Emotional Rollercoaster pt.2

What's really good world?? Hope everyone is having a beautiful day/night where ever they may be. So as some of you may have noticed I have different labels for the post. (---> to the right) This one appropriately in the transition category. But really , I have been thinking does a woman ever fully transition? And WTF is transitioning anyway? I mean how do you go from (in my case) being the #1 Trophy wife...to sharing your man and somehow being ok with it?? I dont know but it is really eff up. I guess I am feeling this way because I am over the whole "honeymoon stage" we have been having since I came back. The realness of it all is sinking in and sucking. Seriously it doesnt matter how much he is nice to me because bottom line he is still with Denise half of the week. There is no point of trying to understand his way of thinking and logic because the whole scenario never made sense. Was at the gym earlier and listening to this Drake song ..and I was like wow yea I can relate.

"And he lives in a mindset that I could never move to
Until you find yourself, it's impossible to lose you"

 I really feel Hassan's whole way of thinking is so foreign to my own. His desire for other woman to be on the team I feel is a subconscious need for approval from others. He's still finding himself, but somehow thinks he has time, energy, and stamina for everyone else. Woo--saaa! This was his game plan from the beginning, so really I never was his wife, just a pawn in his sick twisted game. I know its an eff up thing to say. But this is how I am feeling right now, so oh well it is what it is. You cant be strong everyday. What really irks me is these so called muslim woman who are ok with devastating families and ruining marriages just so they can get a piece. That's really not cool. But what goes around comes around and Karma is a B-tch! oh well. But on a good note I did have a amazing workout at the gym 45 mins of cardio 20 mins weights! People who have been in polygamy far longer than me, always talk about how you have to get used to a "new normal" ...but who wants to do that. I think nobody really. The messed up part about all of this is its really black in white. Either roll with the punches or get the eff out the ring. There is no gray area. And unfortunately some second wives out there get married to the husband with the hopes/idea that the 1st will do just that and bounce. I've been through a lot of stuff in my life and would generally consider myself a strong person, but this really ...is more difficult than ANYTHING i have ever been through in my entire life. I was reading that "monogamy to polygamy" book again and wanted to share some common side effects of polygamy for those out there that are in the pre-phase and bout to loose their good mind ..your not alone lol. This is what this book calls Phase 1. Depression , the initial reaction. There are 3 phases listed.( Phase 2 self-anger/doubt, Phase 3 Growth/Change) . I think perhaps a woman goes back and forth thru Phase 1-2 until she somehow magically reaches the Phase 3 , which is the land of unicorns and sugar plum fairies.

So anyways Phase 1 Depression: Emotional shock, numbness disbelief, crying, yelling, hitting, silence, feelings of betrayal, intense anger , fear, exhaustion, denial, excessive sleeping, mood swings, rage, loss of self-control, actions (lol hitting, throwing objects, uncontrollable tears) hurt/sadness, reality sets in, loss of appetite, anxiety, nervous and jumpy, contradicting feelings, lethargy, sluggish feeling, dazed remote and distant in actions and behavior. 
So I just wanted to list the phase 1 for anyone going through this also and feeling like wtf is up with me or feelin bipolar lol. Supposedly 75% of women admit to going  through these emotional changes during this time. I guess the other 25% have already been brainwashed into thinking they are getting their golden ticket so they suck it up with a smile from day one lol. Who knows I am only guessing lol. But anyways time for me to get some work done. Later guys and dolls.