Whats really good world??? Hope all is well out there on Jummah Friday worldwide! Yea boi. So I decided to do a segment called "Fitna free fridays" where I will try to bring some sort of positivity to the world around me. Perhaps a hadith or whatever I feel like it. There are a lot of haters out there and no need to spread negativity around because thats just mean and dumb. So right now its almost 2 am around these parks. Just finished my awesome workout and am super energized ...guess I shouldn't have drunk that french vanilla coffee at 11:30 ..oops oh well. So technically its friday,and I plan to make it an awesome day. So whats on the agenda? Sometime today perhaps after fajr plan to dye my hair with this Henna dye I picked up from the meat store. Go to the gym. Finish working on some work and school projects and call mi familia and see how they are doing. Since I have started blogging I have had an amazing amount of feedback and support from so many people, many sisters in the pre-polygamy phase and others who are just curious. The pre-poly phase -days was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my entire life. Seriously there were times where if i weren't up on my deen I might have got tipsy or got introduced to the gateway drug (weed) lol and blazed up lol. But lucky for me my family was there for me and provided a crutch on most days where I couldn't even think straight let alone function. So this brings me to today, fitna free friday. So because I am a giver and all (so they say) LOL i wanted to give/share some insight of what I learned through this process and what really helped me get from point A to point B.
- Pray, pray, and then pray some more ...I know people might get tired of hearing this but it works. If your iman is strong you really can conquer anything.
- Dhikr /zikr -calming and essential for not going crazy and wanting to shank someone. Some stress Zikrs are "La Howla wa La Quwata illa billa" it means there is no might nor any power expect through Allah.(I literally recited this hundreds of times a day!)
- Read Quran daily if you can even for 5 mins. Once again very calming and takes away urges to key your husband's car or put sugar in his gas tank lol.
- Workout! even if your toned already or borderline anorexic and dont NEED to ...working out releases endorphins in your body which are feel good hormones which help you get out of that mental slump and feel better.
- In the face of fitna and drama always remind others what is right. A lot of times it will just irritate the mess out of them and leave you alone. I like to call this "the killing people with kindness strategy". There was an occasion where Denise tried to text me some foolishness about my husband trying to be spiteful and mean and I replied to her with "I thought your iman was at a higher level to handle things as an adult.I will make dua Allah guides you, and gives you hikma and Iqram, inshallah one day you can be in a more positive place in the future, and be a part of a stronger ummah." Now at the time she said some really nasty evil things to me and I really wanted to curse her out in every language I knew and then make up some more curse words in ebonics, but I choose to take the high road and held back. It was really funny actually because she didn't know how to respond, she just responded with "ameen." lmao Also you really cant let haters get to you, it makes them feel special thinking they have some control, regardless of how little over your emotions. Never give in, never surrender lol !
- Also during this time it is very easy to slander or backbite your husband or his potential or already cowife lol .This sometimes is a natural reaction to the anger and pain you are feeling. I mean there were times where I would slander/backbite Denise like it was second nature. Crazy I know but just the mention of her name and it was like word vomit..once i started it was hard to stop, name calling, cursing, I was saying words I didnt know existed before lol. I am still working on this.Not saying this to be funny, just keepin it real. So if this happens try to seek Istikfar by sayin "Allahum magfirlee War Hamnee" which means O Allah forgive me and have mercy on me
Narrated by A’sha that a woman came to Allah's Apostle) and said: I have a co-wife. Is there any harm for me if I give her the false impression (of getting something from my husband which he has not in fact given me)? Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The one who creates such a (false impression) of receiving what one has not been given is like one who wears the garment of falsehood.
@Jaiyana LOL on the "gettin blazed" comment! Darn addictive natures! "Don't hate appreciate" lol I like that too!.....I'll be borrowing it, hehe. I love the positive advice you're giving. I'm sure all the sisters following you will benefit as well. The dua you gave for stress is very weighty, it is said to be the cure for 99 ailments the least of which is your worry/stress. Alhumdulilah that is such a blessing. If I can I'd like to add something to your list for the sisters. This is something I actually did.
ReplyDelete1. Make a list of things that you enjoy doing. Things that bring you peace, happiness, contentment ect. Your list will be personal experiences that don't include spending time with/doing activities with your husband. One reason I wrote this list is because I wanted to know that I could be happy with doing other things, events, hobbies, entertainment, ect. that did not include my husband. Of course we like to spend time with our men, but it's good to know you can have fun, and be happily doing your own thing too. Men have their own hobbies, interests, as well. I think it's inportant for women to have their own stuff too, especially if you're going through polgyny. So anyhow after you have your list make in effort to start including some of your joys things back into your life. Maybe one new interest at a time. If your list is small of you're having a hard time thinking about what you enjoy doing, that you can do on your own, than think of somethings you've always wanted to do. Write those on your list, and make in effort to experience that. You can be fulfilled without your husband being the who's fulfilling you. Make your own joy. Hope this helps someone.
Jazakullah khair for the blog, i plan to come back to it agani, whenever things get stressful.
ReplyDelete@Umm Assad, Subhan'Allah, love the tip! will make a list soon insha'Allah. Though at times wth the little one, the only fun thing i can think of is SLEEP! LOL!
@umm Asaad, so true . You defiantly have to turn the focus on you. And surround yourself with people and activities that you enjoy. Life is too short for other foolishness.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Fitna free fridays will give you the Iman boost that you need for the rest of the week Insha'Allah. I also think its a good way to set aside time to do more dhikr and getting closer to Allah swt. :) May Allah swt give you plenty of rewards.
ReplyDeleteSarah Bint Muhammad
Maa shaa Allah! That's my girl...positive and pleasing Allah! It's wonderful to read this. The advice is not only excellent, it is also very practical. Jazaaki Allahu khayran!
ReplyDelete@princess hejab I'm going to try inshallah to keep it up. @ Mai thx ur blog has helped me in many ways. But what's up with the fendi abayas your husband was talkin bout? You have a hookup on that?? Lol
ReplyDeleteLOL, you and those Fendi abayas! They aren't real...and I'm the Radley bag wife, LOL! I guess it's Zainab that's going for the big-name overgarments.
ReplyDeleteI must say though, abayas with mega-bling are everywhere. The fashion for them here makes everything we see in the USA look like the sale bin at Walmart. Guess the black material manufacturers will never worry about going out of business here! I don't even buy abayas from here. I make my own and just bought some from Aab this summer. Check them out: www.aabuk.com
Uh oh! I'm not supposed to be encouraging consumerism...
Asalaamu Alaikum! I love that even though you went through suchhh a hard time subhanallah (May Allah subhana wa tala reward you! ameen!) you are still trying to be positive. AND giving out advice which is great! I hate how so many women go out of their way to ruin the co-wife's life. I seriously don't want to be in that position and since I am the first wife then inshallah I can set the grounds for a good relationship...at least where we don't want to kill each other. We are broke right now so its not happening anytime soon anyway ALLAHU AKBAR lol!!! May Allah subhana wa tala keep my husband and I among the poor so that we may be among those who are called to jannah early ameeen! ahah. Anyway, its hard so I really appreciate this post its really helping me out. Jazackallahu Khairn for everything (including the hadith at the end!!).
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