Hey whats really good world?? Ok so before I go into the details of this post let me just say that I am generally against any illegal activities, however sometimes there comes a point in your life when you have to bend the rules lol. Ok so Pin Cushion had me thinking and I also wanted to share something that happened recently. So we all know that spying is not good, it may or may not be haram. LOL I'm not going to debate that, just as a general rule of thumb you shouldn't spy on others. Let me also just say that stress, and confusion circle situations often cause people to act out of character and do some off the wall mess that they might not normally do if they were in their right mind. Case in point checking husbands cell phones, or email, or browser history. No good can really come from this. For one, if you see something shady, or a message to the potential or current cowife, this will just piss you off and likely send you into a rage and want to break things. Which is not good. I think most women at some point in her life has gone through her man's stuff. Whether it be a cell phone, pocket, laptop, car, briefcase...it has been done. And for that small percentage of women out there who may not fit into this category...well either 1. you have some serious self control and kudos to you. Or 2. give yourself time it will happen :-)
For some strange reason spying is so fun. I mean I know I just said its not good and you shouldn't do it, which I still agree about. But, if by chance you somehow accidentally by no fault of your own, find yourself spying you get such an adrenaline rush...or so I'm told lol. So here is part 2 of this post. So there is this girl, lets just say for argument sake her name is Jaiyana, she is married to a guy name Hassan who is also married to a girl named Denise. So one day Jaiyana gets the bright idea "hmm I wonder what their house is like." So somehow she gets the exact address of Denise's house/apartment. No she didn't stalk Hassan and follow him over there. Ok so anyways, she then ponders hmm maybe it will be a fun idea to go over there while Denise is at work and just take a look around. Maybe leave a few things out of place LOL. Ok so technically going into someone's home uninvited is for some strange reason a crime in this country...hmm yea "breaking and entering" i think is what they call it. LOL.So this story "allegedly happened". I guess the whole love thy neighbor doesn't apply. So anyways Jaiyana "allegedly" lol gets the key off of Hassan's key ring and decides to make a trip over to the new place. Now I know some of you are reading thinking OMG she has finally lost it...the pressures of it all have been too much. Ok once again before I go any further with this story, let me just emphasize again that I am not promoting any illegal activities and plead the 5th if for some strange reason I am questioned about my whereabouts lol.
Ok, so back to the story at hand. So Jaiyana goes over the H&D's apartment armed with latex gloves so she wont leave any finger prints. She pulls up to the complex..parks at the next building in order to not look suspicious. She then gets out her car and walks to the apartment. But to her surprise she sees Denise's car parked . WTF? It was the middle of the day, what is Denise doing home, doesn't she have a job or something. So once again Denise has ruined everything lol and the plan has been foiled for now. I mean after all Jaiyana couldn't just go inside knowing Denise was there, that would be a cat fight for sure. So the plan was a bust. But at least now Jaiyana has a key to the other house in case of emergencies, lol you never know what could happen.
I wrote this post to let people know that you really never know what you will do in a situation until you are smack dab in the middle of that mess. And then you are still confused like ...huh? what the???? Also stress, curiosities, insecurities, frustration, anger, can cause people to really act out of character. I know I am not perfect, I am work in progress. Inshallah one day I will be dealing with this 1000x better than I am right now. But who knows when that day will come. Also I have a question for my awesome readers, you dont have to incriminate yourself buy telling your business . But just curious if you feel my actions were justified. Well technically I didn't do much but go and park and go for a walk. But lets say she wasn't home and I went inside. Hmm..? What would you do if you had access to the other woman's house. Would you go there? Would you be curious? And this is all on the bases of if you and her dont get along at all ...and if yall met in the streets it would be a problem for sure lol. If you two are already besties and do each others hair while eating cookies and drinking tea..then this need not apply to you. So...am I the only crazy one? Who else is with me on this ..on team crazy? LOL ok later guys and dolls. Need to handle some things.
hahahha. OMG you are so funny. I swear this is just hilarious, No I don't think its crazy..mmm maybe a little, but who cares, its not like you don't know her and she doesn't know you. But OH my.. how do you have the courage, what if your husband found out? what if she found out?? hahahhaah its hilarious either way!! Love it!
ReplyDeleteBtw just wondering, is Denise also African american??
@Jaiyana,
ReplyDeleteI think a sister would need some serious counseling at this point (beyond a blog) because she has slipped over to the Fatal Attraction side of things. This is soooooo not good on so many levels. Curiosity could land a sister either in jail or physically hurt. There's nothing worth *knowing* to subject herself to that. And if a sister is *that* curious it's time to pack up and move out before doing anything on this level.
I hope the sister will get a grip and not go down that path. May Allah help her.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG...I am peeing myself right now... You didnt!! OMG girl...you have got the couyans..lol For some reason I have the pink panther theme song running thru my head..hahah. I dont think I could do it. I am too chicken..I would be just as curious as you, you just have the guts to do what most of us would want to do. I can see me being the crazy lady doing drive bys just to get a peek at the house. OMG...keep us posted...this is just too good.. Just dont get in trouble...omg...I can see this blowing up in your face. Be careful! :) Hugs to you...
ReplyDeleteJaiyana Dear.
ReplyDeleteThree words: DON'T GET CAUGHT!!!
If you do, just look confused and say; "Oh, sorry. Guess I'm in the wrong house. That's the right husband, though."
I'm in a dark place now that I'm thinkin' of putting a spy software in hubby's cell phone.
But entering Denise's place? I'm too much of a coward to do this. Yet who knows? I've been doing a lot of things lately that I never imagined I would do. I'll probably hire a good lawyer before proceeding with the plan, you know, just to get everything covered.BWA HA HA!!
Seriously girl, this could get you into trouble.BIG TROUBLE! It would be quite an adventure, but still a criminal offense.
@munira
ReplyDeletePlease you sound so serious. This is just how us women are, wouldn't you be curious about your Husband's second home? But anyways Jiyana you never fail to make me laugh.. OUT LOUD. Your humour + attitude is beautiful.
Sarah Bint Muhammad.
@Sarah, curiosity is an interesting thing. I dont think it was really courage, but more so just wanted to do it for fun, and eff with Denise's head when she comes home and sees stuff out of place. But yea I guess you would consider her African american.
ReplyDelete@Munira, its not that serious. This was something to do for fun. I mean if i were stalking Hassan or something yes that would be fatal attraction. But how i feel about him right now, i could careless if he found out. You only live once and gotta have fun sometimes. Also I know Denise's car so I wouldve never went in knowing she was there. Next time ...lol if i do go over for an emergency they will be out of town or something.
@Daisy LMAO glad I could make you laugh. lol. Yea i was very incognito dark outfit, no makeup looking bummy on purpose so I wouldn't stand out lol. But I really dont see myself going over there again. My questions were answered when I went there. Denise made some comments previously to me about how her house is going to be when her and Hassan got married. The place they have is much, much, smaller than ours. I knew it would be but wasnt for sure. If i found out they had some huge house then I would be pissed so it is good i found out, even though i didnt get to go inside the curiosity is satisfied for now lol.
@pin cushion LMAO "oh i guess im in the wrong house." Hmmmm i dont think that would go over very well. Yea i think it would be some trouble if she was there or if she walked in and i was there. Surprisingly i was calm the whole time i was on my 007 mission lol. But dont do the phone software, that will just cause you more hurt. And then he will just blame you for spying.
LOL Jaiyana! Okay "team crazy" is officially off the hook! WTF is right! Do not, I repeat Do Not go in her house again! Wow, now what if she would have came home for lunch and saw you in her house? LOL you would be lookin all confused and oh so busted! Like "Um yeah I was jus leaving"? LOL! Real talk though if I was Denise I wouldn't have said nothin to you, we jus would've been fightin at the door! Yep and I can't even fight! lol. So if she would have fought you then called the "poe-poe's" They would have only been hauling you away. It's not worth it. I agree with Munira you don't want to risk jail. She definitely would have pressed charges. Then Hassan would be looking at you all crazy like why you do that? But seriously I could never.......I mean never do something like that. LOl I'm jus nervous thinkin about it. I can't even go through my husbands cell phone, Not to say I haven't done it in the past. I've learned my lesson, though. When you go digging for dirt you always find it. Also another lesson I've learned, is I'm not gonna be babysitting a grown man. If he's doing dirt Allah sees him. I gotta keep my own mental's together. I know it's tempting but get rid of any spare keys. Okay you know I'm right too, LOL!
ReplyDelete@Jaiyana
ReplyDeleteIt is serious. Don't even think about going inside of that sister's house. Have you ever heard of a crime called "home invasion"? Just do not do it at all. She/He is not worth all this energy. You need to use this energy on making yourself/your life better. Focus on you, not them or her or him. Try to stay in the rememberance of Allah.
what ever happened to trust? how will hasan be able to trust you, if he finds out that you took the key off his key ring? and how will he be able to trust you if he finds out that you are doing "drive bys"? or if he finds out that you went into denise's place.
ReplyDeletei agree with Munira, this is serious. not to be taken lightly. stealing, spying, lying (if you get caught), etc.. are things that pious muslims shouldn't do. we all need to fear Allah. and i am happy that she was home. because shaytaan would have whispered in your ear some more and you would have entered her home. snooping around. so al hamdulillah that Allah stopped you from doing something wrong/bad/evil.
@Huda, I really dont expect you to understand the hurt and devastation I have been through. First wives and second wives have a completely different scenario , and changes they go through. Clearly my focus is not on whether or not he cares if I went over there. I do not have a lying problem, if Hassan were to find out I would tell him. I believe in honesty in a relationship regardless of what that honesty may be. Hassan is not the center of my world, I dont seek his approval in everything I do . Its really not that serious. Its impossible and phony to pretend like everyone is some pious princess 24x7 when this is not the case for anyone regardless of their situations. Denise knows where I live, so it is only right and fair that I know where she lives. I didn't break in , I didn't steal anything. And the question is not "how will he be able to trust me." the question is how will I be able to trust him. He betrayed my trust when he decided to marry her. Its not a tit for tat situation, but he is the one that has to be thankful that I am still here.
ReplyDeleteThere's a book called, "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It's a really good read in my opinion. She gives advice to women to help them break their co-dependency on their man.
ReplyDelete@Jaiyana, you might want to check it out. Don't hold your breath waiting on *Hassan* to be grateful/thankful.
@munira, i am not co-dependent, I am not holding my breath at all . Its so not like that.
ReplyDeleteSalamu alaykum,
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this story. My husband has a problem with Muslim matrimonial site and I have actually emailed sisters he's talking to after reading their lovely HOT emails to them and seeing the pictures they send him without hijab on in low cut blouses with breast showing saying this is a pre-islam photo I just want u to know what the goodies look like! Whenever I do this I only put myself in despair as he thinks it's his right to look for 2nd and third wives, but I do like to know what's coming down the pipeline.
Wow...I think everyone needs to think of this one really important point... SHE DIDNT GO INSIDE!! Thoughts and actions are two different issues. I feel that checking out where a co wife lives is not as bad as Denise checking out another womans husband for marriage! I think if all Jaiyana did was "think about going in" its not bad. Everything does happen for a reason, Denise was home that day. ALLAH knows us better than he knows ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI really think people are quick to say that the first wives actions are bad/wrong/evil. This first wife has had to deal with her husband getting married again. The event is still raw in her heart. Cut the girl some slack! It's not like she burned down the wedding tent or got into a fist fight. So she took a key...big deal! HE took another wife! So she did a drive by to see a house....Denise did a "drive by" looking for a husband.. Lets support eachother...
@Jaiyana...You are the most UN co-dependent person I know...
@ Daisy
ReplyDeletei couldnt agree more! Jiyana what you did is hardly what I'd call "evil". Can't we be spontaneous once in a while and just go with the flow. Big deal if she drove past her co-wifes house..Nobody got hurt! its not like she wants to set the place on fire. relax people...
Sarah Bint Muhammad.
salaams
ReplyDelete@Jaiyana, let me clarify. First of all, forgive me if I hurt your feelings or said something to offend you because that was truly not my intention. Women who might be co-dependent are dependent on their husband in various ways, emotionally, or financially, etc. I'm just saying this *might* be a possibility here.
@Daisy, Jaiyana would have gone into the woman's home if she had not of been home. This is not good. I am more supportive of Jaiyana than you will ever know.
(((hugs)))
I don't believe what Jaiyana did was bad/wrong/evil like huda seems to think, however it was not in her best judgment to take the key with the intention of checking out Hassan and Denise's new place. Honestly I think polygyny can bring out the worst in us. My personality I know would change for the worst. It's too much stress to deal with, so then these types of situations happen. I blame Hassan lol! Sisters if you read carefully she did actually get out the car with the intention of going in their home. If she would have gotten caught she could have been arrested for home invasion/trespassing. So yeah it's serious. She's young, smart and beautiful why chance your life over some dude. Maybe some people do not like to acknowledge the hurt feelings Jaiyana is still dealing with, because their is a great deal of denial with polygyny marriages in general. Pretending to be happy, and like it doesn't bother you? That confuses me. It's not reality. Pain is pain. I personally don't like to oppress my feelings. If I'm hurt I'm gonna say it. This really does suck, bottom line. No woman would choose this lifestyle unless she absolutely had no other choice. When your stressed, hurt, angry, depressed, sad, confused it mess with your menta's, period. You do and say things you (in your right mind) normally wouldn't. We are not all pious muslimah's even though we make effort on our deen, we're not perfect. Also truth be told even pious Alima's (Islamic women Scholars) have had hard times, hurt feelings and difficulty dealing with polygyny. So it is what it is. This is difficult, and most plural marriages don't last. That's the truth. I also do think it is good to read self-help books for women to better understand how to increase our self esteem. Self esteem is very important when you are going through a hard time in a relationship. If a man see's you not valuing yourself, how can he value you. So I've said my peace, for now......
ReplyDelete@daisy thx for havin my back. Yea it's still raw and will be for awhile.
ReplyDelete@ Sarah who said I Didnt wanna set the place on fire? LMAO just kidding I'm no arsonist .
Hello Huda. “We all need to fear ALLAH”. You speak as if Jaiyana doesn’t; that’s quite offensive. How will Hassan trust her? Using the words “stealing, spying, lying, doing something wrong, bad, evil, “ in the context of what she shared is so uncalled for. Please be reminded that most of us here are hurting very badly; our use of word makes a lot of difference. Um Assad does not approve of what Jaiyana did, or what she was about to do. But the way she said it was with care and compassion, not accusing or judgmental. See how Jaiyana responded to you; you put her on her defenses, emphasizing her pain all the more.
ReplyDeleteMy dear sisters, one thing that saves me from this crazy crazy situation, apart of course from prayers, is my sense of humor. If I take this situation more seriously than it is, I'd go insane. This blog is very similar to the “hickey on the night before Hassan’s wedding” that Jaiyana posted. She said she was planning to do it, which she did not. Won’t you agree that Jaiyana is a sensible smart woman? Of course she knows that what she was about to do would put her in trouble. Writing about it gave her relief from her stress. And it gave most of us something to laugh about, which believe me, is very very difficult to find lately. The sister who thought of peeing (or actually did pee)on the hubby’s toothbrush, the laxative brownies, were all crazy! I had my own; shaving hubby’s head and eyebrows and cutting his eyelashes while he sleeps. Would I really do it? I know I won’t. It’s sick, but thinking about it makes me laugh, even gives me some satisfaction . Believe me when I say that in the dark place I am in right now, I can use all the coping mechanisms I can get.
Wow today has been such a busy day havent had time to really respond properly.
ReplyDelete@Umm Asaad "We are not all pious muslimah's even though we make effort on our deen, we're not perfect. Also truth be told even pious Alima's (Islamic women Scholars) have had hard times, hurt feelings and difficulty dealing with polygyny. So it is what it is"
I completely agree. People try to front like everything is peaches and roses 24x7 lets be real. {polygamy is the hardest thing most women have ever done /been thru. Its very painful and hurtful for a long time. Regardless of how the husband may be (awesome or not) it is still hard.
@pin cushion, totally agree. and btw I did give him lots of hickies lol the night before his wedding to Denise. They are clear and obvious in thier wedding pics. But oh well. But yea stress, makes you lose it. You have to give yourself things to laugh about. I probably will not go back over there. But the whole idea was quite funny to me.
Hahahaha Oh, the hickies in their wedding pics that will always be funny! Ohhhh man I know Denise was heated.....lol You just had to get that last dig in Huh? lol
ReplyDelete@ Pin I'm envisioning unsuspecting husband awaking hairless! LOL!.......Yep that makes me laugh too!
ReplyDeletelolllllllllllllllll why am i always the last one to read and comment on these post? I'm seriously LMHO!!! I'm just like omg she didn't she didn't! SHE DID! lolll. Yeah its not a good thing to do, but ... i'm sorry it was just too funny haha. Be careful though! And you never know- maybe she's thinking of doing the same thing to you! I think its time to change the locks :) And not giving Hassan the keys haha, just let him in when he gets there.
ReplyDeleteI can understand being curious, however imagine it was denise sneaking into your place, wouldnt that make you angry knowing she snooped around your house while you were out? I think her being home was a blessing in disguise. Her being home ruined your plan of sneaking into her house which could have caused a lot of problems had someone seen you or your husband found out. If youd really like to know how her place looks maybe in time you could stop by her place to say Hi.
ReplyDeleteLmao @ stoppin by to say hi. Never that. But Denise HAS been to my house uninvited when I wasn't there . This is y I don't feel bad at all if I did go in.
ReplyDeleteJaiyana, you are having these reactions because what you are living through is crazy. I think it is the most natural thing in the world to wonder 'what could this woman possibly bring to the table that I don't?' 'how does she keep her house? decorate?'
ReplyDeleteI REALLY don't want to upset anyone, I truly understand that people choose the path they take, and your path (and many others) says that this is ok in the eyes of your loving god.
However, that does not change the fact that Hassan taking another wife very much says: "You are not enough for me". However you spin it, however you learn to turn it in to a good situation.
One wife was not enough - generic.
Jaiyana was not enough - awful.
This is a lot to absorb, way too much for most to bear.
If you choose to live this way, & truly accept it, you gotta get through it your way. I really think that whatever helps you get to peace (whether you stay or leave), is ok. Just don't get yourself arrested or hurt girl!
Thank you again for sharing your journey :)
in islam we are taught that everything is based on intentions. jaiyana intended to go into Denise's house. she intended to mess up the house. she intended to go thru her belongings. these were her intentions. and the ONLY thing that stop her from carrying out these acts were.... Denise was home. i understand that she is/was hurt, but that doesn't excuse or justify what she planned to do. regardless of how much she doesn't like Denise. we still can't listen to shaytann. nor let shaytaan play with our emotions or feelings.
ReplyDeleteyou sisters can say "easy for you to say, your the second wife, and choose this life." regardless, women are women. and women get jealous of each other. i go thru my own emotional roller coaster rides from time to time. as #2 i can't let my feelings get the best of me. i can't let shaytaan win by coming between me and my husband or between me and my cowife. so i have to, have to, try 10 times harder, 10 times more to do what would please Allah and not let shaytaan win.
do i think about all the things i could do or say that would piss my hubby or cowife off. yes. do i ever act on them. no. then i ask Allah to forgive me for thinking about it. and do good deeds for my hubby or cowife. because i know this will piss shaytaan off and please Allah at the same time.
i'm not trying to get on my piety high horse, nor be harass to jaiyana or any one else. but doing bad deeds when we are emotional is never a good thing. we shouldn't do things that we will regret later. think before we react.
@jaiyana, be that as it may, that still does not give you the right to enter her house uninvited. Don't let her/his actions cause you to do something that you could later on regret.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you went on a field trip with shaytaan as your guide! Al hamdu l'Illah, you know it wasn't right, and al hamdu l'Illah that Allah protected you from going any further!
ReplyDeleteI'm always hesitant to comment on these "naughty" posts, lol, but I have to just say this. What does it matter if she has better, the same, or worse than you? Does it make her better? Does it change who she is? Does it change how your husband feels about her? Does it improve her deen? Does it make her a better Muslimah than you? Is it getting her to Jennah?
I hear from my step-children how my co-wife's apartment is nicer. Well hey, it is a newer building and hubby had to buy most of the stuff new, so of course it will look better. Frankly, I couldn't give a flying pancake. My husband is finding out all kinds of things that he got totally wrong about her and the apartment or its decor doesn't change that. I think it's part of the learning process for men to realize how much they spent on someone who wasn't quite what they seemed.
Whenever I get curious, I have to just get back to me...cause I'm damned if I'm giving shaytaan the satisfaction of making a fool of me. It's really my refusal to let that rotten devil win that saves me from those "misdemeanors."
Salaam huda, please can you help me understand why you sometimes think about all the things you could do or say that would piss your hubby or cowive off? what was their offence that you need to fight off shaytan not to piss them off? what did he do wrong marrying you even at the expense of hurting his wife very badly, and what has she done wrong being married to the man before you?
ReplyDeleteWoooow, it sounds like you have alot of free time on your hands. I agree with Munira, you shouldn't be focus on such things...Instead you need a hobby, you could practice your deen more, and other things that are permissible. Also you should join sunnahfollowers.net Awesome site to learn your deen when you get a chance.
ReplyDelete