelete@Umm Assad, LOL yeah the special brownies are in full effect. I am going to cut a piece for myself. Im not gonna eat it just put it on a saucer so he will think they are "safe" LMAO. Yea dudes be ungrateful. Like how do you have a wife who is pretty much awesome in every way yet you still have the audacity to try to get a side piece? For what reason? But denise will see how much fun sharing is lol. Oh well tried to tell her but Wesley Snipes dont listen. lol
@Jaiyana, Is this happening this weekend? tonight? WOW, you are more composed than I think I will be... This whole "schedule" thing goes round and round my head too sometimes... At least he's got you 'making the schedule' instead of 'telling you' "This is how it's gonna go down!"... You are in my thoughts and I pray you are able to take things in stride... remember that what will be will be!!... it's "Qadr Allah"!! so regardless of how much we vent and rave if it is in Allah's plan it's gonna happen... just make sure you bake those brownies NICE & CHEWY!!! ;b
ReplyDeleteLOL Soooo funny, Yeah they don't be listening, but to bad for them, they gonna wish they had. It's hard but in my mind it feels better to just turn off my feelings like a light switch. On/Off depending on who you are or what you've done. It's too bad, but it is what it is. What can we do?? I think sometimes husbands don't even know us, who we are. Or do they know, but just don't care? Some need to go through the hard lessons in life. So they extra side pieces, front pieces, back pieces, whatever pieces they have, they'll soon be picking up the pieces of their shattered marriages, and wishing they were just grateful for the one JEWEL of wife they already had. Mashallah. Well you go ahead and hold that lil "safe" brownie, smiling all the while. LOL I'm smiling too!
ReplyDeleteAs Salaamu Alaykum OMG Ok I finished laughing and wiping the tears off my face. I want to say something profound and deep but I gotts nothing. I want to tell you it will be ok but heck it will probably be bad for a minute. So I will just say that I understand and I have been there (she was a little prettier than Wesley though). So what I will do is make Duaa for you.
ReplyDelete@ummUmmarNy, yeah its bout to go down this weekend. This dude is on some serious crack to think when he returns I will be back to my normal awesome self. I mean I will still be awesome just not to him. He wants to give 50% to me, well thats what he will get back 50% of a wife. No more good meals. Ramen noodles and cereal every day IF he is lucky. He gonna be doing good to get that. She wants to play wifey she can start washing all his clothes too lol. But oh well cant tell folks nothing. They have to learn the hard way.
ReplyDelete@umm Asaad yep so true. They dont get thirsty till the realize the water well is dry, then they wanna look all confused. Oh well.
@halal_wife4him its all good. Glad I can bring ya some laughs. Yea trying not to let this get to me. I'm over the whole theatrics of tears and carrying on. Yea Denise lookin like Wesley is actually a compliment. I think instead of concubine i'll start calling her Snipes lmao. Yeah just gonna take things one day at a time. Thinkin of takin some karate kid classes at the gym let out this frustration. Otherwise Denise aka Snipes might catch me on the wrong day of the week ..and that wont be good for anyone lol. But on a side note how long did it take for you to feel "ok" with it ? Ever? Just curious, i know everyone and every situation is different. Good to see light at the end of this f'd up tunnel lol
Go away little boy, why don't you just go away little boy, you see I am not supposed to sit here alone with some mirrors, no money and no you. I know, I understand and recognize the that fact that your lips are oow so sweet, it don't look like our lips shine, ain't gonna never have another chance to be, I think I can find myself another man, and I know what to do if I got somebody who can be true.. so why don't u run, run, run, run, run, away little boy, let the door knob hit u where the dog should have bit you little boy, Cause u hurting me more every minute that u delay, hey hey. Cause when your'e near me like this, its getting kind of hard for me to understand, so my man, just go on away, go on away, just go on away little boy before I do something rash. Ask about that throw back song by Marlena Shaw.
ReplyDelete@ummmUmmarNY yea this dude know whats up. Thats the least he can do is let me make the schedule. I told him my ground rules and gave him the schedule when he got home. At first he was trying to change things. Then i gave him the "try me if you think im crazy look" and he said it will work. lol I also gave him a list of "rules" to adhere too. Snipes aka Denise isnt running nothing over this way.
ReplyDeleteHey Sis, I know this is not the time to be joking, but I'd rather my husband bring me home Tyrese or Idris Elba anyday before Wesley Snipes...S@#! we both gotta look at her. We'd be looking at each other saying, "Im not gonna try it, you try it".
ReplyDelete@Sarah I didn't like how you put "Jannah Priceless" at the end of Jaiyana's list. It seems as if you were trying to say what you were saying before. If Jaiyana is a good wife then she will go to Jannah. The thing is that I dont think your getting, our worlds and success in the hereafter do not revolve entirely around these men/husbands. If you've read Jaiyana's posts, her goal in life is clearly not to please her husband so she can go to Jannah. As Muslim women we should be trying to please Allah. Also, alot of these sisters in pologmy are thinking of getting divorced from their husbands, that's why they are not trying to please their husbands or listen to them- they do not even plan to stay with them. Also for women who are not even married, or never get married how are they to get to paradise? By pleasing Allah, that should be our focus. Yes to please your husband is to please Allah, one of many ways to do ibadah. I would say that Jaiyana is in a "transition" period. Her normal dedication and kindness towards her husband will be interrupted for a while. She may stay in the situation, she may not. But focusing on pleasing her husband right now im sure is the last of her concerns. One thing I know for sure, is if you are not happy and fullfilled yourself you are not going to have the ability to give to someone else. We have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others.
ReplyDeleteAside from the lightish way youve written, just wanna give u a big hug and say hang in there!
ReplyDeleteSarah bin Mohammed- i tried the whole talking to first wife, who was the one that suggested it and pushed it (i didnt know husband otherwise) lets just say, that was thrown back in my face AFTER the marriage (i asked her a billion times, girl r u sure you want this and ok with it???) so dont think by asking all will be ok :p
Sister Azizah, I didn't perceive Sarah as being insensitive with "Jannah Priceless". I think we have different communication/language styles and I think she was trying to contrive a slogan based on the connection between if a man is going to take a second wife, he has a beautiful wife and he also pay bills! wow, what a ultimate prize = Jannah.
ReplyDeleteYa Allah, we are some mad sisters. I think I'm going open up a blog, called "Maad as H@#! and I'm Not Going To Take This Anymore!" LOL. Or "You Know You Maad When.com" ie. 1. you know you maad when you wake up early in the morning just to blog about this BS; 2. you know you maad when u enjoy conjuring up ideas to make ur husbands miserable; 3. you know you maad when you say hey, I know its been 2 years, but Im a hella of a baker; 4. you know u maad when u get disappointed that no one has blogged in several hours - you like, what, where they at, they got something better to do, huh.LMAO. Can you think of some more? Send them. Listen, you all have a wonderful day Insha Allah. Jaiyana you are in my dua's - probably in the future your blogs are going to be on how u have a new BFF. :) Luv Ya.
@SLC thanks :-) hugs to you too :-)
ReplyDelete@ anonymous @2:13 LMAO omg so funny, but Denise aka Snipes will never be staying or coming over this house. He can look at that face by himself.
LMAO yea you should start a blog, I will follow it. 5. You know your mad when you think of buying tastless laxatives to put in your hubbie's food lol. 6. You know your mad when you leave several large hickies on his neck and body right before his "wedding" LOL.
And if I ever blog about having a new Bff it will be you or one of these other wonderful sisters on here. The day I blog saying me and Denise aka Snipes are Besties, take me in for drug testing, cuz obviously I am under the influence of some heavy illegal narcotics to say some foolishnes like that lol. Wow that comment made me laugh so hard lol need that thx :-)
Ok...You know you're mad when you think about stuffing your husband into a microwave and turning it on HIGH for an hour! LOL
ReplyDelete@Sister Anonymous, Yeah Idris Elba, thought he was just my lil secret crush!! LOL @Jaiyana find joy in whatever you can this weekend weather you need to let off steam by blogging, hit the gym, do aromatherapy, get fly and go out with a friend, most important stay in the remembrance of Allah. I'm lost without my Zikrs. Stay, Stay, Stay in Allah's Zikr. It brings me more peace than anything in my life. I feel like Zikr is my BFF. Try to make it yours too. Inshallah. Try not to let Hassan and Miss. Snipes take too much of your mind space. You need all of it right now! Did the brother get his full on his brownies?? Won't know what hit him! LOL. Gotta dash out, till later Salams
ReplyDeletesalaam alikum,
ReplyDeleteLOL @ the samuel L jackson comment. I completely agree that brothers should NOT, I repeat NOT take a second wife if they have fullfilled all their religious obligations (hajj, etc). What is your husbands main reason for taking another wife if he cant afford to support her? He has an amazing wife (you) yet he has this desire to marry another...i guess because im not a guy i cannot understand this. Yes, its the sunnah but i personally feel that the husband should be able to support each wife and should consider the feelings of the first wife before taking a second wife. I also dont understand women who are willing to marry a man who is already married and give up some of their rights just to marry the brother. I guess in dire circumstances where the sister or brother fears commiting zina then it should be encouraged but it doesnt seem like that is the case here. I am also concerned that he is not seeing her for who she really is or perhaps he is and what does that say about him to marry a woman such as herself?
Keep reminding yourself of how wonderful you are and dont let her get to you. The worst thing you could do is show her that she has gotten underneath your skin Stay strong and positive (hard i know!). As for the list (HUGS) i cant even imagine having to make such a list. If you find yourself changing and becoming someone you dislike maybe you should reconsider if this marriage is worth it? Im sure your husband is wonderful but if your going to be miserable and turning into someone your dislike you have to ask yourself if its worth it!
@Jaiyana, You asked me if it got easier. Yes it did. He opted for a 3 days schedule. One day several months (about 6)after the marriage began he came home to start my 3 day rotation and when it came time for him to leave, he didn't. And he never spoke about it. And everything eventually went back to normal. He hints at it every now and again that he might try one more time. But I am like whateva man!!!
ReplyDelete@Halal wife 4 him, Please tell me if I got it right: You would see your husband for 3 days, and were without him for 3 days, until 6 months after the 2nd marriage, he came to spend the 3 days with you and never left.. meaning his 2nd marriage was over?
ReplyDeleteMay I ask, which schedule is more popular out there? every other day? or every 3 days? or any other? Which are the advantages of a 3 day rotation? Thanks :D
A man's nature is whoreish. They are just basically "hoes". Before Islam men married many women sometimes hundreds. They suck! LOL
ReplyDelete@ Aziza
ReplyDeleteI was not saying that by pleasing her Husband she will be rewarded Jannah, (Jannah is much more valuable than that) I was saying that being PATIENT will get you to Jannah (God Willing). Patience can happen through any situation not just marriage. Yes making your husband happy is important, but its not enough alone to get you to Jannah.. But being patient and waiting for rewards can be achieved in hardships within marriage or anything else that happens in life. And as for you saying that Jiyanas goals in life are not to please her husband to go to Jannah... thats a pretty big claim. Im sure a part of her wants to keep her marriage together for the sake of Allah swt even if its only a tiny dot. - still counts. At the end of the day a Muslim's decisions are heavily influenced by their hereafter whether in a monogomous marriage or a polyganous one or no marriage at all.
oops I meant have NOT fulfilled their religious obligations
ReplyDelete@Sarah Im glad we are on the same page and see their are others ways to paradise than being a "good wife". I said her main goal in life (thats what I meant) is not to just please her husband to go to Jannah. She has a life to and other important goals. Again, if you read her posts she may or may not leave the marriage. She does think sometimes that she wants to leave him. So again if you are thinking this man is NOT even about to be your husband shortly, your goal is not going to be "how can I make him happy until I leave". No. You dont care about him, just like he dosent care about you. You can also be a sisngle sister who is being patient and waiting for (and trying to earn( Allah's reward.
ReplyDeleteAbu Hurairah relates that the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "There are no days more loved to Allah for you to worship Him therein than the ten days of Dhul Hijja. Fasting any day during it is equivalent to fasting one year and to offer salatul tahajjud (late-night prayer) during one of its nights is like performing the late night prayer on the night of power. [i.e., Lailatul Qadr]." [This is related by at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and al-Baihaqi] Today is the 1st of the month of Dhul Hijra. It is also strongly advised to fast on the day of Arafat, as it will clear your sins of the past year and the following year. Abu Qatadah reported that the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "Fasting on the day of 'Arafat is an expiation for two years, the year preceding it and the year following it. Fasting the day of 'Ashurah is an expiation for the year preceding it."
ReplyDeleteGood deeds to do during this month:
1. Fasting these 10 days
2. Giving more charity during these 10 days
3. Say the "Eid" Takbeers loudly wherever you go. (Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Laa ilaaha illa Allah. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Walillaahil hamd.)Sunnah to recite after every prayer as well.
4. Increase kind words, visit family,ect.
I pasted this info from another Islamic site, it is a nice reminder. Salams Sisters
ASA, I tend to beg the difference with blaming everything on the man. Some behaviors of a man could not happen if it were not for the supporting cast -Women!!! Many women have no problem destroying families, sleeping with men who are already married, harming other women etc., especially scorned women. I'm talking in general not specific to polygyny. Look at the women who slept with Tiger Woods - who sleeps with famous people and say oops I didn't know he was married?? One of the women in an interview stated she was a Christian and when asked if did she feel she owed the wife an apology she turned around in her "Christian" belief and said No. Although it was apparent that she appeared to be far away from the ideals of what a "Good Christian" was. Women who ask no questions, women who are desparate to just have a man for a second, women who act like that don't see his ills, women who are too impatient to find their own, women who have no "Gold Standards" for Womanhood or Sisterhood, women who justify their pain in the Name of God - Ahh, what a pleasure for men who are but the victims of their own Nafs.
ReplyDeleteAnon@8:36 a.m. Let me clarify...these particular women you speak of aren't concerned about Womanhood or Sisterhood...they are concerned about "MYhood". It's about them and what they want at that time. They see "their needs" getting satisfied and "to the left" to anyone who doesn't like it. Selfish? Yep. But that's a little ugly reality. Until the sugar wears off and they start dealing with his flaws. Just because he married her the (2nd) doesn't make his desire for multiple women go away. Keep in mind he's a "hoe".
ReplyDelete@Sarah FYI, The only way any of us will go to Jannah is if Allah (SWT) wraps his MERCY around us! Our deeds or patience does not get us into Jannah.
I hope that today will bring blessings & peace to all of us sisters. Salaams!
@Munira
ReplyDeleteYes the only thing that will get us to Jannah is Allah's mercy but that does not mean a muslim doesn't strive to do good deeds or being patient waiting for rewards. Saying that deeds and patience doesnt get us to Jannah is like saying sinning and murdering doesn't get you to hell. Theres a reality of the world we live in, that our actions in life shape our destiny in the afterlife, and we hold accountability for actions we make. however in the end even with a mountain of good deeds, we rely soley on Allah swt's infinite Mercy to grant us his paradise.
@Sarah...I didn't say that a Muslim shouldn't do good deeds or be patient. To clarify, I said that The only way any of us will go to Jannah is if Allah (SWT) wraps his MERCY around us! Our deeds or patience does not get us into Jannah.
ReplyDeleteWe should do as many good deeds as possible for the pleasure of Allah only, because only Allah is worthy of us doing our actions for. Our deeds and iman are the only things that we can take with us when we die.
@Sarah, I appreciate you sharing you point of view with us. Please dont feel attached. I am not trying to be mean. It's just a lot of us here (me) are a lil bitter. Since you are not married you have not gone through some of the nightmare-ish craziness husbands can dish out. No matter how nice or patient we are some sisters still unfortunately have to deal with man that dosent deserve her and dosent treat her correctly. I cant put up with that crap, and the only thing you can do sometimes to not put a pot of hot grits on a brothers back is to walk out the door. Im sure we could all use some more patience. We would also like the real men to please stand up. I personally am waiting for the alien invasion, cause it has to be something better out there besides these fools. Where is my avatar man? Jake Sully!!! LOL
ReplyDelete@Anonoymous thanks for the reminder, I def plan to get in some fasting days inshallah :-)
ReplyDelete@ Sarah, I meant attacked
ReplyDeleteDo you realize that by being mean to your husband it will only make being with her a lot more attractive
ReplyDeleteBeing mean to your husband may only be a initial action of anger. Once a man decides to be with another woman, whether you are mean or not will not change his decision or action to remain with that woman or for that matter the first wife. If his goal is to have more than one woman, he will tolerate her stages of change and adjustment because his goal was to have more than 1 wife. If he reacts with the same intent he will defeat his goal. If a woman decides to stay with her husband she will become less agressive and begin to appease him like she used to. If she does not give a damn, she does not give a damn. Fear of losing your husband to another woman is the reason so many woman tolerate unhappiness. A real woman will be herself and not worry about her competition to be attractive to him based on what the other woman is doing. The man is attracted to each woman for different reasons. The meaness will pass as each individual in the relationship recognizes the worth of having a mutually loving relationship. The loss of half of him has already occurred.
ReplyDelete"Do you realize that by being mean to your husband it will only make being with her a lot more attractive" @anonymous- who cares? If my husband was acting a fool and gong about the sitation in a very disrespectful and spiteful way, I would waive all of my time. You just stay over there with her. Who cares? Women need to stop trying to compete with each other for these fools. You dont want your cowife to win so you do something to her then she tries to get back at you. What is the prize here again? Surely not him. We are the prize. once you realize that you'll be in a better place. And who said the relationship was loving? Some men treat there women like $hit when in pologamy and when their not. You dont know that her husband is loving outside of this situation, that is a huge assumption. The sun does not rise and set on his a$$. Who cares he's mad, were mad too.
ReplyDeleteCommenting on anonymous Nov 7 8:36 "I tend to beg the difference with blaming everything on the man. Some behaviors of a man could not happen if it were not for the supporting cast -Women!!!"
ReplyDeleteIm sorry but I disagree with you completely. Yes that facts are we do live in a world with some very loose females, concubines and in some states legal prostitutes. However if I marry a man and we agree to certain conditions, plan a future together and make certain promises to each other and HE breaks those promises and gets with some stank side piece it's his fault, not hers. Yes she may very well be a hoe or a prostitue or whatever, but there are a lot of those out there, I cant judge her. Second I dont know her, me and her have no commitment, no love between us and no contract or promises made. He is the person that i chose to share my life with. If he goes back on his word and our contract that is his decision. Yes a man can be influenced by whose around him i.e. some stank side piece trying to get on. However HE is the one who actually can move the relationship further. If HE didn't WANT her, she would just be a stalker, not his other wife.
If it weren't for the man participating in the situation (willingly) it wouldn't matter how loose the famale was and what her tactics were, she would be unsuccessful if it weren't for his wanting it. She could be the biggest prostitute in the city with her own red light district, dosent matter. It's still his choice to go and meet up with her, talk to her etc.
And most of the time it is the men trying to pursue these women. You cannot focus on the women being the problem or issue, in my opinion they are not the problem at all. Even if your husband marries some psycho chick and she eggs your house every morning like clock work, it's still his fault. He brought that that psycho into your relationship, and if she is disrespecting you, it's because he isnt making it absolutely crystal clear that, that is not allowed.
Again if you hate his other wife and wish she would just go away, she very well might. These pologamy marriages from the ones I've seen dont last anyway. But after she is gone he will replace her with another one. So you may win the battle with her but you are still losing the war. In my opinion to focus on the female at all, I feel sisters focus is wrong. He is the one that is bringing this situation into your relationship. And whatever pain is caused it is becuase of his actions. I've heard sisters say "if it wasnt for her(co-wife) I'd have a great marriage" and I think no, if it wasn't for your husband you'd have a good marriage. But you can't say that cause it would hurt someones feelings. But like they say, the truth hurts.
I've been lied to enough in my life, I want the truth even if it breaks my heart, and it has. But the truth is concreate, you can do something with it. Sugar-coating your situation and allowing someone to lie to you, that's a web of decit that's not fun to untangle.
Just my opinion.
Azizah,
ReplyDeleteLet's generalize when we talk. I try very hard to use the correct pronouns so that the statements are made as generalizations. I stand firm to say that many illicit relationships or shared situations are voluntary on the actions of the woman who says okay - "Yes I know you have a girfriend", "yes I know you have a wife but, I want to be with you anyway". When you make references, by using the word YOU, I am trying to read and understand and not take it as a personal attack. But that you are making generalizations. Personally, I'm not sure who said they hate their cowife and wished her away. I'm again going to assume you mean in general if a woman hates her cowife. I personally do not battle with any woman over some man. Now, if a woman personally attacks me or disrespects me, HOLD ONTO YOUR HORSES, because I am not a nice person when attacked. When the men place themselves in these situations they are at risk for having a reduction in love and compassion from his wife who is not a willing partner. That is something he has to make a decision about. Does he want to be loved and respected or will he live through anything, just to experiment with having extra responsibilities. Additionally, there are plenty of women, girls etc. who pursue men/boys. Not to use Jaiyana as an example, but here is a case where the sister asked her husband regarding marriage. I know of several cases where the sisters are now the agressors and their attitude is "this is his right and Sis. you chose this religion, you can't take one part and not the other". Whether a man is weak or not also does not discard the woman who took actions to be with that man. Point made. Women throw themselves at men all the time. One blogger stated that the weakness of a man are women and the weakness to a woman is money. I somewhat see this point of view. Again back to the original statement, if women held "Gold Standards", if woman had certain "woman's rules" not to be with another woman's husband, or not to cheat with her best friends man, or try to enter polygynous arrangements where at least she inquired how the 1st wife would feel before they accept a mans hand in marriage - we(women) would have some relief because we would all be on the same page. I am not a man-basher nor am I am not a woman-hater, I simply try to see things as they are. My premise is basically, leave relationships alone where the woman does not want to share her time/her life with another woman. Find woman who are like you and enter their relationships. Shoot now you have Muslim families up to 3 and 4 wives :) Before we only had to battle with 1 additional wife. In this case is it the man only? Where did #2, 3, and 4 come from? Did someone force their hands? I think not. Does this mean I am going to get my way. Hell No!! Sugar-coating anything, has never been and never will be MY STYLE!!
@anonymous, no I was definately not talking about you personally, I cant -I dont know your situation. Yes there are some sisters who do pursue the men, in a stalker desperate type way. But my point still stands, the men could say NO, but they dont many times. Even when they cant afford it, are newlyweds, etc, etc.
ReplyDeleteYou said " In this case is it the man only? Where did #2, 3, and 4 come from?" Numbers 2, 3 and 4 came from the husband inviting these women into the marriage. Again if they approached him and he didnt want them, there would never be an issue. No one is forcing the mans hand.
It would be nice to have the womens rules and gold standard that you are talking about. But like I said, if a womans own husband dosent care enough that it isnt the right time for his wife and goes forward with it, some female that you dont even know definately isnt going to be loosing a lot of sleep over it.
I am not in the situation. I know it takes two to tango. Its a slippery slope trying to get it all figured out. I wish you the best though. No judgment. :)