Hey world what is really good? Everything around my home today seems so ...quiet. Not sure if that is really a good thing or not. I have been so busy lately with work and business and haven't really had time to post. The last few days have been emotional to say the least, but now I am just feeling very nonchalant. I was talking to my sister earlier about things that I never even thought of that would change as a result of all of this. Omg I so should write a tell all book lol about this confusion circle polygamy love/hate triangle. Seriously ...girls I dont know how I'm still here and not up in the loony bin trying sell wooden nickles. Every option in this situation is hard. Nothing is easy, and not saying monogamous marriages have no problems , but just saying that when you are forced in polygamy either road you take to leave or stay is hard and painful. Since someone hasnt published any book on everything that changes the relationship when brothers start adding folks to the team, I decided now would be a good time to give short list of things. And before I do let me just say any man who tells his wife "nothing will change" is lying. For instance , lets say you live in the U.S, perhaps New york, Ohio, Mi, Colorado, Washington , Rhode Island, Maine or any ice cold frosty the snowman state; and there is a blizzard. Now lets say ol' boy is over the other ones house and you are snowed in. Hmmm what to do? Go outside and freeze your ass off and get to diggin? Say eff it and make snow angels? Well my friends this is the situation I now find myself in. It has snowed , power is flickerin in and out like its poltergeist up in here .. its crazy and Hassan is nowhere to be found. This is the type of mess you never even think about, and when it happens you're the one pissed and mad lookin around for something to break lol. So I really dont know what I am going to do in the morning. Its a winter wonderland I could probably build frosty the snowman and his whole generation in my front yard with the snow that is covering my car alone. I have to go to work...I cant really call in. But the crazy part is im not even mad, surprised how calm I am considering it will take a good 2 hrs to shovel all that snow. Times like this it would be good to have a kid or at least some teenager around I could put to work. You should be able to rent kids if you dont have any lol . Now that's a good business idea. One of yall better jump on that and make some money. Ok so thats #1 . on the list of things that suck and change when your husband gets other people on the team. All this household maintenance stuff, lawn,shoveling snow, taking out trash, killing spiders all that crap is not in my job description as a wife. I haven't been doing it and I refuse to do it now.
Anyways so much changes, besides the fact that its hard to be friends with a man who betrays you. The whole level of communication and privacy is destroyed. Ok i'm done for now not tryin be all debbie downer but its time for me to change tone and do something positive.Next post i will add more to the "omg I never thought _ list" Gotta work on the master plan whatever that may be.
Salaam...Yeah, I hear you are getting dumped with snow...That is something that I dont miss from my life back in the Midwest...Ughh!
ReplyDeleteI guess I never really thought about the after effects of polygymy the way you are thinking about them. Who would shovel the snow, fix a clogged sink or help you move the couch if he is over there snuggled in for the night? Hmmm, its making me think living in a big house isnt too bad after all. What are your thoughts on that?
As for renting a kid? LOOOL Definate business idea!!
Ok so update, wow today has been so busy. So after I posted this Hassan calls me and is asking how everything is over here and I told him whats up and that he needed to come over and get this snow under control. So he was feeling all bad and tells me he will be over to clear my car out. He calls me back 30mins after he left to say that where they are the roads are crazy bad and he is doing donuts and the exit is blocked off that he needs. He was almost stuck to get over here. Denise was pissed he was leaving her house to come over to clear off my car, but wtf does she expect.I defiantly wasnt about to do it. Some people have no iqraam. So anyways he came over this morning and handled it.Needless to say Denise was less than pleased. Oh well I really pray people can get themselves together more. on a side note Hassan has lost weight, he is offically stressed to the max with that Girl. I really kinda feel bad for him. I told him , "if you want to divorce her, I will completely support you babe, everyone makes mistakes.Not too late to rectify the situation." lol anyways later just worked out gotta shower!
ReplyDeleteYeah "J" this is another example of how things will change. It's good Hassan didn't listen to Denise, and came over and got your car out for you. I'm sure he is stressed out. It's seems to be stressful for everyone involved. I'm sure it's a lot to handle. Denise getting upset about Hassan going over to your place is really just mean. She can't really expect to be with Hassan, and not acknowledge you have rights too. She would want the same things as you. But it's all good, what goes around comes around, and Allah sees all we do. I wouldn't worry about her at all.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to rent some kids for manual labor I have a few I can part with. Temporarily of course......Um how much for a days work?...LOL
You should write a book, it would probably help a lot of women in similar situations! I personally feel that any man who takes a second, third wife etc has no right to say "things wont change". This is for the woman to decide. I cant fathom any man wanting to share his wife with another man so for a man to claim that its no biggie and that his wives should suck it up and get along or not be jealous is unrealistic. I really hate when men say "men are born this way" e.g. wanting more than one wife or wanting more than one sexual partner....Mmmm ok than what about other animals who kill or eat their offspring, does that mean men also have this same desire? Men pick and choose instead of looking at the whole spectrum. Men were not designed to be "horny" lol, this comes from too much testosterone. Anyway, I cant imagine how hard it must be for you. The other day I had a dream I was in a polygamous relationship and I almost killed my husband in the dream lol. So hugs to you dear and inshaAllah things get easier and your heart will find the peace that it so needs!
ReplyDelete@Jaiyana, I'm sure that Hassan didn't thinking of having to shovel out 2 driveways or taking out trash from both households...seems to me he didn't realize he would get 2 "Honey Do" lists. Bwahahaha. I wouldn't bring up the "D" word regarding him and Denise. Because unless he actually did it, it's just words. Similar to a man who is married with a girlfriend and tells the girlfriend he's gonna divorce his wife and marry her. Unless he does it its just words.
ReplyDeleteDenise sounds extremely insecure.
@Munira I love when you do the "Bwahahaha", that's hilarious. We're laughing together!
ReplyDeletei can relate to waiting for husband to fix things in the house, shovel snow, etc.. he doesn't rush over to either house to handle these things unless it is a dire emergency. otherwise we have to wait for him on our nights to do these things the next day. or try to do them ourselves if we can. we have been snowed in before. and the roads have been closed, town shut down, etc. my hubby would have told me not to go to work the next day and take a day off.
ReplyDeleterecently, we were snowed in (about 2 weeks ago). hubby was at the other house and couldn't make it over here for 3 nights. food was running really low. he called constantly to check on us, make sure we were ok, and if we had food. i told him we will make do. he said put your trust in Allah, be patient and just sit tight until he could make it over here. al hamdullilah the day we ran out of food (down to a little bit of beans, and no rice), the roads were good enough for him to come over. and he stocked up the house.
@Umm Asaad, yea he knows it was the right thing to do to try to come over that night, even if it was her night oh well. He had prior responsibilities that he is still accountable for. As far as the rent-a-kid how about $30 a week lol
ReplyDelete@Renee lmao snap thats some dream. Yea I should write a book, capitalize off of this somehow lol. No but for real there is a lot you dont know or expect until your in it, and looking around like snap. What to do. I really think Hassan didnt fully realize what he was getting himself into, because now he is regretting his decision badly.
@Munia , yep he has a long honeydolist. He is the one that brought up leaving her. I was just being "supportive" lol. Yes i know actions speak louder than words so we shall see.
@Huda that is sweet that he checked in. But in my case Hassan knew that wasn't going to fly. I am already sacrificing so much for this scenario to even go down. He is lucky I am still here. So he was over here promptly in the morning 7 am to be exact and cleared my snow so I could get to work. Stayed had breakfast and relaxed. There is no way I should have to call in so that he could be over there. He has responsibilities regardless of where he is. And I am glad he was able to see things clearly (and my way) and handle them.
I never know if you posted anymore! Now that you're private, new posts don't show in my latest posts list. Am I doing something wrong? Now when I come to check in on you, I find that you've been gabbing away for days and I missed it all!
ReplyDeleteYou know something, I keep wondering if men realize how tiring it is to keep two homes, two wives, and two families. I don't think that men realize how much will change. I don't think that anyone takes into account how far reaching it all is. Usually it is us women who foresee the changes and scenarios, while they're still scratching their heads saying, "Huh?"
Yea Mai i still try to post regularly when I can . Yea I think they really dont realize how it will be when the "newness" wears off and they are looking like oh snap, im tired all the time what the heck was i thinking lol. I just sit back and watch it all play out.
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